


A tomorrow to run towards

by zohee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidentally made Oikawa toxic, Affectionate Iwaizumi, Alpha Kageyama Tobio, Alpha Oikawa Tooru, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Magic, Happy ending because I can't do sad endings, I don't actually hate oikawa but it might seem that way, Iwaizumi spoils Oikawa, Jealous Oikawa Tooru, Kitagawa Daiichi, M/M, Minor Violence, Omega Iwaizumi Hajime, Pack Dynamics, Pack Mom Iwaizumi, Protective Iwaizumi Hajime, Shiratorizawa, Wolf Pack, bokuto and akaashi are... owl people?, karasuno appears briefly, mom iwaizumi, nekoma appears briefly too, possible redemption for oikawa?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:15:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 48
Words: 44,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28691547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zohee/pseuds/zohee
Summary: On the ground, the two children that had run from the end of the world and chased something neither of them knew, seem to find it now..A fic where neither Oikawa (who prefers to remain in the past and stuck in his dreams of hurting those that had hurt him) or Iwaizumi (who prefers to run blindly towards tomorrow and forget all yesterdays) are sure what they want, and spend years searching.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime & Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime & Kindaichi Yuutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime & Kindaichi Yuutarou & Kunimi Akira & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime & Kunimi Akira, Iwaizumi Hajime & Kyoutani Kentarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Kageyama Tobio & Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 153
Kudos: 161





	1. towards an unforgiving tomorrow

A scream rips the night apart. And he's awake, running somewhere but not really anywhere. All he knows is he can't be here, _I can't be here, I can't be here_. And he's falling, getting up, falling again over bodies, wondering why he should get up again. Hands sticky with blood as he wipes tears from his face so he can see because he needed to see but more than anything he wants to lie down and wants to forget and for all this to stop and even the instinct to survive is drowned so completely by cries and pleas and screams of people he'd seen smile just the day before.

_And what of yesterday? Why can't I go back to yesterday? Why should I run towards a tomorrow?_

Limbs heavy, he kneels on the ground, eyes burning from smoke, and its blood that he can taste, his and perhaps others, and its blood that he can smell, metallic, anguish, and its blood that he can see, all that he can see. The colour brings with it a horror that pierces and stops his heart. And suddenly, he can't even breathe, he falls further into an earth that seemed so, so cold. Clawing and grabbing at his chest, he tries to remember how to breathe.

_And why should I run so blindly towards an unforgiving tomorrow?_

"Tooru."

"No. No-" He moans, eyes shut tightly, _I want to go back to yesterd_ \--

Before the thought can finish, two small hands roughly cup his face. Oikawa gasps at the contact, and the breath feels like some distortion of heaven. His eyes snap open and at the end of the world, Oikawa sees another boy, with spiky black hair, thick eyebrows that, even now, were furrowed in anger, and eyes, greenish grey, icy and determined. The boy is frowning, of course, as he forces Oikawa to look at him.

"Tooru-" His voice is so strong and Oikawa wonders if he can see what Oikawa can see. Wonders if it were only him that had witnessed all the murder of their pack.

"I don't want to move." Oikawa whimpers softly. "Hajime, Hajime... I want to die."

The punch, despite Oikawa knowing full well how aggressive the other boy could be, is still shocking. Oikawa is knocked down, once again, to the floor, and he tastes dirt briefly before Iwaizumi pulls him up by his shirt. Oikawa continues to cry. He wants to curl up on the floor and wait for their pack alpha to stop all this; to kill him.

"Too bad!" Hajime growls before shaking Oikawa. But even the raw anger from his best friend couldn't drag Oikawa away from his desire to do nothing. He didn't want to run when there was nothing to run towards to. "Too bad - Tooru!"

There is another scream and the smoke from the burning of their pack houses becomes thicker. And then there’s a howl. Louder than anything else. Both the sobbing Oikawa and the rage-filled Iwaizumi pause when they hear the sound that was so, so like thunder. And Iwaizumi tenses, the omega in him submitting easily. Oikawa doesn't feel Iwaizumi let him go, no, how could he when the pack alpha was coming for him? _He's coming for me_ , Oikawa thinks, and his tears stop briefly and then he thinks, _oh I'm going to die._

And even though he had been begging for it previously, the realization terrifies him. He was a child, not yet at the age where he thought of what death really meant. Iwaizumi and he had hunted small animals and fish before; the two often went for week-long adventures in the forests around their home. Iwaizumi always better at it, always quick, he gave the animal a painless death. On the other hand, Oikawa always trembled, knife slipping, cutting the wrong places, making the animal suffer, blood soaking their fur and earth, the animal making pitiful sounds as Oikawa saw the animals insides until Iwaizumi would come.

 _I'm really going to end up like that? My guts everywhere?_ And for a moment, he wonders about his own body lying on the ground as the ones he'd passed before, blood pooling around him, and he wonders about Iwaizumi finding him, and about all the tomorrows they wouldn't have anymore.

 _If there is a tomorrow,_ Oikawa thinks with a clarity that pushes away all the smoke and all the ash and all the pain, _if there is a tomorrow, then, more than anything, I want--_

He looks to Iwaizumi, who has lost all the anger in his now aimless eyes. The howl of their pack alpha has made him docile and he's frozen as Oikawa stands up. Oikawa wipes his tears, and their eyes meet.

"T-Toor-" All the strength he had had previously has been lost. Or at least, given to Oikawa. Oikawa grabs his hands.

"We have to go, Hajime, I- I can't shift... But you-" His broken words click, and Iwaizumi breathes out slowly before once again furrowing his eyebrows. The familiar action soothes Oikawa, and now he’s certain.

"But I can." He finishes before shifting. Oikawa hears the cracks and watches as Iwaizumi loses his human and becomes the white wolf that Oikawa was jealous of. He runs his hands across Iwaizumi's body, feeling the soft fur between his fingers, before straddling the small wolf. Iwaizumi hadn't ever allowed him to do it before, saying that it was embarrassing, and that Oikawa would understand when he finally shifted. The body is warm and alive and Oikawa buries his face into Iwaizumi's fur. Iwaizumi's heartbeat echoes in his ears. Iwaizumi had always been fast, but even Oikawa is shocked at the speed they leave the disaster behind them and run towards somewhere.

And then he resumes with his soft crying.


	2. delicate creature

_Omegas are soft and delicate creatures._

The two of them had run so far and for so long. They stopped occasionally for food, which was surprisingly easy to obtain, or for Iwaizumi to rest. On those times, Oikawa could not hide in Iwaizumi’s fur and pretend that there was nothing wrong. On those times, he had to look around him, had to see how unfamiliar their surroundings were. And then they’re running and running and Oikawa sees the sun rise and fall and rise again but Iwaizumi continues forward. Oikawa was glad that he and Iwaizumi had some idea of surviving in forests. Though, he was sure this would be easier if they knew they had a home and a family to return to, if they knew that when things got bad, they could go home to people who could make it better. 

Every time Oikawa attempts to talk about what happened -- _our family, our friends, Iwa-chan, what about our home?, Hajime, where are we even going?--_ which was not many times because he was almost always either sleeping or a sobbing mess, Iwaizumi brushes him off and ends the conversation.

 _“The pack alpha killed all the other alphas. And anyone else who got in his way.”_ Iwaizumi had said on the first night, eyes gazing to the ground. And then, _“I’m going to find some more food.”_

It’s not until a few days later that he realizes Iwaizumi had hardly spoken at all. They’d found a small, abandoned cottage, which had never happened before, and were staying there until Iwaizumi could regain his energy. Oikawa wonders how long they were going to run for, and more importantly, what were they running towards? And then he begins to think about his parents. He know he shouldn’t, because it always causes him to cry and because he hates the look on Iwaizumi’s face when he does. But shouldn’t he be allowed to mourn? To be pathetic? In the midst of his tears, he realizes that Iwaizumi had not once shed a tear for the loss of everything they knew just a few days ago. He hadn’t even cried once. Oikawa brings this up to him when he returns.

“Do you even miss them!” Oikawa ends up yelling to a shocked Iwaizumi. The shock disappears from his features quickly and he scowls. Iwaizumi curls his fists and takes a threatening step towards Oikawa, who yelps slightly and moves back very quickly. And then Iwaizumi stops, steps back and then out of the house.

 _Omegas were soft and delicate_ , Oikawa thinks bitterly as he hears Iwaizumi shift, _but something was wrong with this one._

“There’s something wrong with you!” Oikawa screams, eyes burning, hoping more than anything Iwaizumi could hear, and perhaps hoping more than that, that it hurt him.

The next morning, Oikawa wakes up to find Iwaizumi already awake and eating an apple. He looks over at Oikawa and opens his mouth, perhaps to apologize.

“We’re leaving, right?” Oikawa interrupts. His tone is sharp, _I don’t want to hear your apology_. “Alright, well give me a minute, I want to eat before we go.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes seem to soften, and he gives Oikawa a bag before leaving again. Oikawa grabs it and turns away.

“Where the hell did you even get this from?” Oikawa asks quietly, he reaches in and grabs an apple. And then, _actually, where did he get this from?_

.


	3. a home fit for me

Oh.” Oikawa exhales softly, eyes widening.

“Oi!” He hears a yell behind him, and he turns quickly just in time to see Iwaizumi’s reaction. And it makes Oikawa laugh when Iwaizumi blinks several times, rubs his eyes, and then stares forward. “What is… “

“It’s a castle.” Oikawa responds, looking towards the structure in front of him.

“A castle.” Iwaizumi repeats flatly. “Of course it is.”

Oikawa grabs Iwaizumi’s hand and they walk into the castle. They’re careful not to fall over any of the rubble and at one point, Iwaizumi has to catch Oikawa when the floor underneath them collapses.

“Ah.” Oikawa shouldn’t, but he takes the opportunity to hold himself close to the other. _Warm, smells nice._ “My hero.”

Iwaizumi lets go, and Oikawa falls with a squawk. “Mean!”

“This is crazy.” Iwaizumi comments, looking up at the ceiling. Half of it was gone, allowing some vines into the castle. “How do we always find places like this?”

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa says, outraged. “Don’t you dare compare the small houses we’ve stayed in to a castle! This is a castle! Kings lived here, they ruled the world from here!”

“You know what I mean.” Iwaizumi replies.

It was true, since they had left their pack, they had had great luck. It was as if the world was trying to make amends, trying to right the wrongs it had allowed to happen to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. The two of them had travelled for years, staying in places for no longer than a few weeks. They always managed to find temporary homes to stay in, always had the favour of the towns they stayed at, were always able to find jobs and food. Iwaizumi had commented their luck was creepy when they had stayed with a wolf pack; Oikawa had finally been able to shift but with that came all these ‘alpha’ traits and tendencies neither he nor Iwaizumi were familiar with so it had been a relief they had somehow ran into another pack that offered to help Oikawa. And though they were offered to stay at the pack, Iwaizumi had said that they had to keep going, they had to keep moving.

_After all these years, I never managed to find out what you were looking for._

Oikawa enters a circular room with two stone thrones.

“Oh?” Oikawa brushes off some of dirt and rocks off the largest throne before sitting down. He glances around the room, _a king had sat here,_ he thinks, _and he ruled from here._ He must have had subjects, that had come for his advice, or to beg for his mercy. Maybe the king had clicked his fingers, and had that beggar executed, and then turned to his side, where his queen, dressed in the finest of silks and wearing only the rarest and prettiest jewels, sat. _A king had sat here beside his queen._ Oikawa turns to the smaller throne, imagines Iwaizumi sitting there, smiling softly back at him, eyes filled with pride for his king because Oikawa would be the king that would give Iwaizumi his home back so that he wouldn’t have to keep chasing tomorrows, so that he could exhale and cry if he wanted to. And then maybe, Oikawa could move forward and brush his lips against Iwaizumi’s and --

“I don’t know what you’re thinking about but get that smug look off your face. It’s pissing me off.”

Oikawa gasps, “You’re such a bully!”

Iwaizumi looks around the room as well, eyes linger on the thrones for a moment, and then meet Oikawa’s. Oikawa grins.

“You like it too, huh?” Oikawa asks. Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything for a few moments. Oikawa takes the chance to stare at Iwaizumi. Oikawa, who had always been slightly smaller than a regular alpha (Iwaizumi would say kind of sickly), had in recent months grown both taller and stronger than Iwaizumi, had grown into his features and become a type of beautiful a male bird might become to attract a mate; a type of beautiful that was unique to alphas. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, now had both a softness and fierceness to his features and Oikawa thought duality made him so much more precious. With his constantly furrowed eyebrows, _even in his sleep,_ his frown, soft green eyes that sometimes looked grey, and amazing arms that could smack you on the head for eating too many sweets and then hold you close when you tell him you felt sick. _My grumpy and cute Iwa-chan, I want you by my side forever._

“It’s okay.” Iwaizumi says.

“It is a lot more than okay.” Oikawa stands up and moves towards Iwaizumi. “It’s amazing, I… I really feel like with some work, we could live here.”

“Some work?” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, watching as a small animal runs past the two of them, and then to the hole in the wall. Oikawa groans.

“Okay, a lot of work, but we can do that if we work together.” Oikawa replies, “Plus there are a few towns nearby, and with our luck?”

Iwaizumi looks unsure.

Oikawa sighs, and deep down, he knows he shouldn’t, but he does it anyways. “And, well, to be honest, I-I’m getting tired of running. More than anything, I want…. I want a home, Hajime.”

He looks down, “But if you want to leave, you know I’ll go with you.”

Iwaizumi thinks and then he sighs as well, hope flares up inside Oikawa and he looks to Iwaizumi.

“If you really like it," Iwaizumi gives in, _submits,_ "Then we can stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really unsure about the 'a type of beautiful a male bird might be...' line, I hope it wasn't too weird and the meaning still got across!


	4. daydreams

_Hands hold his tight, a quick ‘don’t let go’ and ‘we have to find mom’, his sister smelled like fresh bread, he almost trips trying to keep up with her long strides._

Oikawa leans against the house of witch Iwaizumi had wanted to visit, daydreams about yesterdays he could never have again, and waits for his, only, pack member.

_“I’m more than enough to protect you!” Oikawa argues. Iwaizumi snorts._

_“You can’t protect shit.” Iwaizumi counters, flicking Oikawa’s forehead. “In fact, I’m sure you would’ve died at least 100 times if not for me.”_

_An ugly sound leaves Oikawa’s mouth, and Iwaizumi laughs._

Oikawa opens his eyes, kicks the ground, Iwaizumi could really be so mean sometimes, didn’t he know how much it hurt for an alpha to hear his omega tell him he was hopeless? _Ah, you’re so mean to me._ Oikawa remembers a few days ago, he’d been resting on his stone throne, wondering again about having a pack when Iwaizumi had come into the room and asked if they could visit a witch so that they could buy protection for their new home, and then had told Oikawa that he hadn’t really been asking and that they had to leave now, because now is always better than later.

Oikawa didn’t like witches, and so he waits outside for Iwaizumi. He didn’t like witches and he knew not many people did; witches were sneaky and almost always bad news. He had warned Iwaizumi that perhaps the pudding head witch they were to meet could’ve tricked them into coming so that he could sacrifice them to a devil in exchange for luck with the ladies or some other, perhaps even more sinister, favour. Iwaizumi had promptly told him that if he spent even half the energy he spent on creating fantasies in his mind on moving that they could be at their destination already.

_“Iwa-chan! There’s a good reason nobody likes witches!”_

_“You don’t like anyone.” And then, “Stop whining.”_

_“I like you.” Oikawa had replied, smirking as he’d snaked his arms around Iwaizumi’s waist, pulling him closer, feels him tense, smells good, ah, you smell so, so good and -_

_Iwaizumi elbows Oikawa. “I didn’t ask, shittykawa.”_

Oikawa waits and waits until finally Iwaizumi leaves the house, with the pudding head witch behind him. Iwaizumi’s smiling, holding a small bag, as he turns to face Oikawa.

“Finally!” Oikawa exhales. “I’ve been standing here for ages.”

“Well, you were invited inside.”

“You know I can’t _stand_ witches.” He grins wolfishly at the witch hiding behind Iwaizumi. The witch remains impassive, blinks slowly, and then goes back inside. Iwaizumi frowns.

“You’re really making an enemy out of a witch?” Iwaizumi asks, they start walking back towards the village they were staying at for the night; this witch was a few days away from their home even with them both sprinting in their shifted forms.

“Enemy?” Oikawa laughs. “You know I could rip the heart out of that witch before he even has the chance to say any of his little curses.”

“You’re really the worst.”


	5. don't cry for me

_“Listen to me, you need to get Tooru out of here.” His dad whispers to him, holding him close for the last time. “And don’t you ever look back.”_

_._

Iwaizumi hated silence, hated the memories that he would be forced to relive in those moments, because he’d have to hear the screaming of his new family, the awful sound of crying that came from a place so deep, because he’d hear his dad rushing words Iwaizumi had clung too, _don’t look back, Hajime, find Tooru, get out of here, don’t fight, promise me you won’t fight,_ and then, _not everything is worth fighting for, baby,_ but not tightly enough that he hadn’t lost them when he’d ran away, when he’d taken Oikawa with him away from a place he couldn’t ever look back to again.

 _“Don’t look back.”_ His father had said. _“And don’t you dare cry for me.”_

Iwaizumi raises his hands to his eyes, wipes away a few tears, _dammit,_ and then looks around the room he was in. Oikawa and he had chosen to stay at an inn for a night, even though he was sure the two of them could have continued going. They’d come back from visiting the witch and found a large town. Oikawa, he knows, loved humans, loved towns, loved being surrounded by people and had begged them to stay for a while. And though Iwaizumi was thankful for the noise, he couldn’t say he was fond of the drunks yelling outside their window. He sighs and finds Oikawa to still be sleeping. Iwaizumi, careful not to wake him, moves closer. _He can really look so beautiful when he’s not talking._ Iwaizumi wonders quickly if Oikawa will mind waking up to find Iwaizumi had crawled into his bed. And then Iwaizumi scowls, remembering the many times Oikawa had done the exact thing (and with a lot less clothes). He’s still hesitant even when he moves under the blanket, and holds his breath for a moment when he moves close to Oikawa. He can hear Oikawa’s deep breathes, and Iwaizumi will say he hates Oikawa’s loudness, but knows there was no way he could be sane if Oikawa was not with him always. And he can say he hates that Oikawa was bigger than him, but he really does love it when he moves Oikawa so that he was holding Iwaizumi, and so Iwaizumi could snuggle close to the other's chest. Iwaizumi makes himself slightly smaller, _I want to be close to you,_ and enjoys feeling Oikawa next to him.

_“Don’t cry, Hajime. I’m just going somewhere where you won’t be, not for a while. Okay?”_

He blinks for a few moments, remembers his dads last words, and then hears them fade away and become lost amongst the sounds of Oikawa’s heartbeat.

.

Oikawa wakes up suddenly, feels a weight in his arms, and blinks several times wondering why he’d been woken up from his pleasant dreams. He finds the weight in his arms to be a sleeping Iwaizumi, and though he’d hidden his face in Oikawa’s chest, Oikawa knows he’s frowning. He hears only Iwaizumi’s soft snoring and then hears what had woken him up in the first place.

_Another alpha?_

Quickly, Oikawa sits up, still holding onto Iwaizumi, who was just now waking up, his teeth begin to hurt (as they did when he was nervous or anxious) and remains still as he waits to hear it again. _Not now, this can’t be happening._ Oikawa panics, arms tighten around Iwaizumi, _he’s here._ And then, as though a gate had open, feels anger flood all his senses, sees red, hears nothing else, remembers when that monster had displaced him, when that monster forced Iwaizumi to run and run and to leave the stars in his beautiful, beautiful green eyes behind. _You’ve done this to me,_ Oikawa growls, _and I’m going to tear you apart._

And then he hears the howl again, and its Iwaizumi who is moving, leaving Oikawa’s arms and protection, getting out of the bed and listening closer.

“I’m going to murder him.” Oikawa whispers roughly, _I’m going to tear him apart, I’m going to break him and break him_ , sees the blood of his family, sees red, sees red. He gets out of the bed, but rage had grabbed him so tightly and he falls right into Iwaizumi’s waiting arms. Oikawa gasps and cries bitter tears and _I’m going to take away his everything_ but what everything did that alpha even have? What could you take away from a monster who had nothing and nobody, to protect because he’d already removed himself from anything that might make him human? And even tearing his throat out, and ripping his limbs off, and sinking his teeth so deep, and pulling out whatever heart he had left, how could that make him understand the pain Oikawa was in when he’d stolen all of Oikawa’s tomorrows and left him wandering in yesterdays he should forget?

“That’s not him!” Iwaizumi murmurs into Oikawa’s hair. “Can you hear me? Tooru, it’s not him.”

Oikawa shakes in Iwaizumi’s arms and tries to understand. “Not him?”

“No, it’s a child. The other alpha, can’t you hear it? He’s a child and he’s in pain.” Iwaizumi says and then there’s more howling, closer now, and Iwaizumi is right, _of course you’re right,_ the sound is too high to be that of their old pack alpha, _I know better than to call him that,_ it’s a child, and his howling is such an ugly and painful sound.

He feels Iwaizumi trembling too, but he knows that was for a different reason. He looks to Iwaizumi.

“We need to leave.” Oikawa says. _We’re only good for running, Hajime, let’s go home._ Oikawa gets up, leaves Iwaizumi on the floor as he quickly starts looking for their belongings. He needs to get out of here, the sound of that alpha was making him feel things he never, never wanted to feel again. He turns and finds Iwaizumi in the same position. “What are you doing?”

“It’s just a baby.” Iwaizumi whispers softly.

“And?” Oikawa snaps. He doesn’t see the way Iwaizumi’s eyes change until its too late. He runs out of the room, and towards the sound of the crying wolf.

Oikawa is frozen momentarily, _since when the fuck did we run towards danger?_

And then it clicks, _Iwaizumi’s in danger._ He growls before shifting into a wolf and sprinting after Iwaizumi. And Iwaizumi was always fast, more than anybody else and more than Oikawa. Oikawa’s worried he won’t get there quick enough, and that he’ll find Iwaizumi on the floor, blood seeping into a cold Earth that could only offer cheap luck and nothing else. Oikawa finds a small crowd of humans and knows that is where his mate was.

“What the hell are you doing!” He hears Iwaizumi scream. And then he sees just what they were crowding around.

There was Iwaizumi, arms stretched, eyes so, so angry (more angry than Oikawa had even seen before), and so desperate. And behind him, were three children, trembling and shaking, and so small, and there is blood, and Oikawa spots the alpha that had been wailing and howling, the alpha that had dragged Oikawa back into this nightmare. He must have shifted back, because he is no longer making those awful sounds. Oikawa sees the long marks on one of their backs, and sees the whip in the hands of the man that stands now across from Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi looks like he’s about to kill all of them.

Perhaps it was this that had all the humans frozen.

Or maybe it was that Oikawa, a grown alpha, was now moving towards them. He hears a few of them shriek and move back. They allow Oikawa to move to Iwaizumi, who doesn’t look back at him.

“Another fucking dog?” The human with the whip growls. Iwaizumi’s eyes darken and Oikawa has to fight the urge to bite the man who dare call him a _dog,_ he thinks it would only go to prove the mans point though Oikawa knows a point proven is nothing to a dead man.

At the loud sound, one of the children begins to sob. Oikawa watches as this breaks Iwaizumi’s heart. _Maybe I should just kill him?_ Oikawa takes a step towards the man but then watches as the crowd move closer to them. And then he notices the weapons in their hands. And he groans internally, he knows the two of them could get out of here easily, but the three children are in no condition to move, knows there is no way Iwaizumi will leave them behind.

“What are you going to do?” Iwaizumi asks, to him or to the humans, Oikawa is not sure. He watches the crowd lose its hesitance when they realize they could easily kill Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Wonders if Iwaizumi realized this too. “You’re going to kill us?”

“We’d be fine to.” One woman spits. “We don’t want no monsters in our town.” 

Oikawa snarls, _my Hajime is an angel,_ he wants to say, _grumpy, yes, a bit violent and sometimes so uncharacteristically rude, but still my perfect, cute angel,_ and they take a step back again. And then Iwaizumi laughs, and it’s so cold, Oikawa turns and sees the anger leave his eyes, and he’s determined, he’s got that look in his eyes that he had had when he grabbed Oikawa all those years ago and told them they had to live.

“You could kill us, easily too.” Iwaizumi says. Oikawa tenses and hears the crying behind Iwaizumi stop briefly.

And then Iwaizumi continues. “But just how many of you will survive that? Not all of you, that’s _certain_.” 

The words seem to have an immediate effect. The people begin to lose their desire to hurt, and instead look around at each other, and then to Iwaizumi, and then finally to Oikawa. Oikawa lets out a low, threatening growl, _I will kill as many of you as I can, if not all, if you touch him._

“All we want to do is to leave.” Iwaizumi says, voice still icy but losing a bit of its roughness. “I just want to take them away.”

The world holds its breath.

_“Please.”_

_._


	6. the other alpha

Perhaps it was because of their luck; their ridiculous luck. Or maybe it was because most of the humans were drunk and the sounds and sight of a large, growling wolf scared them more than swallowing their pride. Iwaizumi had said, _you_ _could take us, but we’ll take you as well,_ and they were listening. Whatever it was, this or that, the man with the whip scowls but moves away, he grabs a drink from somebody and walks off. Slowly, others begin to follow him and return home. Oikawa breathes out, and he wants to leave, but Iwaizumi is still and needs to make sure they’ve left them. The children are huddled together behind Iwaizumi and the small alpha child is watching Iwaizumi in a slight awe. _Iwaizumi._ Like Oikawa wasn’t here at all! The last man spits at the ground and glares at Oikawa.

“Don’t you forget our generosity.” He says before walking away as well. When they’ve all finally left, Iwaizumi turns to the children and all the roughness and aggression leaves him as he takes them all in his arms. He holds them for a few minutes, until they stop crying and until Iwaizumi stops shaking. Oikawa watches but doesn’t move towards them. Staying as a wolf meant he couldn’t tell Iwaizumi to get up because who knows how long the _generosity_ of the humans was going to last. But he seems to understand when their eyes meet, and Iwaizumi stands up and removes his jacket. He wraps it around the alpha and then lifts him up.

“You two,” Iwaizumi says softly to the other two children. They were betas, Oikawa thinks. “Can you go onto his back?”

Oikawa would gasp if he could; Iwaizumi was the one who said it was embarrassing to carry people on your back. The only thing worse than a dog was being a horse. Oikawa wants to protest because it was two strangers as well. And why did they have to take them? He lets out a low growl. Iwaizumi turns to Oikawa, the small alpha clutching onto Iwaizumi’s shirt and refusing to look anywhere else, and the softness begins to leave his features.

“There isn’t going to be an issue, right?” Iwaizumi asks coldly.

_Nope!_

Oikawa doesn’t kneel however when the small children try to get on top of him, he doesn’t want to help but they manage. The weight makes Oikawa frown. But he swallows his complaints for now. _Stupid, stupid Hajime!_ At the very least, Oikawa thinks as he follows Iwaizumi back to the inn they’d stayed at (he assumes to get their belongings), he hadn’t asked him to carry the alpha.

.

They had left the town as quick as they could, and Iwaizumi doesn’t stop moving until they get back home. Oikawa whined and moaned, but no, Iwaizumi continues forward. The three children, that had remained so quiet and so still, are in awe of the castle. Oikawa wants to smirk.

 _This is my home, see?_ He wants to say, wants to show off. _This is where me and my omega live. Isn’t it perfect? Isn’t he perfect?_

The children slideoff Oikawa’s back – slide! – and stand awkwardly wondering what to do next. Iwaizumi keeps the small alpha in his arms, who doesn’t let go of Iwaizumi either. Oikawa shifts, groans and then begins stretching, _how can you expect me to hold two of them all this time!_

“You’re really working me like a dog, huh, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa says. He tries to say it playfully but can’t help how furious he comes across. Somewhere, deep down, there is a part of him that hates the omega bossing him around, hates the omega that would not submit the way he’d done so many times before, hates the omega that holds another alpha. He tries to push this thoughts to the back of his mind.

Oikawa puts on some clothes, neither he nor Iwaizumi were really fazed about being naked; they were naked after they shifted so it would be troublesome otherwise. But in front of these children, these strangers?

Iwaizumi ignores him, Oikawa narrows his eyes in annoyance, and instead focuses on the children they’d brought into their home. Oikawa sighs before doing the same. 

The betas remain close together, hands held tight, one hides from Oikawa behind the other, he stares at them both, eyes moving down, he sees bruises, nasty, hand-sized, over their too-thin bodies. Sees that bandages around one of their wrists. They shake so much at every loud sound and even though Oikawa was nowhere near as empathetic as Iwaizumi, something inside of him aches at the sight of the small children. It was clear they’d been hurt for a long time.

And then he looks at the other alpha.

Oikawa had always been wary of other alphas; he knew this was something all alphas felt and it was only heightened by the fact his last pack was massacred by an insecure, monstrous alpha. But there was something else about this one, with his silly bowl cut and his big, blue eyes, that made Oikawa angry. Something that made him seem like a threat. Oikawa thinks, rationally, the child shouldn’t be a threat to him at all. In fact, he could kill him right now and his only concern really would be cleaning up and maybe Iwaizumi. The small alpha hadn’t stopped shaking either, and the bruises on him are so much worse than the other two, he was much thinner as well, and there are multiple lashes over his back, and Oikawa is certain there are other scars too. He'd been hurt more than the other two. The alpha stays so close to Iwaizumi, crying so quietly. _He looks so pitiful, but why does he seem so dangerous?_ There is a small urge to hurt him more, to ensure he understood who was the strongest, and the more Oikawa wonders about hurting him, the stronger the idea gets until he can’t keep still.

_Iwaizumi would hate you._

And it’s because of that Oikawa doesn’t move to the alpha in his mates arms. Because the worst thing that could ever happen was for Iwaizumi to look at him with something other than love, either soft or tough, in his green eyes.

“I’m going to get some food.” Oikawa says, breaking the silence.

“Thank you.” Iwaizumi murmurs. As Oikawa leaves, he watches the other two move into Iwaizumi’s embrace again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i hope i'm getting the characterization of Oikawa right....


	7. those that deserved it

Kunimi had frozen when the omega had pulled him into a hug. His bones had ached, and the sound of Kageyama’s crying hurt more than that, and he was so, so hungry. It had been so long, Kunimi had thought, when he noticed the calming and foresty scent of the omega, since he had been held so gently.

.

Oikawa returns briefly to drop off some fish he’d caught and even a few berries (food had always been so abundant and plenty for Oikawa and Iwaizumi, so much so that Oikawa had once commented that the animals jumped into their arms and Iwaizumi hadn’t been able to argue). He sees that the three children have been washed and bandaged and were resting in Iwaizumi’s bed. Iwaizumi gives him a grateful smile and takes the food. Oikawa is about to leave again (he still needed to cool down) when Iwaizumi quickly hugs him.

“Oh?” Oikawa’s shocked but revels in the fact Iwaizumi was finally with him, it had annoyed him that he had to share his pack member with those strangers. Oikawa wonders if that’s why Iwaizumi was being affectionate towards him now; to keep him happy. He cards his fingers through Iwaizumi’s spiky hair.

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi whispers suddenly, Oikawa notes the distressed scent now surrounding Iwaizumi. For all the years Oikawa had known Iwaizumi, there’d only been a handful of times Iwaizumi had been something other than strong, calm and certain. And Oikawa hates it, hates that Iwaizumi was so hurt and hates that he can’t do anything other than hold him in his arms now. “Oikawa, they _branded_ them. They… They – “

“Sssh.” Oikawa replies softly, pulls Iwaizumi closer, hates it, hates how broken he sounds. “We have them now, we’ll keep them safe now, okay?”

Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything, but Oikawa notices that he relaxes slightly at the alpha’s words. Oikawa might regret it, later, he thinks. Promising Iwaizumi to keep the children. Promising that they’d both keep them safe. Promising to share his home with an alpha that had Oikawa constantly on edge. And then his thoughts begin to change, because he was furious at those humans that had reduced Iwaizumi to this, called him a dog and branded small children like they were less than dirt. They stay there for a little longer, Oikawa’s heart beats a bit faster, excited, as he thinks about hurting those humans, he wanted them to suffer.

.

 _Sometimes it was nice to hurt those that deserved it_ , Oikawa thinks as he washes the blood off his hands and watches the water turn red.

.

When Oikawa finally returns from a revenge he’d never tell Iwaizumi about, he finds the four of them in the throne room. The two betas are sitting on Oikawa’s throne, the quiet one is nibbling on a peach and the loud one is speaking to Iwaizumi and waving his hands as he explains. The alpha is sitting on the smaller throne and is still and nervous as Iwaizumi drags a paintbrush over his chest. Oikawa realizes the other two are also shirtless, except they seemed to have already been painted. There are now small vines and flowers winding around their arms, curling at their chests, and disappearing over their shoulders. Oikawa recognizes the drawings as the plants with the turquoise petals that had surrounded his and Iwaizumi’s childhood home.

Iwaizumi is careful not to hurt the alpha child, making sure to avoid the bruises and lashes.

“It was me and Kunimi, and then there was Kageyama and we all stayed there together!” The loud one says, he’s excited and speaks so fast. Iwaizumi smiles fondly at the beta as though saying _I’m listening, I’m here and I’m listening._ Oikawa is surprised at the change in their mood. Just a few days ago, the two of them had held onto each other so tightly. “But he smelt different. And he can’t speak properly.”

“That’s because Kageyama is an alpha.” Oikawa hears Iwaizumi explain, and he finally has a name to a face that makes him so anxious. Kageyama inhales sharply, Oikawa spots the burn on his neck, the brand, before Iwaizumi quickly covers it with paint. He remains there, watching them and unwilling to ruin whatever small peace Iwaizumi had created for the children. “Like that crappykawa.”

“C-Crappykawa?” The small alpha repeats in a small voice. Oikawa’s jaw drops.

“What are you teaching them!” Oikawa squawks. Iwaizumi begins laughing at Oikawa’s outraged tone. But the amusement is lost on the children. The beta stops talking and has fear on his way too expressive face. The alpha pales and jumps back. Iwaizumi curses as the paint smudges.

“You’re scaring them, dumbass!” Iwaizumi snaps. “Get the hell out!”

“Why should I!” Oikawa sees the small beta hide behind the other again. “They’re in _my_ house!”

Oikawa isn’t quick enough to dodge the paintbrush that Iwaizumi throws at him. 


	8. i hope it hurts

_Omega’s were soft and sweet and submissive,_ Oikawa thinks briefly before all his thoughts are consumed by the soft whimpers and flowery scent of the woman underneath him. He presses his lips against her collarbone. _But there is something wrong with mine._

.

Oikawa had been spending less and less time with Iwaizumi, and he’d begun to wonder that perhaps he was wrong in wanting a pack now that he had one. Well, as Oikawa glances towards the four of them, all curled up together and sleeping and in their shifted forms, now that Iwaizumi had a pack because he’s certain those kids would never look at him with something other than fear. He’s annoyed as he crawls into his own, painfully empty, bed. Doesn’t look back at Iwaizumi. Remembers the woman from earlier. She’d told him that she would be his and god, Oikawa had never wanted to hear something more. She’d understood, perhaps, that it was just for the night, that Oikawa had somebody else waiting for him (or more correctly, someone else Oikawa was waiting for) and she’d told him all the things he’d wanted to hear. Told him he was strong, that he was capable and that she felt so, so safe with him, that he was beautiful and the best fuck of her life. _Is it so hard,_ Oikawa thinks bitterly, _that Iwaizumi be the omega he was supposed to be for me? That he submit to me, and love me and only me?_

.

Oikawa sits across from the four of them, again, and listens as Kindaichi, who he’d found out was the taller beta, asks Iwaizumi question after question. Oikawa had already gotten sick of the child’s voice, and wonders when Iwaizumi was going to tell the kid to shut up, and then remembers that Iwaizumi was patient now, and kinder now, and not at all like he’d been when he’d hit Oikawa to the ground all those years ago when all he’d wanted was an explanation, and not when he’d not spoken for months after even when Oikawa begged and begged for it and instead left Oikawa all alone.

“What are those?” Oikawa who’d been tearing into his dinner looks up in surprise when he hears another voice. The smaller alpha, who unlike the other two was still so attached to Iwaizumi after all these months, was sitting on Iwaizumi’s lap and pointing towards the sky. Oikawa immediately scowls.

“What?” Iwaizumi asks, tightening his hold on Kageyama when he sees Oikawa’s face.

“The sparkly things.” Kageyama replies. Oikawa snorts.

“What? Are you an idiot?” Oikawa interrupts, a cruel smile now on his face as he sees the small alpha blush. “There’s no way you don’t know what _stars_ are?”

Kageyama’s blush deepens and he looks down at the ground. _Good,_ Oikawa thinks, pleased, _your eyes better not meet mine again brat._

“Shut up stupidkawa!” Iwaizumi barks, and then he smirks at Oikawa when the small beta Kunimi giggles at the nickname. “Don’t think I forget how you thought your lips fell off when you couldn’t feel them.”

The giggling continues and Oikawa’s huffs and puffs are ignored by Iwaizumi who brushes Kageyama’s hair out of his way too blue eyes.

“They’re called stars.” Iwaizumi explains to the children who look at him like he was the one that hung them in the sky. Oikawa’s not jealous, but maybe he wanted people to look at him the same way, and maybe people was Iwaizumi and no he wasn’t jealous. “And they were put there so we wouldn’t ever get lost.”

The children seem to be happy with Iwaizumi’s rather vague explanation.

“And they protect the next world.” Oikawa adds after a while. He doesn’t look at them but he can feel their stares. Oikawa pokes the ground with a stick, remembering the explanation wasn’t Iwaizumi’s but rather his parents when Iwaizumi had asked the same question when they were just children. It had been so magical when Iwaizumi’s parents had explained the stars as guardians of a sort of paradise that welcomed only people worthy of such beauty and peace. They’d explained that the purest souls had been picked by a higher power who Oikawa now calls God and placed in the sky so that they would always provide light to those feeling the worlds darkness, that they would always guide the ones who were lost.

“They protect a place that… “Oikawa hesitates, flashes of the people he’d ripped apart appearing in his mind, remembers not only them but the strong _desire_ to hurt and dominate, knows that his thoughts and his soul was not at all pure, not at all innocent and good.

“A place that we’re going to be someday.” Iwaizumi finishes.

.

Iwaizumi frowns at Oikawa. He’d been doing that a lot lately. The kids were behind him, waiting for Iwaizumi because they wouldn’t sleep unless they knew he was protecting them. Oikawa raises his eyebrows.

“Yes?”

“You’re going out again?” Iwaizumi asks. They look at each other for a bit longer. He knows Iwaizumi wasn’t an idiot, and that the marks on Oikawa’s neck, the scent of another omega, the long hours he’d disappear, he knows Iwaizumi knows exactly what he does in the night, and who he must be with. Oikawa smiles, but its cold and there is nothing humorous, _you can’t give me what I want, Hajime, you don’t want to._

“Of course. I’m surprised you noticed, if I’m honest.” Oikawa looks at the kids and they finally look back. Iwaizumi says nothing, does nothing. Oikawa wants desperately hear Iwaizumi say, _of course I notice, I notice everything, you’re still my everything, you're still my alpha and I don’t want you going out, I want you with me, I want you, I want you, I only want you._ But he doesn’t.

 _I hope it hurts,_ he thinks as he leaves Iwaizumi behind, _I hope I’ve hurt you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo what do you guys think of Oikawa? 
> 
> :P


	9. not everything is worth fighting for

His father had said, _not everything is worth fighting for,_ and given up. His father had given up on tomorrows and preferred to just lie there and die. His father, who’d seen the world, with both its beauty and all its cruelty, who’d lived so much longer than Iwaizumi, knew that there was nothing worth staying for. He’d ordered Iwaizumi to survive as he himself chose to die. He’d said, words almost drowned out by the sound of screaming, _I’ll meet you again, I’m just going somewhere you won’t be for a while._ And Iwaizumi had wanted to scream, had wanted so desperately to grab his fathers’ hand and run away with him and Oikawa, he’d wanted them to be together, and he’d wanted to scream, _why should I stay if you don’t stay?_ But he had not because his father had pushed him towards Oikawa as he himself was pulled into a horrific death and into a place Iwaizumi was not. Pulled towards a death he chose because he didn’t want to fight, because not everything was worth fighting for, because Iwaizumi wasn’t worth fighting for, and _why couldn’t you fight for me?_

His father used to create stories so full of magic and wonder which had Iwaizumi falling in love with a world that maybe never was, over and over again. A world where stars guarded a heaven they would one day be in, a heaven where they could dance and play and love and love. A world where oceans were commanded by a woman called fate that would pull and push you until you were where you were supposed to be. A world where forests would hide so, so many secrets and all those secrets were good because the world could only ever be good. _He didn’t fight for that world, because that world doesn’t exist._

He thinks of how stars were not old souls but just tiny, tiny atoms fusing together for no other reason other than to just survive. Thinks of oceans that were merciless and merciless only. Thinks of fate that would stick her fingers where they didn’t belong, and force things, and laugh at the misery she created, and he didn’t want to be controlled by something he couldn’t see in the first place. He thinks of the marks burnt onto Kageyama’s skin, thinks of Oikawa who would cry and tremble and break and break everytime he thought of what had happened to them all those years ago.

His father had said, _I’ll meet you again._ And he’d left. But the words didn’t make Iwaizumi feel better, and had instead ripped out the stars and love in his eyes and left him so empty and so angry and not everything is worth fighting for and maybe he wouldn’t meet them again because everything in the world was so underwhelming and death was most likely the same. Iwaizumi wipes tears from his eyes, he’s furious and so, so disappointed.

_Maybe there’s nothing, maybe there’s a paradise, but all I know is that I’m here, and you’re not here. And I hate you. I’m sorry, but I hate you._

_._

Oikawa wakes up to blue eyes.

He yelps as Kageyama screams slightly and moves off the bed.

“What the-“ He growls, and then yawns, and then looks back at the children. He _hated_ being woken up and he has half a mind to make sure they never make the same mistake. Kageyama is hiding behind Kindaichi, who is whispering to Kunimi. And then Oikawa, who could probably just fall back asleep, notices that Iwaizumi was missing. His heart drops, tired eyes widen. “Where is he?”

“He-“ Kunimi starts, and maybe Oikawa hates that they always speak in such small voices when speaking to him. “He ran out.”

“Why?” Oikawa notices the sun wasn’t even up yet. 

“He was crying.” Kageyama answers quietly. .

“Crying?” Oikawa repeats incredulously. He almost wants to laugh, because since when did Iwaizumi cry? _But maybe he was. Maybe he was when you were sleeping, maybe he doesn’t want you to see._ And Oikawa leaves the children, leaves to find Iwaizumi, but he’s not sure if it’s to comfort Iwaizumi , or whether he wanted to see him cry.

.

Oikawa had told him once that it didn’t matter if stars were just atoms fusing together, because even science could be so beautiful sometimes.

.

Iwaizumi didn’t want to be found, and so even after hours of searching, Oikawa returns to his home without him. He’s angry, and upset, but he still strokes Kindaichi’s fur until he sleeps, because he’d asked and Oikawa knows he wouldn’t sleep otherwise. Kunimi rests next to Kindaichi and the two of them fall asleep on Oikawa. Kageyama is on Iwaizumi’s bed, the two alphas don’t speak but they know, Oikawa won’t ask him if he has trouble sleeping, and Kageyama won’t ask for Oikawa’s help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh... i hope none of these are too out of character for iwa and oikawa 
> 
> also, if we're being technical here, there is no way iwa would know what stars really are (considering the time period they're in).... but lets just ignore that :))


	10. a good alpha

Kunimi and Kindaichi had, when Iwaizumi and Kageyama had gone somewhere else, told Oikawa that they disliked Kageyama, that just because he was an alpha, he shouldn’t be allowed to be so mean and so bossy. They’d told him that they liked the alpha Oikawa was, because he let them do what they wanted and didn’t annoy them and he was big, strong and didn’t cry all the time. It had made him feel good, to hear that they liked him, to hear that he was a good alpha because nobody else had ever said that to him. It made him happy to hear that they hated Kageyama the way he hated Kageyama.

.

“They said that I was a good alpha.” Oikawa brings up to Iwaizumi as they wander through the forest near their home. Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything. Oikawa continues talking. “It was nice to be appreciated, Iwa-chan. Maybe you could learn something from them. An alpha likes to hear those things. I like to hear that I’m a good alp-“

Iwaizumi’s sudden burst of laughter causes Oikawa’s heart to drop. He turns around and faces him, scowls when Iwaizumi doesn’t stop laughing. Hates him.

“What’s so funny?” He asks icily. 

“You don’t really believe you’ve done anything worth appreciating.” Iwaizumi answers. Oikawa freezes, and Iwaizumi walks past him. Hates him so much. And maybe he should let it go, because Iwaizumi was so mean and so unlike what the omega Oikawa wanted to be him and he thought he loved that but now he hates it and so no, maybe he can’t let it go. He grabs Iwaizumi’s arm roughly.

“Oi! What the fuck do you think-“Iwaizumi shuts up quickly when he sees how angry Oikawa was. And anyone else would stop and listen and submit but since when was Iwaizumi like everyone else? No, he gets angry, perhaps even angrier than Oikawa.

“What are you doing? Let me go!” He growls. Oikawa just holds tighter, and he’s certain he’s bruised Iwaizumi and it’s the closest he’s ever had to making a mark on Iwaizumi because Iwaizumi always pushed him away and never responded to any of Oikawa’s affection so maybe he has to hold him like this, maybe Oikawa has to treat him like this so he can learn. _I’m still an alpha. Still your alpha, even if you don’t treat me like it._

He never expects it, when Iwaizumi hits him, which he probably should considering Iwaizumi was aggressive and spoke with actions. And he hears it now, dammit, when Iwaizumi’s fist knocks him to the ground.

“I’m not your fucking toy, Oikawa, if you wanted to hear pretty lies, go find yourself another omega who doesn’t know who you really are.” Iwaizumi spits out, he turns away. Oikawa thinks that maybe he could lie here, maybe he could wait and then tomorrow they’d forget their fight like they had done every fight beforehand. Oikawa exhales softly, knows that if they left it everything would be find tomorrow, but what about today, what about all the anger and hurt of today? And if not now, then when? Oikawa gets up, heart pounding, excited perhaps, and runs after Iwaizumi’s figure.

“Wha-“ Iwaizumi starts but can’t finish because Oikawa’s launched himself at Iwaizumi. They hit the ground hard, and Iwaizumi can’t say anything, not when Oikawa’s punched him back. Iwaizumi spits out blood, eyes frantic and full of rage as he looks up at Oikawa.

“You fuckin-“

“Take it back!”

“Like hell I’d-“

“All I ever wanted-“ 

“You’re a spoilt litt-“

“A sorry excuse for an ome-“

“You’re one to talk, you whiny bitc-“

The two of them grab at each other, hit each other, spit curses and threats at each other. The two so, so mad and so, so ready to hurt the other. Oikawa manages to grab Iwaizumi’s wrists and pins them above his head. He squirms and struggles underneath Oikawa, but ultimately can’t do anything. Oikawa smiles triumphantly, winces slightly because of the cut on his lip.

“Ah, you look so good underneath me.” He coos, a voice like honey, a voice with a sweetness that made you sick. With his free hand, he runs his thumb across Iwaizumi’s lips, smears blood. He laughs because he’d never seen Iwaizumi look so mad.

“Let me go, Tooru!”

Oikawa laughs under his breath. “Why the fuck would I do that?”

Iwaizumi turns his face away from Oikawa and tries to even out his breaths. Oikawa pauses too, trying to calm down, trying to focus. He’s got Iwaizumi where he wants him. When Iwaizumi’s body relaxes, Oikawa lets his hands go.

“Can you just…” Oikawa starts, he sighs. “Can we just talk?”

Iwaizumi responds with a pained and dark laugh. “Talk? You’ve just beat me up.”

“You beat me up too!” Oikawa points out. “ _And_ you started it.”

“You started it!” Iwaizumi snaps.

“I just want to talk.” Oikawa repeats, voice soft, he’s desperate. He misses him, misses Iwaizumi, hates having to hate him. “And I know that’s not your strong suit but-“

Iwaizumi covers his eyes with his hands. Oikawa swallows.

“Hajime. Hajime, _please._ ”

“Then talk.” He replies, voice gruff but at least he’s not mad anymore.

“You don’t talk to me anymore.” Oikawa can’t help the tears the begin to sting his eyes. He wipes them away quickly, because he didn’t want to always cry in front of Iwaizumi. He wanted to talk, so he can’t be the one to start crying and whimpering and blubbering. He wants Iwaizumi to listen. “You never talk to me, even after our family was slaughtered, you didn’t talk to me. You didn’t listen, you never… You left me all alone, Hajime.”

There is a long silence, and Iwaizumi avoids Oikawa’s eyes. Oikawa notices that sometimes Iwaizumi could look so small.

“Why did you move?” Iwaizumi finally whispers, and his voice is so small, so delicate and careful, like he’d break if he spoke any louder. “When you said you wanted to die, why did you choose to survive?”

_If there is a tomorrow, then, more than anything, I want -_

Iwaizumi opens his eyes, and the greenish grey meet Oikawa’s. And he looks so vulnerable, eyes as desperate as Oikawa feels, and it had been those eyes that had met Oikawa’s when all he could do was cry, it had been Iwaizumi that had grabbed his hand and told him, _we have to move, we have to survive,_ and he’d held onto Iwaizumi and he thought, _I don’t want to let go, I want to go with you, wherever you go, I want to be with you,_ and his family had died, and he’d lost so much, and tomorrows were so uncertain and he wasn’t even sure if they could ever wake up from the nightmare they’d been thrown into, but he’d thought, _I want to stay with you._

“I wanted to stay with you.”

“You wanted to stay with me?”

“Yeah. More than anything. If there was going to be a tomorrow, then I wanted to spend it with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii! 
> 
> i just wanted to say a big, big thank you for all the amazing and thoughtful comments i've been getting!! 
> 
> hope you enjoyed this chapter and that it wasn't too rushed. please think of their fight/talk as a bandaid over a huge, 10+ year wound


	11. my crown

They really had ridiculously good luck.

.

Iwaizumi had been peeling and cutting apples for Oikawa and Kunimi (because the two were so picky) when the screaming had first started. Oikawa quickly opens his eyes and realizes that it was _Kindaichi_ screaming. And he wasn’t hurt but angry. And then Kageyama is screaming back, and then there is a sound of cracking bones, and something falling over, and pained yelps, and low growls.

“What are those dumbasses doing?” Iwaizumi clenches his fists, he gets up and follows the sound of the two small wolves fighting. Oikawa follows but only after ruffling Kunimi’s hair because he knows Kunimi hates that. Kunimi grimaces and hits Oikawa’s hands away. _Ah, Kageyama might get hurt._

When Oikawa finally walks into the scene, his original delight is replaced by annoyance. Because they were fighting in the _library._ And because it was so clear that Kageyama was winning. He’s faster and stronger and _ruthless_ as he bites into Kindaichi’s neck, grabs on and then throws him against one of the books shelves. The books fall down and hit Kindaichi, but it doesn’t stop him from immediately tackling Kageyama and crashing into yet another book shelf.

“Hey!” Iwaizumi shouts as he storms towards them, pulling his sleeves to his elbows. Kindaichi tries to bite Kageyama, but with the strength only an alpha could have, Kageyama kicks Kindaichi off him and oh, Kindaichi _flies_ across the room and hits the wall. And this time the wall cracks. Kageyama moves forward to attack again.

“Okay that’s enough.” Oikawa grabs the small alpha by the scruff of his neck. The alpha, still high on the adrenaline, tries to bite Oikawa too. Oikawa scowls, using his free hand to shut Kageyama’s mouth. Blue eyes glare at him. Oikawa hisses, “Don’t you fucking try it, brat.”

Iwaizumi has Kindaichi in his arms, whose whimpering softly, Oikawa wonders briefly whether it was because of any pain or if it was the huge punishment Iwaizumi was no doubt going to give the two of them. Oikawa almost feels bad, but quickly forgets that when he looks behind Iwaizumi and towards the wall that was now destroyed.

“The two of you are- “

“What’s that, Iwa?” Oikawa asks, curious, and steps towards the wall.

“What’s what?” Iwaizumi turns as well. And then, “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Is that… A secret passageway?”

.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Iwaizumi says gruffly as he glares at the spiders on the wall as if daring them to move towards him. He narrows his eyes and one of the spiders stops in its tracks.

“Language, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa chastises even though none of the kids were with them. Iwaizumi had told Kindaichi and Kageyama that they’d better cool off and rest before dinner, because they were going to need the energy when they started fixing the library they’d ruined. Kunimi had looked amused, at least that’s what Oikawa thinks, it was hard to tell with that blank face. He and Iwaizumi had decided to walk into the secret passageway together.

“Ugh.” Oikawa shudders as he walks through yet another web. Frantically tries to get it off his hair. “Are we sure we should be walking down here?”

“With our crazy luck, there’s no way anything awful will be at the end of this.” Iwaizumi says back. “In fact, I’m almost 100% certain the room is going to filled with like… A bunch of treasure and…. Oh wow.”

“A bunch of treasure.” Oikawa repeats, he starts laughing as he moves the torch so they can see better, so they can see the treasure better. “I’m starting to think our luck _is_ a bit creepy.”

.

There hadn’t been _so_ much, Oikawa thinks as he sits on his throne, but there had been quite a bit. And when Iwaizumi said that they should keep the gold there, and only take what they needed, Oikawa had wanted to respond with something along the lines of, _I need all of it._ But in the end, Iwaizumi had only allowed Oikawa to take the crown he’d seen. Oikawa wears it now and he feels like he really could rule the world and then Iwaizumi walks in. Oikawa loved Iwaizumi before he knew what it had meant. And in the whole world, Oikawa probably only really loved Iwaizumi. And a few years ago, when he’d finally shifted and became an alpha in more than just the name, he’d wanted to _tear Iwaizumi apart._ Oikawa wanted to claim him, and have him always, and love him, and fuck him. God, he wanted to fuck him. On this throne. He wanted Iwaizumi to cry out his name, wanted Iwaizumi to moan, wanted to sink his teeth into Iwaizumi’s neck so everyone knew that Iwaizumi was his, wanted Iwaizumi to know exactly who he belonged to.

“Stop making such perverted faces.” Iwaizumi flicks Oikawa on the forehead.

“Ouch! You’re going to ruin my beautiful face!” Oikawa cries out. “You’re such a brute, Iwa-chan! So violent! So awful!”

“Alright, clench your teeth.” Iwaizumi says, he rolls up sleeves and clenches his fist.

“Wait!” Oikawa begins, closing his eyes tightly and moving away, but Iwaizumi grabs his face. “No!”

And then Iwaizumi kisses him.

It’s small, and brief, and just on his jaw. But Oikawa feels as though everything in the world has stopped. _Oh._ Iwaizumi lets go and takes a step back and Oikawa can only watch him as he begins to blush, can only watch as Iwaizumi looks to the ground and refuses to meet Oikawa’s eyes.

“You kissed me.” Oikawa says weakly, because it had been so quick and the more he thinks about it, the more it seems like it’s a dream.

“I didn’t _kiss_ you!” Iwaizumi stammers, he places his hands over his eyes, but Oikawa can still see the blush on the tips of his ears. “Not… At least not the way you’re making it sound.”

“You kissed me.” Oikawa repeats, his mouth slowly taking on a smile, and with the faintest of touches, he places his fingers on his jaw where Iwaizumi’s lips had been just moments before. “You really kissed me.”

“You! Stop sounding so happy!”

“I’m never going to wash my face again.”

“You’re disgusting!” Iwaizumi’s blush only feeds Oikawa’s desire to embarrass him. He stands up, and moves Iwaizumi’s hands away from his face.

“My sweet, cute, tiny Iwa-chan kissed me.” Oikawa _is_ happy. “This is the best day of my life.”

He gently raises Iwaizumi’s chin and they stare into each others eyes. _You love me too, huh?_ Iwaizumi holds his breath when Oikawa slowly moves his face closer. Iwaizumi’s eyes are closed tightly, and he’s so tense underneath Oikawa’s hands, and his lips are slightly puckered. Oikawa wishes more than anything he would remember this for all the tomorrows they had left. 

“Oh?” Oikawa breathes out. “You want me to kiss you?”

Iwaizumi’s eyes snap open, and he’s never looked so embarrassed before. “You better not be teasi-“

Oikawa shuts him up with a kiss. A real kiss. He notices almost immediately how Iwaizumi relaxes and leans in towards Oikawa. And his lips are so soft, and he tastes like berries, and Oikawa never knew Iwaizumi could be so cute and he kisses Oikawa back so gently, like he’s nervous and Oikawa loved it but he was hungry for a lot more. Oikawa deepens the kiss, biting Iwaizumi’s lower lip, the small gasp only makes Oikawa want to ruin Iwaizumi a bit more. And maybe he’s too harsh, maybe he notices the way Iwaizumi trembles and loves that too, and he grabs Iwaizumi by his hair, and kisses him on the neck.

“Tooru.” Iwaizumi whimpers. _Whimpers._ And maybe Oikawa would finally be able to have Iwaizumi the way he’s wanted for so long, but then he notices a scent of a wolf, _wolves,_ he doesn’t recognize. And he could continue, but the children were outside, and Oikawa can’t help how his heart clenches, how the hair on the back of his neck raises, how scared he starts to feel because _what if something was happening to them?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooh! guess whose coming in next chapter? 
> 
> also, i just really wanted to give oikawa a crown


	12. enter shiratorizawa

“Stay here.” Oikawa murmurs against Iwaizumi’s lips and before Iwaizumi can ask why, Oikawa’s left the room, leaving him in a daze. Iwaizumi sinks to the ground and raises shaky fingers to his lips. He’d liked it, the kisses, liked Oikawa, liked making Oikawa happy. He can’t seem to focus, thinks about the look in Oikawa’s eyes before he’d kissed him, thinks about how Oikawa had said, _let me die, I want to die,_ thinks about how Oikawa’s left him now. And its like he’s been thrown into ice cold water, when he finally notices the scent of strange alphas in his home, when he finally hears the scared howl from Kageyama.

.

Oikawa remembers when Iwaizumi had visited that witch and bought that charm, or spell, or whatever the hell it had been. Iwaizumi had told him that it meant that people would not be able to notice the castle unless they knew it was there. So, he wonders how, as he sprints towards the sound of Kageyama, those alphas managed to find them. He spots the two alphas, and sees the children behind them. Kageyama had shifted, and stands between the two alphas and Kindaichi and Kunimi, who are so, so still. It hurts Oikawa when he realizes they were scared. Before he can move any closer, a white wolf shoots past Oikawa, _Iwaizumi,_ and tackles the closest alpha to the ground. The red head shouts in surprise and Oikawa, who’d thought he couldn’t be any more scared at the thought of having the kids hurt realizes that there was something else much more precious he could lose.

“Hajime!” Oikawa shouts, grabbing the white wolf who’d sunk his claws into the alpha, Iwaizumi struggles to get free. “Stop!”

“Man, I never thought I’d get attacked by an omega.” The red head comments, winces as he stands back up. Oikawa manages to get Iwaizumi to stop. He grins at Oikawa. “You should really put _that_ on a leash.”

“I’ll rip your heart out.” Iwaizumi snarls, he’d shifted back, but Oikawa doesn’t let him go, holds him close. Oikawa hates it, but there is no way he could fight the two alphas right now, not when the children could get hurt, not when Iwaizumi could die.

“Tendou.” A new voice speaks. Oikawa finally takes in the other alpha, who’d been standing there and not helping his companion despite any damage Iwaizumi could have done (though Oikawa was sure neither of them had taken Iwaizumi seriously because since when could an omega really hurt an alpha?). The alpha, Oikawa realizes with annoyance, is taller than him, larger than him, more intimidating than him, and probably suited the title of alpha more than Oikawa ever could. His olive-green eyes meet Oikawa’s and there is a superiority in them, a certainty, a lack of fear, and it was like he wasn’t taking Oikawa seriously either. Like Oikawa was less than him.

“What, Wakatoshi-kun?” Tendou asks, Oikawa sees Tendou’s eyes slide down Iwaizumi’s naked figure slowly. “Oho? You like what you see, hm?”

Then the other alpha blushes slightly. He looks away and Oikawa’s jaw drops. And all the threat and all the fear is quickly forgotten. Tendou laughs before taking off his coat and giving it to Iwaizumi, who is blushing furiously as he puts it on. He moves from Oikawa’s arms.

“Just what the fuck are you doing here?” Oikawa snaps, because maybe he would rather be worrying about how they were going to survive instead of worrying that another alpha has fallen in love with Iwaizumi.

“We’re not here to hurt you.” The alpha with the olive-green eyes assures. He still can’t meet Iwaizumi’s eyes. He still can’t stop blushing.

“Then what – “ Iwaizumi starts but when the other alpha sneaks a look at him, he stops and growls. “ _Stop looking at me!”_

“You’re his type, sweetie.”

Oikawa was pissed. They’d interrupted his kisses with Iwaizumi, scared his family, and now they were complimenting his omega right in front of him! He is debating on whether he could just kill the red one when someone grabs onto his leg. He lets out a surprised gasp and then notices it was only Kunimi. He quickly forgets about killing and hurting and ruffles Kunimi’s hair as if saying, _don’t worry, I’m here, so you don’t have to be so scared._ Oikawa wasn’t willing to lose anyone, and so despite everything that tells him that he should kill the alphas across from him, he remains still and forces himself to listen.

“We were just curious. We were passing by and noticed magic.” The larger alpha explains. “We didn’t realize anyone lived here until the tiny alpha attacked us.”

Oikawa looks at Kageyama when he is mentioned. Oikawa didn’t like Kageyama, and he probably never would, but he’s pleased to hear that Kageyama, despite being a total brat and always stealing Iwaizumi for himself, would fight for their family and home. Kageyama, noticing the tiny smile of approval on Oikawa’s face, perks up, eyes brightening and he’s sure everyone notices the way the scent in the room changes from distress and anger to one that was much more happy and celebratory. 

“Then leave.” Oikawa replies, _maybe I’m too harsh on Kageyama._ “Now that you know. You don’t need to be here anymore.”

“You’re not even going to offer us dinner?” Tendou’s voice gives Oikawa the same feeling he’d had when he’d once dragged his claws down a metal sheet. “How impolite!”

“Tendou.” The alpha says. “We’ll leave.”

He gives a slight nod to Oikawa and then gives his full attention to Iwaizumi. He takes Iwaizumi’s hand in his large ones. Iwaizumi blinks, mouth slightly open, and doesn’t move his hand away. “I apologize for any distress we may have caused to you.”

And then the alpha places a kiss on the back of Iwaizumi’s hand.

“My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi. I hope the next time we meet will be in better circumstances.”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :P


	13. that stupid ushiwaka

“The audacity of some people!” Oikawa shouts. Iwaizumi was still flustered by Ushijima’s advances and was stroking Kindaichi’s and Kageyama’s fur to calm them, and himself, down. Though Kageyama certainly didn’t look like he needed to be calmed down, not with that wolfish smile because _Oikawa-san smiled at me!_ The two alphas had left a few hours ago, and Oikawa is fighting the urge to run after them and make them realize the mistake of making a move on his mate.

“He said next time! There will be no next time, do you understand Iwa-chan!” Oikawa turns to Iwaizumi who just frowns at him.

“Huh?”

“I forbid you to ever see him again!”

“You _forbid_ me?”

“And just who the fuck does he think he is! That… That stupid Ushiwaka! I’ll kill him next time I see him and –“ Before Oikawa, who’d been so taken by his fury, can finish, he notices another scent.

“What is…” It was another alpha, and he was close. Oikawa growls, “Again!?”

Kageyama moves from Iwaizumi and glances up at Oikawa.

“Huh? What do you want? And stop wagging your damn tail!” The pure black wolf continues to look at him, his eyes became darker, Oikawa notices, when he shifted. He looked a bit like the night sky. “Oh, you want to come with me?”

Kageyama blinks.

Oikawa groans, and doesn’t kick him (which takes a lot of effort) as the two of them follow the scent of the other alpha. It leads them to their bedrooms, and Oikawa sees red at the thought of Ushijima sneaking into his and Iwaizumi’s beds. He enters the room, and though he’s sure the wolf is here, there is no sight of him. Everything is silent and Oikawa narrows his eyes at a lump in Iwaizumi’s bed, one that was too small to be Ushijima though he was almost sure Ushijima was a creeper that snuck into poor, helpless omega’s beds.

“Hmm.” Oikawa says loudly. “I guess there’s nobody here.”

Kageyama gives him a look that he doesn’t have to hear to understand. Oikawa wants to hiss, _of course I see someone’s here!_

The room is silent and Oikawa sneaks towards the bed and then jumps on top of it. There is a yelp, and Oikawa feels something bite him and the other alpha is sprinting out of the room. Oikawa gets tangled in the sheets and almost falls down. Kageyama is running after it.

“Fuck!” Oikawa rushes after them, and finds the intruder in Iwaizumi’s arms. Kageyama glares at it. The other alpha turns out to be a child with an even more ridiculous hair cut then Kageyama’s. He holds onto Iwaizumi tightly. Iwaizumi is shocked, but is stroking his hair.

“Give it here.” Oikawa holds out his hand. “I’m going to kill it.”

“I’ll kill you if you take another step.” Iwaizumi responds easily. But at Oikawa’s threat, the alpha starts crying. Iwaizumi gives Oikawa a long glare before he starts whispering softly to the child.

“You follo-… They didn’t know…. He won’t hurt you…. Trust me…. -ack to your mum.” Oikawa can only hear snippets but he already knows what Iwaizumi was going to do.

“We’re not taking the stray anywhere!” Oikawa yells. Iwaizumi gives him a look and then walks out the room.

“We’ll leave him in the woods and let him find his way out himself! And who cares if he gets himself killed in the process!” Oikawa calls after Iwaizumi as they walk through the forest, Kageyama, Kindaichi and Kunimi follows behind him.

“I don’t understand why _we_ have to take him home! If they cared, they’d come back for him!” Oikawa mumbles as they find themselves in front of a small village.

“I hope you know I hate you.” Oikawa says finally as Iwaizumi knocks on the door of the largest house. He knows Ushijima is behind it. He glances behind him and sees the looks of several other wolves who he assumed were Ushijima’s pack members. The ugliest-hair-cut-I've-ever-seen alpha sticks his tongue out at Oikawa and when Oikawa narrows his eyes, he hides his face in Iwaizumi’s coat. With a shock, he realizes Iwaizumi was still wearing Tendou’s coat. Before Oikawa can snap at Iwaizumi for the betrayal that will never allow Oikawa to look at Iwaizumi in the same way again, the door opens.

Tendou’s smile was made of the things nightmares were made of.

“Ooh?” He drawls and then when he spots the alpha in Iwaizumi’s arm, he gives Iwaizumi a lazy smile. “Please, come in! Which is only the polite thing to do when a stranger shows up at your home! I'm only joking. Wakatoshi-kun will be _so_ happy to see you again! ”

Iwaizumi, for some reason, walks into the home, and the three other kids walk in after him. When Oikawa moves forward, Tendou slams the door in his face.

Oikawa squawks, which really was such an unattractive sound. _I'm going to kill him, I'm going to really kill him, oh man, I want to -_

He knocks on the door and then has a desire to rip it off the handles when it opens again. Tendou smirks.

“Oops! My bad. I didn’t see you there.”

Or maybe he could just rip the stupid alpha’s red hair out of his scalp. Or maybe his eyes. Or maybe his heart. 


	14. quite an animal

Iwaizumi should be hesitant, but he always liked being with other wolves. And he loves Kageyama, Kindaichi and Kunimi, but he liked talking to adults too. And they hadn’t hurt him or his family, so he thinks maybe he can trust him. That, and the fact that the world had never led him down somewhere he’d get hurt. And maybe he hates fate, hates that he can’t control it, but at least he knows; _nothing bad is going to happen._

The alpha in his arms, Goshiki, is still holding onto him so tightly. He’d told Iwaizumi how he’d followed Ushijima and Tendou on their run and how he’d followed them into the castle but had been frightened by Oikawa so much so that he’d hid in Iwaizumi’s bed because he’d smelt nice and safe.

“Ushijima-san is really strong.” Goshiki whispers excitedly as they walk through a hallway of Ushijima's house. “He’s the best alpha I’ve ever met. I’m going to be like him too! And he’s a lot stronger than that whinykawa!”

 _I should really address him by his name in front of kids,_ Iwaizumi thinks. “I’m already strong. So that doesn’t matter to me.”

“Oh, and he’s better looking! And he can cook! And he’s funny! Well….”

“Is that right?”

“Yes, and he’s quite an animal in bed too~” Iwaizumi turns quickly at Tendou’s sing-songy voice. Iwaizumi gasps and quickly covers Goshiki’s ears.

“W-What are you saying in front of the kids!” He says hotly. Iwaizumi groans internally at the sound of his stutter, especially when this only causes Tendou’s smile to widen.

“What? Are you saying you don’t wrestle in bed?”

“Iwaizumi wrestles with Oikawa in the forest.” Kindaichi says quickly. “We’re not allowed to fight in the house!”

“Oho? An exhibitionist? Well, it's not his style, but I’m sure Wakatoshi-kun would make an exception for someone as pretty as you.” Tendou laughs. Iwaizumi regrets everything, regrets coming here, regrets not sinking his claws in deeper. And he’s not blushing, not blushing at all, and part of being with adults meant that there was a kind of joke and teasing that only adults knew about.

“Listen, I just want to drop Goshiki off and leave.” Iwaizumi says.

“Tendou? Whose that?” Iwaizumi sighs in relief, at least from what he’s seen, he could count on Ushijima to not tease him. When he finally enters the room where Ushijima was (why was this house so big), he will never admit it, but the sound that leaves his mouth is not at all because Ushijima was standing in the middle of it butt-naked. _Fuck, he’s fucking huge._ Iwaizumi squeaks, _squeaks,_ and covers his eyes. He can hear Tendou’s laugh blaring in his ears.

.

 _How big was this place!_ Oikawa thinks as he meets a dead end. _And where the hell did they go?_

_._

“If I had known we were having guests, I would have worn something more appropriate.”

“Y-Yeah.” Iwaizumi chokes out, and he wishes he could stop blushing, and there is no way he can meet Ushijima’s eyes right now. He opts for staring at the glass of tea in his hand and Oikawa’s hand that was resting on his knee, _he’s mine, he’s mine_. The four children had decided to go outside for a bit, to allow the adults to speak. Ushijima was finally wearing something, Tendou sits beside him, legs stretched, staring at Iwaizumi with an amused smile and a secret in his red eyes. And Oikawa, who’d finally been found, was sitting next to Iwaizumi.

“What you’re wearing right now seems pretty appropriate.” Oikawa replies, confused. He’d missed out on a bit. _Yeah, he’d realllyy missed out._

“I’m referring to when I was not wearing anything.” Oikawa spits out his drink.

“What?" 

“Ah, when you were lost.” Tendou explains, grinning, eyes looking so amused and so evil and Iwaizumi has already killed him 13, _14, 15,_ times in his mind. “Your precious Iwa-chan walked into a very naked Wakatoshi. And well, he looked very impressed.”

“WHAT!”

“What was it you said… _So fucking huge?”_

“I didn’t say anything like that!” Iwaizumi seethes, but he doubts Tendou can hear anything besides his own cackling. Oikawa stammers out words and even Ushijima looks slightly uncomfortable.

“You should be more polite to our guests.” Ushijima says, hiding his slight blush with a cup.

“Oh, but where is the fun in that?”

“Iwa-chan, I’m really going to kill him.” Oikawa whispers furiously.

“Please.” Iwaizumi whispers back.

“I wanted to thank you for returning Tsutomu back to us. We were both quite worried.” Ushijima interrupts. But he only looks at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi smiles a bit, Ushijima’s stare was intense.

“Yeah…” Iwaizumi brings the cup of tea to his mouth and takes a sip. “No problem. He’s really sweet.”

“He doesn’t trust easily. But I believe you reminded him of his mother.”

“Oh… “And then there is a heavy silence and Iwaizumi spends a few seconds wondering about the implications behind that sentence. “And where is his mother?”

“Dead.” It’s Tendou who replies, and the seriousness in his voice that startles both Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Tendou gives them a cold smile. “Humans are vicious.”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i really like writing about ushijima and tendou?
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


	15. youll enjoy me too

Iwaizumi liked his home, despite all it’s faults. He knows he was lucky to have a castle to stay in, but it was a bit old, and he was sure if it wasn’t for that bloody throne, Oikawa would have realized that maybe it wasn’t the greatest of places to make a home. Sitting in Ushijima’s (and Tendou’s?) well-kept garden, watching the four small wolves play fight, he really misses have a smaller home. He sighs. A modern house like this was much easier to maintain, and more reliable, and so not chaotic and not always dragging you to places and making you so, so mad and oh, Oikawa was always so childish and why couldn't he stop fighting with Kageyama?

Iwaizumi remembers to a few minutes ago, when Oikawa had challenged both Tendou and Ushijima to an arm wrestle, of all things. Iwaizumi had expected Ushijima to be the voice of reason, but he’d accepted the challenge quickly, and beat Oikawa perhaps ever quicker. And Oikawa, who never learnt his lesson, had wanted to try with the left hand. And if his first defeat didn’t utterly destroy Oikawa’s huge ego, the second defeat most definitely did when Ushijima had forced Oikawa's hand down before he could even blink. Iwaizumi had left Oikawa sulking and chosen to watch over the children instead.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” 

Iwaizumi looks up and sees Ushijima looming over him.

“No, it’s fine.” Ushijima moves and sits beside Iwaizumi. The two of them watch as Kageyama and Goshiki tumble into a bunch of flowers. Iwaizumi winces when Kageyama struggles from underneath Goshiki and ruins more of the garden in the process. Goshiki just looks so smug.

“Shit, I am so sorry.” Iwaizumi groans, he moves to stop the two small alphas, but Ushijima just chuckles. Iwaizumi turns quickly at the sound.

“It’s good to see Tsutomu enjoy himself. There are not many other kids here.” He replies and gives Iwaizumi a reassuring smile. Iwaizumi feels his heart beat faster.

“Oh.” Iwaizumi says lamely. He sits back down and tries not to notice how Ushijima was so large next to him, and so warm, and smelt so good. Perhaps it was the time he’d spent with Oikawa, or the fact there was always, _always_ some chaos in his home, but he didn’t at all feel comfortable in the silence between them even though Ushijima probably did. “Your house is nice.”

“Hm. Tendou and I are quite proud of it.”

“So you really live together?” Iwaizumi asks, he can vaguely hear Tendou’s laugh and almost laughs himself at the image of Tendou and Oikawa in a room alone together. And then an image of Tendou and Ushijima together enters his mind, and he thinks, from what he’s experienced so far, the two work well together. With Ushijima’s intimidating quietness and stoic personality and Tendou’s expressive face and his need to be loud and need to humiliate and have fun at other people’s expense and the fact that he was the fucking devil and he had the red eyes to prove it. 

“It’s a shame neither of you are omegas.” Iwaizumi says. “I think you’d be good together.”

“We are good together.”

“No, like, I mean, romantically…. Or something like that.” Iwaizumi explains. Blushes a teeny bit when an image of Ushijima and Tendou _together_ enters his mind.

“The two of us are sexually involved, and it is good, if that is what you’re referring to.” Blushes a lot more when the image becomes very vivid and very real because they really were together in that way, they really had sex despite both being alphas, _oh who tops? Ushijima doesn’t seem like the type to… But maybe he’s a softie and…. Why am I feeling so hot all of a sudden?_

“I’m assuming you were not aware alphas could have sex with each other?”

“No. I mean, there is no reason why not. I’m just a bit surprised.” Iwaizumi answers truthfully. Ushijima glances at him, and then eyes move downwards, and then looks away.

“I enjoy Tendou.” Iwaizumi would probably spit out his drink if he had any, the phrasing is too blunt. “However, I am sure I will enjoy you and am certain you’ll enjoy me too.”

Ah. _Ahh._ Iwaizumi’s eyes widen and he’s not entirely sure how to respond, and doesn’t want to speak because he’s worried he’ll accidently say something stupid like _thank you_ and _fuck, yes, I want to enjoy you._

“Seriously.” Iwaizumi jumps at Oikawa’s cold voice. He turns his head and Oikawa is glaring at the two of them, arms crossed. “That’s not even funny.”

“I’m not one to joke when there is something I want.” Ushijima says simply.

The word _something_ vaguely registers in his mind, and before he can protest to being called a thing, Oikawa sits so that Iwaizumi is between his legs. He pulls Iwaizumi towards himself, arms around him, and places his chin on Iwaizumi’s head, smirks at Ushijima. Iwaizumi is completely within Oikawa's embrace. 

“I dare you, _bitch,_ to try and take my omega from me.” Oikawa sneers. Ushijima blinks. The phrase _my omega_ doesn’t at all sound like something Iwaizumi wants to hear from anyone. He really wants to hit both of the alphas, and probably would if not slightly concerned that the alphas may start to hit each other first. He, unfortunately, cannot be the one to start the fight and instead has to be _responsible_ and defuse it instead. And he would, except Ushijima does that first.

“I am not opposed to having both of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't realize: 
> 
> a) writing three chapters in one day kinda drains you 
> 
> b) dialogue is hard to write 
> 
> c) i don't really know how to end the story now that i have slight ushijima x iwaizumi.... nah, its almost definitely going to end with iwaoi but ushiiwa is kinda sweet and iwa deserves the best :((
> 
> anyways, i hope this chapter makes up for the fact i didn't update yesterday! 
> 
> also, if possible, can i ask what you guys think of my summary... i'm thinking of changing it because its kinda boring ??


	16. vicious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the following chapter is a bit explicit so only read if you think thats alright
> 
> the next chapter, or next two chapters, should explain what happened in this one anyways so you can skip this one if you're not comfortable or just kinda skim it

“And he said…” Oikawa explains angrily, he drinks a bit more and waits for dramatic effect. Three men and four women look back at him, and he doesn’t care if they weren’t _really_ listening. Because he just wanted to talk. “Can you believe this? He said, ‘I want to fuck both of you!’”

“No!” One woman says in shock. She was so close to him. Oikawa glances her, slides his gaze down her body, smirks.

“He did. Honestly, some people are so- “ He places his hand on her knee and leans closer. She blushes slightly, she had pale freckles, and she continues to look him in the eyes. “ _Shameless.”_

.

He didn’t always enjoy having sex with humans, because he was rough and wolves like himself and Iwaizumi healed quickly, and they liked it like that. He didn’t want to fuck like he loved them. He didn’t want to hold them and stroke their hair and tell them they were so, so good when they weren’t. But Iwaizumi wanted to stay with Ushijima’s pack for a bit,he said the children liked Goshiki, and so Oikawa had left because he knows when he’s not wanted. And Iwaizumi had kissed him but still blushed like a, like a virgin teenager (which to be fair was half true) at Ushijima’s proposition. And it was so not fucking funny, when Iwaizumi had burst out in laughter at Oikawa’s expense when Ushijima had offered to fuck Oikawa too if it made Iwaizumi happy. Because for Ushijima, Oikawa was Iwaizumi’s and not the other way around and so maybe tonight, he wants someone to be just his, and he wants that someone to not be Iwaizumi. _Know that I’m with someone else tonight. Know that I don’t need you._

“You seem distracted.” The woman murmurs against his lips. His hands slowly move up her thigh and she gasps. Presses her against the wall of the pub. Places long kisses along her neck, enjoys the way she stops using words and there is another wolf and he grips her thigh a bit too hard and bites her lower lip a bit too hard and maybe the gasp is pained and there is another alpha near him and it’s so sad, and so hurt and she’s pushing him backwards.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” She screams at him, slaps him, fixes her dress, glares at him and leaves him standing in snow. But Oikawa doesn’t really care, not when there is a chance he could hurt someone. He walks through the large village (which seemed a bit more like a city) and towards the scent. He’s furious, so, so furious, because Ushijima had said _I want you_ and Iwaizumi blushed and said _I want you too._ The snow had forced most people into their homes, and he’s glad but then he realizes it doesn’t matter when he arrives at the house where the other alpha was because the house was so far from everything else. _Ah, I'm so lucky._ He inhales and exhales a few times, hears shouting and whimpers, clenches his fists and knocks on the door. _Which is only the polite thing to do._

And when no one answers, but the shouting stops, Oikawa waits patiently. He runs his fingers through his hair and kicks the door open _because I’m strong, I’m strong even though Ushijima beat me in a stupid arm wrestle and I’m fucking strong._ And he was strong so he grabs the man who was in the tiny house and throws him towards a wall. The man swears and curses but looks up at fear at the sight of Oikawa, _that’s all I want to see,_ and Oikawa lets him stand up before he attacks again. Punches the man and smirks when he hears the loud crack, digs his fingers into eyes that shouldn’t even look at Oikawa, the mans screaming so Oikawa hits him in the jaw, throws him onto the floor again, picks up the beer bottle and smashes it against the man’s head.

“Hm. Thought a big man like you would be a bigger threat.” Oikawa hums, the man chokes on blood and he looked so, so pathetic and Oikawa grants him the mercy of ending his life when he picks up a broken shard and slices the man’s throat. The man gurgles and grabs at his neck and falls at Oikawa’s feet.

Oikawa wipes the man’s blood of his face and turns to the other alpha.

The alpha is a small child with blonde hair and he has a cut lip and a bruised cheek and he looks so angry and so terrified and so broken.

_A child._

Oikawa grins at the child, who starts scrambling to get away from Oikawa. “A child huh? _Perfect._ ”

He moves forward and grabs the child, but the child fights and fights and Oikawa can’t damage Iwaizumi’s gift anymore because he’s already so damaged (though if Oikawa was honest, he thinks Iwaizumi liked fixing broken things but he doesn’t want to think about that because what would that make him?) but he really considers it when the kid does _everything_ to get out of Oikawa’s arms; hits and hits and bites and scratches. When he finally grabs Oikawa’s hair and pulls hard, Oikawa growls, because he didn’t want to stay here for too long and this kid was being stupid because what was he going to? Remain with the dead body of whatever that man was to him?

“I saved you, you dumb fuck. Stop resisting!” Oikawa finally grabs a blanket and throws the kid in it, who growls back at him. Oikawa ties the blanket so that it was like a bag and throws it over his shoulder.

And then he turns to the mess he’d made.

“Hmm.” He thinks he should be fine to just burn the house, so long as he wasn’t here in the morning. And so he grabs some matches and lights the house on fire before grabbing Iwaizumi’s present and leaving the town. 


	17. youd be happy here

Iwaizumi glances over at Ushijima, who was shirtless and demonstrating to Kindaichi and Kunimi how to hold a bow. Ushijima raises the sleek bow, focuses on his breathing, and his arms look good and Iwaizumi wonders what was sexier, the way Ushijima was so confident in everything he did, or the way he was so good and patient with children.

Iwaizumi wishes that Oikawa could be as kind to the children the way Ushijima was, and then scolds himself because he shouldn’t be comparing the two. He shouldn’t be thinking of Oikawa who treated him like an object, shouldn't be thinking about how he let himself be treated that way because sometimes he couldn’t say no to the alpha if it only concerned himself. He would never let Oikawa treat the kids that way, but he knows if Oikawa told him to jump, he’d frown and resist half-heartedly but ultimately would wonder how high he’d have to go to please him.

Oikawa had said he wanted a home, so Iwaizumi gave him a home. And Oikawa had said he wanted a pack, so Iwaizumi found him a pack. And if Oikawa said he wanted Iwaizumi, without a doubt, Iwaizumi would give all of himself, and more, to the alpha. Iwaizumi won’t say no, won’t say what he wants, because up until now, he hasn’t really wanted anything.

Watching Ushijima now with the children makes Iwaizumi ache because he realizes how he wanted that, how he wanted it so bad, and perhaps more than that, he wanted it to be with Oikawa.

“He’s quite strong, huh?” Iwaizumi asks Goshiki, who was sitting on Iwaizumi’s lap. Iwaizumi had been absent-mindedly braiding and unbraiding Goshiki’s hair. Goshiki jumps at the opportunity to brag about his pack alpha and his admiration for Ushijima is only interrupted by the frequent ‘But I’m going to be better than him’, ‘I’m going to challenge him’, and ‘I want to be the best’, and Iwaizumi smiles fondly at the small alpha and tells him that of course, he’ll be the best, but only if he works hard. His eyes seem to light up at that. And Kageyama, who was beside them, huffs a bit. _You learnt that from Tooru, didn’t you?_ He gruffly replies, saying that it doesn’t matter if Goshiki was stronger than Ushijima, because Oikawa was the strongest and the fastest and the most talented and the best and that when Kageyama beat Oikawa, it would mean that Kageyama would be greater than any of the alphas here. Iwaizumi wonders what Oikawa would do if he was here and heard the praises, as well as the promise to surpass him, from Kageyama.

.

Oikawa yelps as Kyoutani sprints away from him. _Dammit._ _Iwaizumi better fucking kiss me when I get back._

.

Iwaizumi watches the night sky as he waits for Oikawa. He was still with Ushijima’s pack, because he enjoyed it, and he knows the children enjoyed it too, but even so, he wants to go back home. Wants to punch Oikawa’s shoulder and ask him why the hell he left without saying goodbye to who knows where and then maybe ask him if would be willing to spend some more time with Kageyama, because Kageyama so desperately wanted that.

“Here.” Ushijima hands him a mug of warm tea. Iwaizumi smiles gratefully.

“Sit with me?” Iwaizumi asks when Ushijima starts to move away. Ushijima nods, and sits beside Iwaizumi. The two sit, and it would be silence, if not for the shouts and laughter from inside the house. He hears Tendou’s blaring laugh, but also Kindaichi’s and even Kunimi’s soft giggles.

Iwaizumi had been shocked to find out that, in his own very, very unique way, Tendou was also good with children. And it seems that alpha’s not liking children only applied to the one Iwaizumi was stuck with.

“You’re not happy with Oikawa.” Ushijima comments suddenly. Iwaizumi, who’d maybe not fully disliked the silence between them, raises his eyebrows.

“I’m not?” Iwaizumi asks, almost incredulous because what did Ushijima know? 

“Of course not. He’s rude and childish and not fit to be an alpha.” Ushijima continues. And Iwaizumi, who already knew all that, can’t help but hate the way it sounds from someone who was a stranger to his family.

“And weak.”

“He is not weak.” Iwaizumi snaps. He’s livid as he turns to face Ushijima, who just has a blank look on his face despite how awful his words were. Oikawa was not weak, and yes, _he was a total idiot_ , but he wasn’t weak.

“I don’t mean to offend you. I’m only saying the truth.”

“I guess your truth isn’t my truth then.” Iwaizumi isn’t at all sure why he was so defensive, but Ushijima’s stoic and steady tone as he disrespected Oikawa in front of Iwaizumi had Iwaizumi reconsidering how sexy confidence could be, when it so easily turned into ego.

“Should I demonstrate my strength to you?” Ushijima asks quietly, eyes don’t meet his, but instead lower to Iwaizumi’s lips. And Iwaizumi thinks it’s unfair how Ushijima could control situations the way he did. And Iwaizumi detests the omega in him, because suddenly he feels weak when knows he should be angry, detests the omega in him when he silences instead of arguing, and Ushijima cups his face in his strong hand and brushes their lips together. “Should I show you why you should come to Shiratorizawa?”

“Why would I?” Iwaizumi melts a bit when Ushijima pulls Iwaizumi onto his lap, a soft gasp escapes when he feels Ushijima underneath him. Ushijima doesn’t smirk like he’d won, but instead stares up at Iwaizumi more intensely, because he didn’t have to fight for a victory when it was already written in the stars for him.

“You’d be happy here. You’d _all_ be happy here.”

And then Ushijima kisses him properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help, can someone remind me why i loved iwaoi so much (why did i write oikawa in a way that makes me dislike him ! ) 
> 
> :(


	18. even hell was not enough

Iwaizumi grabs Ushijima’s blanket and cries out when Ushijima moves. He buries his face in a pillow and bites down hard because he was embarrassed. Ushijima places a gentle kiss on the back of Iwaizumi’s neck. 

“Tell me what you want.” He asks. Iwaizumi trembles.

“I-I don’t know.” Iwaizumi begin to cry, whimpers into the pillow, because _feels good, feels so good._ “I don’t know what I want.”

.

“You need to stop running away.” Oikawa sighs, he pats the head of the blonde alpha, who snarls up at him. He’d ran away several times, and never got far before Oikawa would catch him. But he doesn’t stop fighting, doesn’t stop making it so difficult. They’d made it home, and Oikawa waits for Iwaizumi to come back. The alpha, who hadn’t spoken at all, begins to cry bitter tears when Oikawa washes his hair. Oikawa freezes, because maybe he’d been a bit too loud, and maybe he shouldn’t have thrown the kid in a make-shift bag, but he was really, _really_ trying to show him that he wouldn’t hurt him the way the other man had hurt him. The blonde refuses to meet his eyes as he wipes the tears away furiously. Oikawa tries to soften, but doesn’t know how.

“I’m… “ Oikawa begins, he entertains the, pretty plausible, idea that the kid didn’t know _how_ to speak.

The kid continues to cry and Oikawa glances at the scars on his tiny body. There are old burns, and fresh bruises. But there are also bite marks, and scratches almost definitely made from another wolf, and his heart sinks in horror, because he’d heard about wolves fighting for the entertainment of humans, but he can’t understand who would want to see a child fight, can’t understand who would agree to _fight_ a child. And maybe that was why the child doesn’t relax with Oikawa.

Oikawa promises in a low voice, “I’m not going to let _anyone_ hurt you.”

“Fuck you.” The alpha growls. “ _I’m_ not goin’ to let anyone hurt me.”

_Reminds me of you, Hajime._

Oikawa stops cleaning him and stares at the child, who stares back.

“But you didn’t stop that man, did you?” Oikawa asks softly, doesn’t feel good at all when the blonde winces and bites his lip to stop it from trembling. He continues, because despite being a 'whiny, selfish brat', he didn’t _hate_ children, and he wouldn't ever hurt them. “ _I did_. I stopped him and I did it for you. I did it because he was evil, and I would do it to anyone who was evil to you.”

“You…” The blonde alpha starts, he wipes his eyes again. “ _You’re evil_.”

Oikawa gives him a small smile, because he _was_ evil, and he killed and tortured and worst of all, he enjoyed it, and no one but this alpha had seen that side of him and survived and even Iwaizumi couldn’t know because Iwaizumi closed his eyes and dreamt of tomorrows with his new family and Oikawa closed his eyes and indulged in fantasies of tearing that monster apart and watching earth be soaked in the red of his blood. 

“Not to you.” Oikawa says. He gets up. Oikawa runs his fingers through his hair and wonders when Iwaizumi was coming home. “Listen, my omega isn’t here right now, but even if you don’t like me, you’ll be safe with him. So just, just stop running away.”

The alpha blinks. Oikawa sighs, again.

“You can stay in his bed until he comes home.” Oikawa offers. “It smells nice.”

.

Anger made him restless, and even when he sleeps, he thinks of pain, thinks that he hadn’t caused enough of it before he’d killed that man, dreams of seeking the monster, dreams of breaking him and ruining him and tormenting him but not letting him die, because even hell was not enough of a bad place. And there were people that deserved so, so much worse. And hell was already so small of a word, a wild and abstract concept he couldn’t really grasp, and it doesn’t mean anything to think of how evil would be punished, because he can’t see it, because it isn’t him doing the punishing, and the devil was too far away, but Oikawa was right here. He won't wait for the world, or for fate, not when he could grab revenge with his own hands. 

He falls in and out of sleep and then notices that the blonde alpha, who had actually seemed happy to be in Iwaizumi’s bed, was no longer there.

“Ugh!” Oikawa sits up and looks around the room. He wasn’t here. But he was close. The sun offers little help as Oikawa looks around the forest near his castle. _Damn that dummy_ , Oikawa thinks, _I was going to protect you_. And he thinks of Iwaizumi, who he had wanted to surprise, and how he now had nothing whereas Ushijima offered Iwaizumi everything. Hates himself. He walks back to his home in a bitter disappointment.

“I think you lost something.”

Oikawa, who’d been so deep in his jealousy and his desperateness to keep what was his close to him, hadn’t noticed that Iwaizumi, and the other kids, had returned. Iwaizumi sits on the throne beside Oikawa’s and gives him a smile. _Ah._ Oikawa missed him. _I missed him so much._ He swallows when he feels like crying. _Could you tell me everything is going to be okay? Could you tell me that you still love me? That I’m still enough?_

Oikawa wipes his eyes quickly and sees the shifted, blonde alpha, who still had such a nasty glare, but was at least not fighting Iwaizumi who was holding him. Oikawa feels like laughing, _he smells like Ushijima,_ and it stings, and it hurts, and it hurts so badly and more than anything.

“Yeah.” Oikawa manages to say. He feels his lower lip tremble slightly, and Iwaizumi begins to frown. Oikawa whispers, because if he spoke any louder, he might break. “I brought him for you.”

 _Does it hurt like this?_ Oikawa wants to ask. _When you think of me with someone else?_


	19. because the sun rises

“Why do you love Oikawa?” Ushijima asks Iwaizumi, who was about to leave Ushijima’s pack. Iwaizumi is not sure how to explain it to Ushijima, not sure how to say _I love him because I have always loved him,_ doubts Ushijima could understand. _I love him because the world wills it,_ because the world did will it and the world loved them too. The world had lead them to each other and had done everything to make them stay that way. The world had told Iwaizumi to not just survive, but to survive with Oikawa. The world had created a home for them, and lead them to a family. It wasn’t Iwaizumi’s luck, or Oikawa’s luck; it was _their_ luck. Iwaizumi doesn’t know how to explain to Ushijima; there were few absolute truths in the world, and one of those was that Iwaizumi loved Oikawa and Oikawa loved Iwaizumi. 

_I love him because the sun rises, because the stars shine, and because I know nothing else._

.

Oikawa should have known he would regret this.

Because Kyoutani is more clingy than _Kageyama._ Kageyama liked to be with Iwaizumi, as they all did, and he only needed to be able to see Iwaizumi to feel safe. But Kyoutani, on top of always, _always_ needing to be held in Iwaizumi’s arms, or sitting on his shoulders, or clinging to his leg, won’t even let the others near Iwaizumi. And Oikawa, who had been sympathetic to Kyoutani, was starting to feel a teeny annoyed when, almost two weeks after the new addition to their family, he was still not letting Kunimi, Kindaichi and Kageyama to sleep next to Iwaizumi the way they had always done. Instead, the three had asked if they could sleep next to Oikawa.

Oikawa did like that they weren’t so scared of him, but he liked his bed and needed sleep, and he didn’t like it when he woke up and Kunimi was on top of him, and Kindaichi’s foot was basically in his mouth. He had initially refused Kageyama, but Iwaizumi had given him a such a scary look and so now even Kageyama was sleeping next to Oikawa.

At the very least, Kyoutani had kept Iwaizumi busy, and so he hadn’t been able to visit Ushijima. Oikawa tried his best not to think about Ushijima, tried not to think about how Oikawa had said _try and take him from me_ and Ushijima had done exactly that and had been able to do so because Oikawa had left. Tried not to think about how Ushijima had seen a side of Iwaizumi Oikawa had not been able to see before, and Oikawa thought he’d be angry, but Iwaizumi had smiled at him, Iwaizumi had been happy and so how could he be the one to ruin that? That had been then, and now the two of them don’t talk about it.

And Oikawa is more than happy to pretend Ushijima doesn’t exist, except one day, he shows up in Oikawa’s home with Goshiki.

Oikawa can only watch as Ushijima takes Iwaizumi in his arms and kisses him. And even Kyoutani, who’d growled at Oikawa everytime he came near Iwaizumi, silences and does nothing but stare up at Ushijima. 

“Hello.” Ushijima says to Oikawa, and Oikawa, even when Ushijima had beaten him in arm wrestles, and won every time Oikawa challenged him, had never felt like he lost until now. He grits his teeth, wants to maybe fight, wants to maybe tell him to kindly fuck off and die. Instead, he forces a smile and says hello before explaining how he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to rest and how sorry he was that he wouldn’t be able to be as good a host as Ushijima and Tendou had been when they had visited their pack.

Iwaizumi watches as Oikawa leaves the room.

.

Oikawa sleeps, thinks _tomorrow we’ll forget all about today._

_._

“Hey.” Oikawa shifts, eyes still closed, feels someone playing with his hair. He slowly gets up and notices Iwaizumi (who was finally alone) standing beside Oikawa’s bed. It was night now, and Oikawa notices that the four kids were sleeping next to each other on Iwaizumi’s bed.

“Hey.” Oikawa replies groggily.

“I brought you some apples.” Iwaizumi says, he holds a bowl of apple slices with their skin off because Oikawa liked his apples like that. Oikawa smirks.

“Feed them to me?” Oikawa flutters his eyelashes prettily and looks up at Iwaizumi. 

“I’ll feed you, alright.” Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows. “I’ll feed you a _rat_.”

Oikawa laughs tiredly and gives a grateful smile to Iwaizumi, who sighs and returns it. After a bit of shuffling, the two sit next to each other on Oikawa's bed. Oikawa leans against Iwaizumi. 

“Open up.” Iwaizumi says quietly, he pokes Oikawa’s lips with an apple slice. Oikawa opens his mouth and takes it. Iwaizumi groans when Oikawa’s tongue touches his fingers. He wipes them on Oikawa’s shirt, who just laughs when Iwaizumi mumbles _gross_ under his breath. 

“What happened to feeding me a rat?” Oikawa teases as Iwaizumi holds out another slice for him. Oikawa moves forward to bite it, but Iwaizumi moves his hand back so that Oikawa bites the air. Iwaizumi chuckles and takes the apple for himself.

“Just wait until I find one.” He replies. Oikawa shivers dramatically.

“You’re kind of scary, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m the scariest.”

Oikawa takes a slice and holds it up for Iwaizumi. “For you, darling.”

Iwaizumi narrows his eyes at Oikawa at the nickname, and as payback, Oikawa moves his hand back when Iwaizumi moves forward to eat it. Sends him a glare before grabbing Oikawa’s hand roughly and holding it still. Oikawa watches as Iwaizumi slowly takes the apple slice into his mouth and he shouldn’t be thinking this but fuck, since when could eating an apple be so _sexual?_ His heart starts to beat a bit faster. 

“You know.” Iwaizumi says suddenly after a few minutes of silence. Oikawa, who had been staring at the stars with Iwaizumi through the small hole in their roof, looks at Iwaizumi and wonders briefly when did the stars return to _his_ eyes? Iwaizumi looks down to the empty bowl in his lap, blushes slightly. “The sun is going to rise tomorrow.”

Oikawa furrows his eyebrows. “Why are you blushing about the sun rising?” _What’s this, another rival?_

“No, I’m…” Iwaizumi pauses and closes his eyes tightly. “I’m saying that I love you, you idiot.”

 _Oh._ Oikawa swallows. Because Iwaizumi spoke with his actions, and hardly ever said those words to Oikawa. “What… Why the fuck are you talking about the sun then?”

“Ugh!” Iwaizumi gets off the bed, he won’t look at Oikawa. “Forget that I said anything. I’m going to sleep.”

He begins to move, but Oikawa hugs him from behind and places his forehead on Iwaizumi’s shoulders. Iwaizumi tenses quickly.

Oikawa murmurs into Iwaizumi’s shirt. “I love you too.”

And he’s not sure if Iwaizumi’s _I love you_ means _I’m in love with you,_ or if it means _you’re precious to me,_ or perhaps _please, stay with me._ And maybe _I’m in love with you_ was just something Iwaizumi wanted to say to Ushijima. But the sun was going to rise tomorrow, and Iwaizumi was going to be with him, and that was alright for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me reminding myself why i love iwaoi


	20. fishes

Kyoutani watches as fish swim between his legs. He stands in the shallow part of the river and has never seen fish so small and colourful. He finds it calming to follow their carefree movements with his eyes. 

“O-Oikawa-san!” Kyoutani growls under his breath in annoyance, stops staring at the fishes and instead looks up at the two other alphas in the family Iwaizumi had told him he could be apart of if he wanted. Kyoutani had ran away a few times, and each time Iwaizumi had chased after him. And Kyoutani would each time be returned to the castle. And he’d run away again. And Iwaizumi would find him again. Finally, Iwaizumi said that if he really wanted to leave, he was more than welcome, but could he at least heal first? That had been a few months ago, and though Kyoutani was healed, and he knew enough to survive, he didn’t run away anymore, didn’t want to.

Kageyama has his pants rolled up to his knees and he is holding a spear too large for him. Kageyama looks up at Oikawa, who snarls down at him.

“What is it?”

“I… I’m going to get more fish than you!” Kageyama yells loudly, bowing down. Oikawa’s jaw drops and Kyoutani hears Kindaichi and Kunimi start giggling. The two betas were sitting on the grass beside the river the alphas were in.

“Oho? Look at you, Tobio-chan, you think you’re all grown up now because Iwa let you fish with us?”

The two of them glare at each other, unblinking, neither of them willing to be the first one to look away. It goes on for a bit too long. 

“Oi!” Kyoutani, and the other two alphas, turn to Iwaizumi, who is looking down at his feet. He gestures for them to move over to him and shouts excitedly, “Look what I found!”

Kageyama and Oikawa race towards Iwaizumi (a race which Oikawa wins and he looks so smug even though Kageyama barely reaches Oikawa’s hip in height).

“What did you find?” Oikawa asks, he looks down where Iwaizumi was looking. Kyoutani watches from a distance as Iwaizumi hits the water and splashes both Kageyama and Oikawa. The two of them are shocked, their mouths taking the shape of an ‘O’ at the same time. Kyoutani almost smiles. Iwaizumi starts laughing and moves to run away as quick as he can.

“You…” Oikawa starts running after him. They play around for a few minutes, Oikawa ends up throwing both Kindaichi and Kunimi into the water and Kageyama is shrieking when Iwaizumi does the same to him again. Finally, once the children have been all defeated and are now swimming in the river, Oikawa and Iwaizumi stare at each other, a few metres apart, and Oikawa moves first. Iwaizumi is quick and evades Oikawa until it hits him that _he was_ _running away from Oikawa_ and so he puts Oikawa in a chokehold and Oikawa struggles a bit. That makes Kyoutani laugh, because he looks a bit like a fish. And then Oikawa pushes back against Iwaizumi and the two of them fall into the water. 

Iwaizumi yells out in shock before his head goes under the water. When he breaks through the surface again, Oikawa is laughing loudly. Iwaizumi laughs as well and pulls a plant out of Oikawa’s hair. The two of them hold onto each other and Oikawa is staring down at Iwaizumi fondly. But Iwaizumi searches around him until he finds Kyoutani. He gives Kyoutani a small smile and then gestures for Kyoutani to join them. Oikawa turns and does the same.

“Come here, mad dog-chan!” He screams out across the river. Kyoutani frowns and looks away from the two of them. Kyoutani feels Iwaizumi’s gaze and then they look at each other again. The sunlight makes Iwaizumi’s eyes so green and bright and the sight of him makes Kyoutani feels safe, makes him feel like nobody was going to hurt him anymore. And so, very, very reluctantly, he makes his way to them. Iwaizumi, whilst still holding onto Oikawa, pulls Kyoutani into his embrace as well. Kyoutani couldn’t care less about his clothes, isn’t even worried that Oikawa was hugging him as well or that the other three children were watching him. Kyoutani closes his eyes, leans more into Iwaizumi, and enjoys the cool water.

Feels Iwaizumi place a kiss on cheek. Oikawa ruffles his hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some fun family time because things have been a bit angsty
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


	21. challenge

Oikawa probably shouldn’t have drunk so much. Probably should turn around and go back home. Probably should swallow his fury and wait for the morning. But it’s the fear that he’d wake up and his home would still be empty that has him heading for Shiratorizawa in the middle of the night. Because he’d woken up in the morning, and _Iwaizumi hadn’t been there_. The children hadn’t been there. And there was only one place they could be. He’d spent most of the day doing other things, distracting himself, but ended up drinking himself further and further into a cold rage that wanted him to _ruin_ Ushijima. Again, another alpha was taking Oikawa’s family away. Again, another Alpha was destroying Oikawa’s home.

 _I’ll show you who is the best,_ Oikawa thinks as he nears Shiratorizawa, _I’ll beat you, I’ll ruin you._

And then Oikawa howls. A challenge. The night is so cold, and so quiet. Oikawa waits a while. Wonders if he’ll even come out, wonders if he’d even fight someone he thought to be so beneath him. _And he probably had Hajime under him, he had my Hajime under him._ But he does show up, and he is deadly calm as his eyes meet Oikawa’s brown ones. He blinks. A few other people leave their house at the sound of a challenge and watch their pack alpha.

“What are you doing, Oikawa?” Ushijima asks him. The wolf just growls in response. He was serious, he was so fucking serious. “Why would you challenge me? Only one person can survive.”

Oikawa snarls. _Only one person can survive,_ he says that like he’s certain to win. Oikawa sees red, wants to kill him, wants to tear him apart, and the alpha that killed his parents had nothing to lose, but Ushijima had a pack he cared for, he had people he wanted to keep safe, he had an ego and a reputation on the line here, Oikawa wants to rip the title of alpha from Ushijima in front of his pack. _Oh, I’m going to kill him, I’m going to make him beg for mercy._

And maybe if he wasn’t drunk, he’d realize this was a shit idea. Ushijima sighs, glances at the house beside him, _the house Iwaizumi was probably in, he’s thinking about my omega right in front of me, he doesn’t think I’m anything._ He moves towards Oikawa, accepts the challenge, but doesn’t shift. Doesn’t feel the need to.

_You’ll regret that._

Oikawa lunges at Ushijima, but he moves quicker, catches Oikawa slightly, and uses Oikawa’s momentum to throw him roughly onto the snow.

“You should stop this. Hajime wouldn’t like it if I hurt you.” Ushijima says. _Hajime?_ Something in Oikawa snaps, _you call him Hajime?_ He lunges again, and this time sinks his claws into Ushijima’s shoulder. When they hit the ground, Oikawa sinks them deeper and Ushijima winces. He gives Ushijima a wolfish smile before aiming to rip out his throat. And then it stops being about Iwaizumi, and more about Oikawa wanting to be the best. Oikawa wants to show everyone he was the strongest. Ushijima manages to grab Oikawa’s jaws before they descend, instead his teeth sink into Ushijima’s palm, and the taste of the other alpha’s blood makes him a bit more delirious. He’s kicked off Ushijima and lands onto cold snow again, head spins, Ushijima’s warm blood on Oikawa’s teeth, the world under him spins too. When Oikawa finally gets back up, _I shouldn’t of gotten so drunk,_ Ushijima still hasn’t shifted, but at least now someone’s given him a spear. _A spear,_ Oikawa thinks, _like when Iwa-chan and I go fishing._ And if Oikawa could speak, he would probably yell that he wasn’t a pretty fish to be killed by a spear, he was a shark, _I’m a fucking shark,_ and then he gets side-tracked because now he’s thinking about how Iwaizumi was spiky like a sea urchin, and Ushijima was, he was, he could be a sea cucumber, _do sharks eat sea cucumbers? Doesn’t matter,_ Oikawa thinks as he prepares to bite Ushijima again, this time he’ll kill him, _doesn’t matter because I’m just going to eat him now anyways. Gonna kill him._

Oikawa makes the mistake of jumping high, of jumping in a straight path, and giving Ushijima plenty of time to raise the spear and pierce Oikawa’s body with it.

Oikawa shrieks and Ushijima throws him onto the floor again. He lands on his back and shifts back to human when the spear moves inside his body. Starts screaming when he finds it sticking out of him. He chokes a bit and realizes it was _his_ blood he was tasting.

“Oh my god.” Oikawa screams and screams. “I’m going to die!”

“Oikawa? What… What the fuck!” Oikawa’s vision becomes blurry, but he tries to keep his eyes open. Iwaizumi falls by his side, and his face is so pale, Oikawa still manages to notice the hickeys on his neck.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa moans weakly, he coughs loudly. Iwaizumi cradles Oikawa in his arms. _So warm, smell so good._ The two of them look at the spear in Oikawa's body. “Oh god, Hajime, I’m a fucking kebab. Oh my god, I’m not dying like this."

Iwaizumi laughs a bit, and Oikawa smiles at the sound, and then Iwaizumi begins to cry a bit too. Lets out a small sob and wipes his tears. “As if I'd let you die, dumbass.”

And then Ushijima, who’d been standing over the pair, grabs the spear and removes it quickly.

“Motherfucking bitch!” Oikawa cries out, he gasps as he sees there was now a hole in his body. He feels like throwing up. 

“You won’t die from that.” Ushijima replies calmly. “But you should probably visit a doctor.”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drunk oikawa's mood changes pretty quick
> 
> i don't know what i'm doing in this fic anymore ;( 
> 
> hopefully everything will turn out good in the end ahaha


	22. have to stay with me

Oikawa is silent, eyes closed, and he looks so pale, which only makes the blood on his lips more vivid. Iwaizumi gently moves Oikawa’s hair away from his closed eyes.

“Hey.” Iwaizumi whispers. Oikawa doesn’t reply. “Hey, _you have to stay with me._ ”

He shakes Oikawa a bit, but he doesn’t wake up. Iwaizumi is thrown back into the last memory of his father. Iwaizumi begins to tremble, _don’t look back,_ but he’d looked back anyways, and he’d seen his father be ripped in half, seen more blood than he thought someone could have, seen so, so much blood, and then his father had said nothing, eyes stared at nothing. Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa closer to him, breathes in the scent of his hair, he can hear a heartbeat, can hear Oikawa’s slow breathing, and Ushijima had said he wouldn’t die, and rationally, he knew Oikawa wouldn’t die from a wound like that, but it doesn’t stop how he feels seeing Oikawa like this. It hurts, it hurts, Iwaizumi gasps, _stay with me, you have to stay with me._

“Let me take him.” He looks up quickly, Ushijima and Tendou stand there. Tendou raises an eyebrow at the omega when Iwaizumi’s tears quickly turn from a quiet misery to a burning anger.

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Iwaizumi shouts furiously at Ushijima. He sees claw marks on Ushijima’s shoulder, sees the blood, but it didn’t matter because Ushijima was standing and Oikawa wasn’t moving, it didn’t matter because he’d came just in time to see Ushijima stab Oikawa. Growls, _promises,_ “I’ll kill you if you don’t move the fuck away from him.”

“I need to take him to a doctor.” Ushijima replies. And Iwaizumi wants to tell him that he _needs_ to fuck off, but then another omega, Semi, who Iwaizumi had seen a few times, places his hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. And then-

“ _Iwaizumi-san?_ ” Kageyama’s small voice causes Iwaizumi to still. He sees Kageyama, blue eyes wide with fear, and then they become shiny with tears. So Iwaizumi swallows all the threats and curses and lets them take Oikawa from him. In his empty arms, he takes Kageyama instead. 

.

Iwaizumi plays with Kyoutani’s hair as the small pack wait for Oikawa to wake up. The five of them are quiet, and apparently hearing Oikawa scream and scream that he was dying had scared all of them, the pack’s other alphas, Kageyama and Kyoutani, especially. Iwaizumi had tried to assure them that Oikawa was actually a drama queen, and that at least 70% of the reason he had passed out was because he was drunk, but the mood didn’t rise at all. The absence of Oikawa’s loudness was hurting all of them. Iwaizumi frowns, his head hurts a bit, he can’t sit still knowing Ushijima is in the same house, can’t sit still knowing Ushijima was moving perfectly fine after he’d tried to kill Iwaizumi’s best friend, and pack alpha, but he does because Kyoutani had gripped his shirt so tightly when Iwaizumi had tried to leave. He didn’t want to take any of the children to be in the same room with Ushijima, not now and probably not ever. _He tried to kill him._

“What if he never wakes up?” Kindaichi asks quietly. Iwaizumi sees how this causes Kageyama to flinch. Iwaizumi sighs.

“There are only two people that can kill Oikawa,” Iwaizumi says. “Oikawa, because he’s an idiot. And me, because he’s an idiot. Trust me, he’s going to wake up.”

“You’re so mean to me.”

Iwaizumi jumps up when he hears Oikawa’s weak voice. Brown eyes sparkle, and Iwaizumi smiles in relief. Oikawa groans as he sits up, and then shrieks a bit when Kageyama throws himself at the pack alpha and hugs him tightly.

“Oh my god Tobio-chan, I always knew you wanted to kill me.” Oikawa moans in pain as he presses a hand against his wound. Kageyama moves back quickly, begins stuttering and denying everything.

“Let him hug you, dumbass,” Iwaizumi says gruffly like he was annoyed, but at least Oikawa was the same as always. In a softer voice, “We were all so worried about you.”

Oikawa, with one arm, brings Kageyama close to him and lets him cry into his shirt. Oikawa looks a bit uncomfortable, but pats Kageyama’s head to calm him down anyway.

“Iwa-chan is right,” Oikawa says softly to him. “He, and myself, are the only ones that can kill me.”

And then Oikawa gives Iwaizumi a look like he doesn’t know who Iwaizumi was. Iwaizumi feels his mouth go dry, tenses, and can’t remember if Oikawa had ever looked at him like that; like Iwaizumi had let him down, like Iwaizumi had not only hurt him, but broken something inside of him.

And then Oikawa looks away.

.


	23. beautiful

Kyoutani had heard the word _beautiful_ many times.

He’d been called beautiful before, but the word had left the lips of a monster and had made him feel so sick and so dirty. The man had cheered, he’d said _my beautiful money-maker, I’m never letting you go_ and _kill the bitch._ He’d wanted to die when he saw the broken body of another wolf across from him, _I did that,_ and when they said _kill it,_ Kyoutani couldn’t. And so he’d had his own body broken, and put together, and broken over and over again. And then a strange man, another alpha, had forced himself into the house, torn apart the monster in front of his face, and he’d smiled like it was _beautiful_ for him, beautiful to hurt. And then the other man looked at him and said, _you’re beautiful,_ and _you’re perfect_ and finally, _he’d love you._ Kyoutani had fought, and fought, because he didn’t want to go, didn’t want to be beautiful for another monster, and he’d cried and cried, and he’d been so terrified, when the alpha had dragged him away without any explanation.

Now. Kyoutani looks at the small bird he’d gently lifted into his hands. The bird is so still , and so silent. The wing broken. Something inside Kyoutani hurts when he sees the way the bird was breathing so quickly. Kyoutani raises a finger and pets the small bird, so softly and so faintly. He whispers to the bird that everything was fine and heads back to his home.

Kyoutani had screamed and ran away, but the alpha had chased him. Wouldn’t let him go. _Why can’t you understand,_ the alpha had snapped, _I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not evil to you._

“What did you _do?”_ Oikawa asks, his voice disgusted, when Kyoutani walks into the main room. The broken bird feels so warm, a bit heavy. Iwaizumi hits Oikawa and moves to Kyoutani.

“I found it.” Kyoutani explains quietly to Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi frowns as he examines the bird. “Can we… _Can we save it?”_

He hears Oikawa saying that if the bird is broken, it would be better to put it out of his misery, but Iwaizumi gives Kyoutani a long look and then nods.

“Of course we can,” He says softly. When he holds his hands out, Kyoutani moves the bird into them slowly. Trusts him, believes him. Because Kyoutani knows Iwaizumi would fix the bird, would save it, would love and mend it until the bird could sing again. Kyoutani knows Iwaizumi was gentle, and soft, and, more than all that, _beautiful._

Iwaizumi had found Kyoutani on the first night sprinting away from Oikawa. He’d been standing in front of Kyoutani, who’d growled, because _no one_ was taking him again. Kyoutani had noticed the small children behind him, but he’d fight and fight and more importantly, he’d win. But Iwaizumi had just kneeled in front of him, opened his arms, said _come here, no one should be alone._ And it had been Iwaizumi that had asked him for his name, had bandaged him, had held him the way a mother would and promised him, _yes, I'll be here when you wake up_ and _you don't think I can protect you against some dumbass monster?_ Iwaizumi, who had taught him how to read, taught him what a family was. Iwaizumi that had painted small blue flowers over his scars and said _nobody is perfect, but everyone is worthy of love anyway._

And Kyoutani had wanted to say it then, wants to say it now, _but what about you?_ Wants to say when he finds the bird singing on Iwaizumi’s finger, when the bird, whose wing had finally healed, flies onto Kyoutani’s head and rests there and Iwaizumi chuckles because Kyoutani is so cute and looks so lost, _how can nobody be perfect?_

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short(er than usual) chapter but hopefully its okay anyways


	24. tutti

Kyoutani watches Iwaizumi as he waits for Oikawa. Again. Iwaizumi lifts his hand up, and Tutti, who’d been chirping quietly, bites Iwaizumi lightly on the nose. Kyoutani wants to laugh when Iwaizumi narrows his eyes at the bird.

“Tutti is too cute of a name for you,” Iwaizumi mumbles to it. “Should’ve named you dumbass, or fluffy motherfucker.”

Kyoutani ends up snorting and quickly puts his hand over his mouth, because he was supposed to be asleep. Actually, _Iwaizumi_ was also supposed to be sleeping. But he doubts that was a good enough reason for Kyoutani to be awake. 

“Ken?” Iwaizumi calls out, “What the heck are you doing awake?”

Kindaichi, who was beside Kyoutani despite him never inviting the beta along, stiffens and replies quickly, “We’re not awake, t-this is a dream!”

“Is that right? Well, can Tutti turn into a chicken, because I’m kind of hungry?” Iwaizumi says, he moves to where Kindaichi and Kyoutani had been hiding. Kyoutani groans, because _why did Kindaichi have to tag along?_ Tutti flies down to Kyoutani’s head. He’s not sure how Iwaizumi had, in the span of a week or so, made the frightened bird become so comfortable with them all. The bird stayed with them, even when it could fly away. But he thinks even birds can recognize beautiful people.

“You can’t eat Tutti!” Kindaichi proclaims as Iwaizumi lifts him up into his arms. The three, _four,_ of them head to the bedroom where Kageyama and Kunimi were sleeping in. “He’s part of our pack!”

Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows as he tucks Kindaichi into his bed. The other three children mostly slept in their own beds, but Kyoutani still liked being next to Iwaizumi. So he waits.

“Okay, you’re right, I can’t eat a pack member.” Iwaizumi places a kiss on Kindaichi’s forehead. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

“Sleep tight,” Iwaizumi says softly, taps his nose, “And don’t let Tutti bite.”

Iwaizumi leaves the room with Kyoutani, who follows behind the other. “Are you going to wait for Oikawa?”

Iwaizumi seems to become smaller when he hears the name. His eyes becoming a bit more lost, his smile becoming sadder, his walk a bit less confident, and Kyoutani hates it. Hates Oikawa. Clenches his teeth because if he spoke he’d probably ask why Iwaizumi would stay with him, why they don’t just go back to Shiratorizawa, where at least Iwaizumi smiled.

“He’s probably not coming back tonight.” Iwaizumi says quietly, he lets out a small sigh and raises his hand to cover his eyes. “Probably not tomorrow either.”

“But it doesn’t matter.” Iwaizumi says after a few moments of silence. “He’ll get over it eventually.”

.

Kyoutani tells Iwaizumi in the morning that birds were happier when they weren’t in cages, Iwaizumi tells him he’s too smart for his age, tells him to stop speaking in metaphors, and that he wasn’t in a cage, that he could leave, that he was happy. But Kyoutani can’t believe that, not when Oikawa finally does return from wherever he’d gone, and he is sporting bruises and has a wolf’s bite mark on his arm. Kyoutani, in horror, recognizes the bruises, realizes that Oikawa was _fighting_ other wolves. The way Kyoutani had been forced to. And it makes him sick, because he’d been _rescued_ from that, so why Oikawa willing doing it? 

Iwaizumi doesn’t ask questions, doesn't say anything, but he sees other marks, ones from a different intention than murder, and he just patches Oikawa back up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was surprisingly hard to find a good name for the bird 
> 
> what do you guys think of tutti? it was either that or sweetie...


	25. a yesterday to run from

“Hey.” Oikawa murmurs into the silence between him and Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi pauses from bandaging the bite on Oikawa’s arm and peers up at him. Green eyes, soft, starry, _tired._ Oikawa looks away. Hesitates because he doesn’t want to bring it up. There was so many things he didn’t want to talk about, didn’t want to remember, and maybe that’s why the two of them could never have real conversations. _How long are we going to do this for?_ Oikawa thinks. _Is it really okay to keep running forward without ever looking back?_

And maybe its that that hurts the most. That really breaks Oikawa. _You never looked back, you never thought about it again, you forgot them and replaced them with small kids that don’t know anything,_ and then the final thought, _and how long until I’m replaced too? How long until you leave me for Ushijima?_ And it doesn’t matter, Oikawa knows, how strong he gets, how much he can learn, how many alphas he can beat. It doesn’t matter if he was faster, stronger and better than Ushijima in every way, because ultimately he would always be from the past Iwaizumi wanted to forget. The past Iwaizumi wanted to leave.

 _“Why are you doing this to yourself?”_ Iwaizumi asks him quietly. The words slowly fade into the silence and Oikawa wonders if he’d imagined them. Instead, he thinks of yesterdays. When Oikawa had held himself so close to Iwaizumi, had cried into soft white fur, had raised his head and watched as the world paved a path for Iwaizumi. The trees had curled and twisted so that nothing was in his way, clouds had parted so that the stars could show Iwaizumi the way to tomorrow, and even the lightening and thunder and rain had been so loud, so bright and so heavy, they had been, for a moment, able to forget what was behind them. _The world loves you,_ Oikawa wants to say.

“Do you ever think about,” Oikawa pauses, wonders if he should just abandon his words altogether, wonders if this conversation had anyway of being something other than terrible. Swallows, _the world loves you and maybe that’s why it led Ushijima to you._ “About our old pack? About what happened to them? _To him.”_

Iwaizumi tenses, and Oikawa can’t bring himself to look in his eyes. And Oikawa feels the words slip away, and knows he can’t let them get away, can’t let this slip through Iwaizumi’s fingers the way he probably wanted them too.

“Because,” He says louder. “He wanted to kill me, but he wouldn’t of killed you and-“

“I know exactly what he would’ve done to me.” Iwaizumi replies, and his voice is so cold, so sharp, that Oikawa flinches. Oikawa figured that he’d killed all the alphas, and some betas too, because he didn’t want to share; didn’t want to share his food, his home and his omegas. Oikawa knows what he would’ve done to Iwaizumi if he’d stayed, and it makes his stomach turn. Knows there were so many things worse than death, and that was one of them.

“But that’s what I’m trying to say,” Oikawa pleads, hopes that Iwaizumi doesn’t freeze and leave and forget, watches Iwaizumi’s hands curl into fists, watches his nails dig into rough skin, can’t look up. “Our family is still with him, there are omegas still with him, we… _Don’t you ever think of going back and helping them!?”_

And when Iwaizumi doesn’t answer, Oikawa becomes angry, desperate, hisses, “Of course you don’t. Of course you don’t fucking car-“

Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa’s shirt, forces him to look up into his eyes, sees the hurt, the rage, the slight shine. Oikawa’s shocked and he can’t hear Iwaizumi screaming at him for a few moments. And when Iwaizumi throws him to the floor, he’s also thrown into a memory when Iwaizumi had looked at him so intensely, looked only at him because everywhere else had looked like the end of the world, and said _too bad, we have to survive._ And there’d been screaming, and screaming and Iwaizumi had ignored everything, held out his hand and said _let’s go,_ said _I’ll take you to tomorrow even if I have to drag you there._

The world spins, and the world loved Iwaizumi, and the world hadn’t ended even though Oikawa had wanted everything to end. And Iwaizumi had thrown him to the floor, but then kneels and gathers in his strong arms Oikawa, with all his anger, all his tears and all his yesterdays. Strokes Oikawa’s hair as he cries into Iwaizumi’s shoulder. And Oikawa can’t explain why he’s crying, so he whispers for Iwaizumi to never leave, and then about how it was possible the other alpha was still alive, how was it that he could continue to live, and how everything was so awful. _Everything is awful, I know that, I know that, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less._ Iwaizumi kisses him on his hair and holds him closer.

.

The next day, Iwaizumi hands him a silver necklace. It takes him a moment to recognize it, but he remembers that it had belonged to a woman that had lived next to his family. She’d explained to Oikawa and Iwaizumi when they’d just been children that she’d fallen in love with a human, but since they hadn’t been able to mate the way wolves would, the man had given her the necklace instead. Oikawa clutches the cold silver close to his chest and looks up at Iwaizumi.

“I bought it a few years ago.” Iwaizumi says before Oikawa can ask. “When we were going through towns, it was in one of the stalls.”

Oikawa swallows and listens. Iwaizumi tells him how he’d asked about where the shopkeeper had gotten it from and he’d been told that there’d been an abandoned town.

“Abandoned?” Oikawa repeats. Blinks a few times, holds the silver tighter.

“I don’t think they survived Tooru,” Iwaizumi says in a soft voice. “She’d been an _omega,_ remember? If… If she’s not alive then…”

He can’t finish, doesn’t need to. Oikawa’s sadness slips away. Remembers that he’d told that woman he wanted to mark Iwaizumi and give him a pretty necklace too (both because no one loved anyone more than Oikawa loved Iwaizumi). Remembers when Iwaizumi had blushed, hit him on the back of his head and grumbled that he didn’t want to wear a necklace. Remembers when the pack alpha had heard this, moved to them, laughed and ruffled Oikawa’s hair and said that if he wanted Iwaizumi, he would have to be the strongest.

Rage slowly moves from the darkest places in Oikawa, slowly curls and twists and takes Sadness’s place, becomes like an armour, becomes his strength, _he’s still alive, he’s still alive and how dare he?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah so, i'm not sure if this chapter really fits where i've put it
> 
> i just wanted to step away from the love triangle that i've created thats ruining my life because i can't decide anymore. 
> 
> i've said that ushiiwa is most likely how to story will end but i honestly don't know because i've received a bit of a mixed reaction. 
> 
> in the past few days, i've changed the ending from iwaoi to ushiiwa back to iwaoi then maybe iwaizumi will be alone because he doesn't need them anyways and i even entertained the idea of iwaizumi being with both of them for a minute. 
> 
> all i can say is that i really have no idea how i will end the story. and that i really hope you guys will continue reading (and hopefully enjoying).


	26. calm before the storm pt1

_[The morning after Oikawa challenged Ushijima]_

Oikawa had been alone when Ushijima had walked into the room. The sight of the other alpha immediately agitates Oikawa. Doesn’t want to look up at him, but doesn’t want to look down either. Wants to leave but wants to stay as well. Wants to say _I’ve lost,_ but in a way he’d also won. It wasn’t a victory he wanted, not like this.

“You need to leave,” Ushijima says simply. “You are no longer allowed here.”

“As if I’d ever come back,” Oikawa snaps. And he decides to look Ushijima in the eyes. Ushijima blinks. And it was so hard for Oikawa to meet his eyes, but for Ushijima, it was as if he stares right through Oikawa.

“You know,” Oikawa says as he gets up off the bed, winces when he bends his body the wrong way and he’s reminded of the stab wound, Ushijima watches Oikawa’s movements with his eyes. _I lost, I lost._ “The world loves Hajime. Loves him _so_ much.”

“I am aware that he is lucky.” Ushijima replies.

“Lucky is when you find a gold coin or something. This is something else.” Oikawa says.

“I don’t understand your point, Oikawa.”

“I’m saying that the world loves him,” Oikawa gives Ushijima a wolfish smile, and his eyes are vicious. _The world led you to him, the world led him back to you, and the world told Iwaizumi to run but he chose to save me. Chose me, and he will continue to choose me._ “But I love him more.”

.

Oikawa sighs, turns a few times, can’t seem to find a comfortable way to sleep tonight. When his eyes open, they immediately seek out Iwaizumi. Finds him sleeping alone. Oikawa knows that Kindaichi, Kageyama and Kunimi had preferred to sleep in their own beds now, though they occasionally would wake Oikawa and Iwaizumi up with their screaming because they’d had a bad dream. But it was strange, Oikawa thinks as he moves towards Iwaizumi, that Kyoutani wasn't here. He finds Iwaizumi with his eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched. Oikawa laughs under his breath, thinks about kissing Iwaizumi’s frown, thinks about how Iwaizumi could be so soft, but somehow could sleep angrily. He nudges Iwaizumi’s shoulder a bit until he wakes up.

“Huh?” Iwaizumi asks groggily, he looks around until he sees Oikawa. Oikawa gives him a nervous smile.

“Hey Iwa-chan,” He whispers. “Can I sleep with you?”

“W-What?” Oikawa doesn’t expect the blush, but it almost makes him smirk.

“That is not what I meant, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa teases. “But, if you want, then I’m more than happy to –“

Iwaizumi throws a pillow at his face, “Don’t finish that sentence.”

“Is that a yes?” Oikawa asks, moving onto the bed. He throws Iwaizumi’s blanket over himself, and gives Iwaizumi a smile. Iwaizumi frowns and lets out a long, and a bit exaggerated, sigh.

“When have I ever said no?” He grumbles in defeat. Oikawa’s smile widens and he makes himself a bit more comfortable. Iwaizumi lets Oikawa bring him close, lets Oikawa cuddle with him, and lets Oikawa place a few brief kisses on his forehead.

“Goodnight,” Oikawa breathes out. Iwaizumi hides his face in Oikawa’s shirt. Mumbles a gruff goodnight before they fall asleep.

.


	27. calm before the storm pt2

_[The day before Oikawa challenged Ushijima]_

Iwaizumi groans in annoyance when he feels Ushijima moving from him. He pulls Ushijima back into his arms, throws a leg over Ushijima’s, places his nose in his hair.

“Hajime,” Ushijima says, but Iwaizumi groans louder, protests, holds him closer.

“It’s too early,” Iwaizumi mumbles. He opens one eye slightly and notices it was still dark outside. “Stay with me.”

Ushijima is quiet for a moment, hesitates briefly, but gives in and places his face against Iwaizumi’s chest. He’d been hesitant then too, when Iwaizumi said he preferred cuddling people rather than being cuddled. Liked holding people to him rather than being held. Ushijima had replied that he wasn’t one of Iwaizumi’s children, and that Iwaizumi didn’t need to protect him, that he was more capable to protect someone than Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi had glared, had said it wasn’t about protecting, but rather confirmation. _I need you to be with me,_ he’d thought, _and I need you to know I’m with you too._

“It is a bit strange you hate the cold so much.” Ushijima says quietly. “Considering you’re a white wolf.”

“My mum was an arctic wolf,” Iwaizumi responds tiredly, “I just want to sleep and do nothing.”

“Oh.” Iwaizumi tries to fall back asleep, but Ushijima is tense in his arms, and after a few minutes of restlessness and shifting, Iwaizumi gives up.

“Just go.” Iwaizumi turns away, grabs a pillow and holds it to him instead. He feels Ushijima kiss the back of his neck and his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Ushijima says quietly, and the apologetic tone makes Iwaizumi feel guilty. He frowns, suddenly uncomfortable.

“Ugh, it’s not really a big deal.” Iwaizumi says truthfully, he didn’t mean to sound so rude, but he hated cold mornings more than cold days, and so every word is snapped and grumbled and _ah, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad._ He sits up and finds Ushijima staring at him. Iwaizumi offers him a soft smile. Wonders if the meaning comes across or if it becomes lost because not everyone understood how Iwaizumi loved people. So Iwaizumi moves, pushes Ushijima down and straddles him. Traces the ink on Ushijima’s chest with his fingers, eyes burn with a slight admiration of the feathers, for Ushijima’s tattoo that marked him as part of a pack, Iwaizumi longs for that belonging.

“When did you get your tattoos?” Iwaizumi asks. He briefly remembers his previous pack, and how most of the adults had had tattoos of vines and small flowers winding around some part of their body. His father had them around his left wrist and he’d explained the significance of the vines to Iwaizumi but now he can’t seem to remember. The absence of his own pack tattoo makes something inside Iwaizumi burn. And even though Ushijima had offered for him, and for the Iwaizumi’s family, to join his pack, Iwaizumi had declined. Ushijima hadn’t asked again, hadn’t asked why, and Iwaizumi was grateful for that because even though both of them knew why, he hadn’t wanted to explain.

“A few years ago,” Ushijima exhales, Iwaizumi doesn’t notice how his faint touches are making Ushijima’s eyes dark. “When my parents died.”

Iwaizumi frowns, continues to admire the feathers, and their intricate design. Ushijima had mentioned his parent’s death before but hadn’t explained further. Iwaizumi knows there were parts of each other they didn’t want to share. Parts they wanted to forget and hide away because it was too painful. He was so grateful for that, so grateful that Ushijima understood, _it hurts to stay in the past, so let it all go. Protect only what you can hold, chase only what you can see. You can’t go back, so just go forward._ Chest falls in resignation, he murmurs, “We all had to grow up so quick.”

The words fade away slowly and the two of them let it. Stay in the silence.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've decided, for the fic, that ushijima is a few years older than iwaizumi and oikawa


	28. the storm

“I’m going to marry him,” Oikawa says suddenly. The words are so clear, and so perfect, and of course, _why the fuck haven’t I married him yet?_ And everything moves so fast when Oikawa drinks, but at the announcement, suddenly everything is just right, and the revelation is so amazing, ground-breaking, and of course, of course, the world would stop because this makes everything else so insignificant and –

“You’ve said that like five times already,” He hears someone laugh. His eyes move from the glass bottle in his hands and to the pink haired beta he was drinking with. He’d been lucky to find two betas in this middle of nowhere town. Oikawa had gotten bored of humans, gotten a bit bored of just talking to children, and Iwaizumi was always someone of little words, and said he didn’t like drinking; didn’t like feeling like his body wasn’t his own.

“And then, I’m going to fuck him. I’m gonna… going to make him mine.” Oikawa continues, growls a bit. He groans and places his hand on his head. Remembers when he’d found out that Ushijima had slept with Iwaizumi, remembers how angry he’d been, how much it hurt. Whines drunkenly, “You… You stupid, stupid dummy! You didn’t need to go to him, I would’ve loved you better than that… That… Ugly Ushiwaka!”

“Ugly?” The other beta, Matsukawa repeats, thick eyebrows raised, he whistles a bit and shakes his head. “Nope, I’ve met Ushijima, and he is like to most alpha alpha I’ve ever seen.”

His mate, Hanamaki, nods in agreement. “Good on your Iwa-chan for getting that dick.”

Oikawa squawks and slams down the bottle onto the table. He stands up and grabs Hanamaki by his shirt. A glass falls and spills over the table.

“Woah, calm dow-“

“Fuck him,” Oikawa snarls, “Fuck that Ushiwaka and fuck you too.”

And then Oikawa lets him go, sits back down and continues drinking.

“Maybe you’ve had enough.” Matsukawa starts, he gets up to move the bottle from Oikawa’s hands but the glare Oikawa gives him has him sitting back down. And then Oikawa sniffles.

“I just want to love him. He’s so _cute,_ and beautiful, and so hot.” Oikawa whimpers. “Oh man, he’s so hot.” Remembers when he’d kissed Iwaizumi, how Iwaizumi had whimpered and moaned against Oikawa’s lips, how he’d tasted like berries and had been so soft and delicate and small and Oikawa wanted to mark him as his, wanted to make Iwaizumi remember only him and only how Oikawa felt against him and in him and on top of him. Wanted Iwaizumi to let go and love only him, and know nothing else but him. And he would have had Iwaizumi the way he’d longed for for so long, if not for the biggest cockblock in the history of fucking cockblocks, that stupid bitch, Ushijima. Oikawa places his head on the table, closes his eyes and pauses. _And he’d beaten me, he beat me in front of my pack._ Oikawa falls further into his self-pity.

“Don’t fall asleep here.” He feels one of the betas ruffle his hair. Oikawa groans loudly. They continue to ruffle his hair and when Oikawa doesn’t fight back, they stop and fall into a conversation amongst themselves. Oikawa makes a small sound, talks about his Iwa-chan, his cute, dangerous Iwa-chan, who was loved by everyone in the world. 

“He’s so cute,” Oikawa breathes out. “So amazing, so perfect, I love him, I am so in love with him, and he’s so lucky, but I’m _more_ lucky, you know?”

“Sounds like it was Ushijima that was getting lucky.”

Oikawa ignores this.

“And I want a baby girl with his pretty eyes, and his eyebrows, and his spiky hair, can you just imagine?” Oikawa continues to ramble on about children that he’d never even thought about, but now can think of nothing else. “Makki! Mattsun! Listen, listen to me. We would make cute children, but him and Ushiwaka? No, no, no. No way!”

Before either of them can reply to Oikawa, there is a loud howl. And it causes almost everyone in the small pub to stop, and Hanamaki and Matsukawa tense at the sound, but the noise doesn’t register in Oikawa’s mind. He mumbles a bit more about how if they were considering genes, Oikawa was definitely the obvious choice, and there is more howling and it sounds like Kageyama in pain and scared.

“Is that?” Oikawa finally sits up when he recognizes the sound, he looks to the other wolves. “Can you hear that too?”

“Oikawa?” Matsukawa asks, and he’s still pretty sober, the two betas not wanting to get blackout drunk like Oikawa had planned. “We should check that out.”

“Sounds like Tobio-chan,” Oikawa comments quietly when they walk out into the snow. _Cold, Hajime, you’re probably curled up in bed._ And the howling doesn’t stop, because it’s wanting help, and wanting Oikawa’s help, _sounds like Tobio, that’s him isn’t it? But why is he here?_

“Tobio-chan?” Hanamaki repeats. “You know the wolf?”

“Yeah,” Oikawa says absent-mindedly, what was Kageyama doing here, so far away, no way Iwaizumi would let him leave in the middle of the night, especially to a town like this. Not in the cold. Oikawa chuckles, imagining Iwaizumi waiting for him (he always slept next to Oikawa in the cold, cheeks flushed, looking like a cute kitten). “That’s Tobio-chan. He’s a real brat.”

“Hold on, Oikawa, you’re saying one of those _kids_ in your pack are here?” Hanamaki shares a look with Matsukawa and they’ve stopped. Oikawa looks up at them, _taller than me,_ wonders why. “Oikawa?”

“Yeah, hold on.” Oikawa takes a few heavy breaths and the pitiful crying of Kageyama echoes in Oikawa’s ears, and he can feel the sound of his pack member, the cry for help, the sound of his pain, with his whole body, and _Kageyama is hurting, and he’s here, and why is he here?_ He’s frozen, feeling infinitely colder, feeling almost sober. _He’s here?_ Oikawa looks up at Hanamaki and Matsukawa again, and they’re looking at him hesitantly. Oikawa swallows before speaking, cold lips tremble, almost frightened to say the words he didn’t want to bring into the world, _this can’t be happening,_ “He’s part of my pack, but he shouldn’t be here… Wouldn’t be here without…. Without –“

_There is no way he’d be here alone, and if he’s not alone then-_

_Oh._

Oikawa is sprinting, and running so fast, faster than he thought he could go, faster that he thought someone as drunk as him could go. Runs towards the sound, just like he’d done when he and Iwaizumi had first heard Kageyama’s soft crying, and he needs to run towards the sound despite every part of him saying to run away. He’s desperate, and panicked, and it hurts, and he hates that sound, _he can’t be here, it can’t be him, it doesn’t make any sense._

And he runs deep into the forest around the small village, finds the moon and stars to be hidden behind the trees, like they didn’t want to watch, and there are so many thick, twisting trees, like they wanted him to stop. He hears the two betas behind him, hears the howling, can’t breathe, _god I can’t fucking breathe._

And when he breathes in, he can smell blood, and then he sees it. Sees human bodies, torn and ruined, lying on the floor. Bodies that didn’t look like bodies anymore. He stops and takes the sight of them in, sees the blood on the snow, the insides of people who’d been fine just yesterday, something inside of him twists and stretches and stretches but doesn’t snap, he feels like he might die if he has to keep walking. Wants to walk back, wants to just go back, wants more than anything to not have to go forward. He raises a hand to his mouth, and stumbles back in horror. Matsukawa and Hanamaki have caught up to him and look away from the grotesque bodies. They’d been ripped into so messily, like the one who had done that had been so desperate, like they’d lost control. 

“C-Can’t…” Oikawa chokes out, he closes his eyes, and Kageyama is still howling and it was louder now. “I can’t.”

“Oh god,” Oikawa hears Hanamaki say under his breath. “Oikawa, are you sure you want to-“

Oikawa doesn’t get to hear the rest of Hanamaki’s question, because he finally sees something he had almost completely looked over. Sees the body of a white wolf that had been hidden in the snow. Sees a small black wolf nudging the body with it’s nose. Oikawa walks over to the two of them slowly, and Kageyama finally shuts up when he notices his pack alpha. He pulls the white wolf towards him, and away from Kageyama.

“You don’t like the cold, silly,” Oikawa says numbly, the words don’t sound like his, lifts the wolf into his arms, holds the body close, buries his face in soft white fur, soft white fur wet with warm blood. “What are you going to do when you get sick, Hajime?”

Oikawa moves from the fur, moves the wolf so he can see its face, and where soft and yet somehow angry greenish grey eyes should be, there is blood and blood and nothing else. Oikawa chokes on his words. Searches for the eyes, searches for the green in the red. “Hajime?”

“Oik-“

“Hajime, why aren’t you talking?” Oikawa asks, with shaky fingers pats the wolf’s head, pushes the ears down. “Hajime?”

The wolf is so heavy on him, so silent and so still. Oikawa holds it closer to him, _heavy,_ he thinks, _and so, so cold._

“He…-“ An ugly sob tears from Oikawa, and he can’t stop the spinning and the way it feels like he’s been ripped apart, _why aren’t you speaking? Why aren’t you yelling at me? I know you don’t use your words. But why aren’t you moving?_ “He doesn’t like the cold.”

“Let me take him,” At the sound of Matsukawa’s voice, Oikawa looks up, dazed. Oikawa wipes his tears away but continues to cry anyways.

“Where?” He asks in a small voice.

“Somewhere warm,” He answers gently. The words are so soft, so kind and Oikawa still feels so cold and so empty. Oikawa loosens his hold on Iwaizumi, watches but doesn’t really, as Matsukawa lifts Iwaizumi into his arms. “We don’t want him to get sick.”

“Yeah,” Oikawa mumbles. “He hates getting sick. He acts so tough, but he’s such a baby when he gets sick.” And he lets them take Iwaizumi away, and now he is left with nothing. There is nothing and he’s empty and cold, and there’s blood on him, and its Iwaizumi’s and they’d taken him away. Hanamaki places his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder.

“Hey, let’s get out of here.” He says, urges Oikawa to leave because the scent of blood was dizzying and Oikawa was dizzy and Oikawa wants the world to just stop spinning for a moment, and maybe he wants to world to just stop altogether. And in the midst of whatever hell Oikawa was now in, he hears a small voice. 

"O-Oikawa-san?" 


	29. when oikawa first fell in love

“I hate alphas.”

Oikawa looks up in surprise at the child who’d just joined his pack. His father had hoped the two of them could be friends, but when Oikawa had first saw the omega, with his spiky hair, his angry eyes and frown, he’d doubted it. And now, hearing those words, unprovoked, Oikawa hates when his parents did this. _Just because we’re both kids,_ Oikawa frowns, _what the heck are they thinking?_

The omega looks at him, angry for a reason Oikawa doesn’t understand. “So don’t think we’re going to be friends.”

Oikawa feels as though a fire is starting within him, he sticks his tongue out at the other child. “Who said I want to be friends with a loser like you?”

“Loser?” The omega smirks. “I don’t lose anything, dumbass.”

So they had a race. And the omega wins, Oikawa exhales and inhales like he’d never breathed before, the omega has a smug look on his face, and he’d earned it because he’d not only beat Oikawa, but beat him so easily and by so much.

“I bet I’m stronger than you,” Oikawa hisses through clenched teeth. But then the omega beats him in that too. And in the next few weeks, everything is a challenge. Oikawa challenges him to see who was smarter, and Oikawa loses when he can’t pronounce big words, and the omega says them with ease _and_ understands what he’s saying. He speaks in long, fancy sentences that remind Oikawa of curly writing and Oikawa yells and runs away. And comes back, challenges him again. Challenges him to a few more strength contests, thumb-wrestling, arm-wrestling, regular wrestling, and just like the omega had promised, he didn’t lose. Didn’t lose when Oikawa said he could learn how to create flower crowns quicker (which hadn’t been fair because Oikawa had already been taught by his sister and the omega said he didn’t know what that even was) but then he loses that. The omega walks around with a crown of blue flowers and Oikawa hates it. Oikawa loses when all the other children flock to the omega because he was kind and patient with everyone but Oikawa. And all the parents love him too. Oikawa loses and loses and he burns. 

And when the pack alpha, in front of everyone, had lifted the omega in the air and commented that he was really perfect, Oikawa had run off in a fiery jealousy. He’d wiped his hot tears and hid in his bed and cried for a few hours.

Eventually, even though he hated his life and his pack and everything and everyone, he’d swallowed all his anger and huffed and puffed towards where dinner would be. Whilst eating with the pack, he notices how the omega walks off with his father and towards the forest. Oikawa quickly swallows the rest of his food and follows them. He hides behind a tree and listens. Oikawa hopes to hear something embarrassing, something that proved the omega wasn’t perfect at all but a total fake. 

“Who cares?” The omega grumbles. His father sighs.

“You really hurt the little alpha’s feelings, Hajime.” His father says, Oikawa clenches his fists at the mention of him. “I’m just saying, maybe you should let him win every once in a while. An alpha’s pride is important.”

“And what about my pride!” The omega exclaims angrily. “Why should he win if he’s not strong enough?”

“Swallowing your pride is better than being alone, Hajime, I’m just suggesting things, don’t get so worked up. No one wants an omega that wins.”

Oikawa freezes, _hates_ the way that sounds. Confused and angry and feeling sick, he sneaks away from the pair. The fire in him that had Oikawa burning and aching for victory suddenly extinguishes, and he tastes ash and regret, because the omega had said _I hate alphas,_ and Oikawa had never even asked why.

And the next day, when Oikawa and the omega have their daily race, Oikawa wins.

“You won,” The omega says flatly. “Finally.”

Oikawa has his hands on his knees and he’s breathing heavily because he’d really tried this time. But the omega hadn’t been in front of him once. He’d followed behind, let Oikawa win. Oikawa wants to get angry, the victory is so disappointing, he didn’t want to win against someone who didn’t want to win, someone who _couldn’t_ win because for some reason he believed Oikawa’s victory would mean more to Oikawa than his own victory would mean to him. Oikawa stands up, glares at the omega, who’d for the past few weeks, stuck with Oikawa even though Oikawa had been so rude, and so childish, and so mean, who’d made Oikawa laugh (not that he didn’t immediately stop when he realized and storm away because the omega was his _rival)_ , who’d won and won and suddenly victory was something Oikawa craved more than anything because he had to work for it.

“I heard you talk to your dad.” Oikawa puffs out, he has a stitch, winces. He watches as the omega’s frown turns into a slight ‘o’. “I heard him say nobody wants you to win.”

The omega blinks a few times and then resumes with his frowning and furrowed eyebrows. He turns away from Oikawa, but Oikawa grabs his arm before he can leave.

“I liked you better when you won,” Oikawa admits quietly. The omega tenses. “You made me want to try harder.”

The omega snatches his arm from Oikawa’s grip and is silent for a few moments. And then he faces Oikawa, who just recovered from the race, and gives him a tiny, tiny smile. Oikawa feels his world stop, because the sunlight makes the omega’s green eyes glow, and his smile is, _his smile is kind of beautiful._ And Oikawa’s heart rises, the fire begins again. 

“Then,” The omega starts, “Let’s have another race.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess the last chapter was really quick and confusing (this is partly because of my writing, and partly because i wanted oikawa's drunkenness and dizziness to reflect in the writing) 
> 
> so i hope this chapter was much easier to read/ understand
> 
> also i hate iwaizumi's dad >:(


	30. the things worse than death

“O-Oikawa-san?”

 _Ah,_ Oikawa thinks clearly, _I’m not alone._ He raises his gaze from his hands, his bloodied clothes, and meets Kageyama’s watery blue ones. The child looks at him, so desperate for comfort. Oikawa tells Hanamaki to leave them alone and he does, but only after giving the child his jacket.

“What happened?” Oikawa asks quietly. Kageyama hesitates, Oikawa watches as a few tears slide down his face, notices that Iwaizumi’s eyes had been missing, and yet Kageyama remained fine, there is nothing, no scratches, no wounds, no blood that was his, no bruises and Oikawa’s fingers twitch. Kageyama wipes the tears off his face.

“I… I followed you, because Kyoutani said you were fighting other wolves, and I didn’t want you…” Kageyama pauses and sniffles. “I wanted to help you.”

“Okay,” Oikawa wonders how he can reply so calmly, _Hajime lost his eyes, and yet you’re looking at me? How dare you? His eyes, those eyes I fell in love with, how dare you look at me?_ “So you came out here for me then?”

Oikawa exhales slowly as Kageyama whimpers and blubbers pathetically about how Iwaizumi had come after him, and they’d been walking home, but some strange men had come out, strange and drunk men that said they were hunting beasts. Inhales icy air, becomes colder and colder, calmer and calmer. 

“So, he saved you?” Oikawa interrupts. “And he killed all those men?”

At the mention of murder, Kageyama begins sobbing loudly, his thin shoulders shake and Oikawa can’t help but think of how absolutely disgustingthe small alpha was. _You let an omega fight for you, whilst you hid away? You hid away and let them make my Hajime bleed and hurt? You made me Hajime a murderer, and you’re crying?_

“Iwaizumi-san is going to be okay, right?” Kageyama whispers. He glances over at Oikawa, Oikawa, who he admired, and loved and wanted to please, wanted to be and then wanted to beat. Glances at Oikawa, hopes that Oikawa will tell him _everything is alright, come here, it’s not your fault, he’s going to be fine, he’s going to be fine,_ but how can Oikawa say any of that when none of it was true?

“No.” Oikawa says, standing up. He looks down at the child. “No, he’s not going to be alright.”

“He’s not going to be alright,” Oikawa repeats and Kageyama looks up at him so desperately. “He’s never going to see again. That is if he’s not dead already.”

“Dead?” Kageyama breathes out faintly. Oikawa’s heart clenches, remembers Iwaizumi in the snow, remembers the hollow where his eyes should’ve been. Remembers how he’d been lying in snow, when he hated the cold.

“Dead.” Oikawa says loudly. “You’ve probably killed him.”

Kageyama gasps, shakes his head, cries out and tries to move towards Oikawa, tries to explain that he never meant it, he’d just wanted to help Oikawa. Oikawa moves backwards quickly, watches as he falls down onto the snow.

“How are you going to explain this to them?” Oikawa shouts, allows some anger to bleed into his words. Watches how it causes Kageyama to break again and again. “How are you going to look them in the eyes and tell them you’ve killed Hajime? How are you going to go home when you’ve taken their mother from them?”

And then finally, he snarls in disgust, hisses, “How are you going to live with yourself?”

Oikawa wants to take Kageyama’s eyes, and maybe more than that, he wants to take Kageyama’s life. Wants to, has wanted to since he first heard the child’s howling all that time ago, hated him, hated the alpha child that reminded him of his pack alpha, hated the child that followed him and always said _I’ll beat you,_ and maybe it was true, but worse than all that, _Hajime’s eyes are gone. And you don’t deserve to live._ But Oikawa doesn’t, doesn’t take his life, because there were worse things in life; losing when you ached with everything to win, losing the one you loved the most, the one you couldn't live without because you would never have survived for so long without him dragging you from danger and death, losing your home, your family, your childhood, being forced to chase tomorrows that would never be better than your yesterdays. Oikawa wants Kageyama to lose, and lose and lose, wants him to lose everything but have to live with all that anyways. He breathes out slowly. Eyes move to the sky, remembers the stars were hiding, were no longer shining. 

“Don’t come back,” Oikawa says. “Don’t you ever come back. Or I will really kill you.”

.


	31. let me be the strong one

Hanamaki raises his head when Oikawa walks through the door of the small cabin alone. Kageyama is a name Oikawa never wanted to think of again, and so he gives the beta a look, _don't ask, you don't want to know._ Hanamaki blinks a few times, hesitates and opens his mouth because Oikawa was just an alpha, and not _his_ alpha but then there is a pained moan and they both quickly turn to Iwaizumi.

They’d put him on the dining table, and he’d shifted back into a human, and Oikawa finally notices that not all the blood on him was his, actually it seems as though most of it was the humans that had attacked him. Oikawa almost smiles in pride, but there was still enough of his blood to cause Iwaizumi pain, and worst of all, there was still the blood around his eyes. Oikawa sits down, feels sick at the sight of blood when it usually made him excited, watches as the two betas (who’d mentioned to Oikawa they were healers and of course he’d run into them now of all times) tend to Iwaizumi. And it’s a few hours before they finally stop. Some sunlight enters the room, and Iwaizumi had woken every once in a while and whimpered incoherent words, and Oikawa just wants to take him home. 

“Jesus christ,” Matsukawa murmurs when he raises Iwaizumi’s hand. Oikawa sees the dark blood under his fingernails. Oikawa runs his fingers through his hair, feels a bit numb still after thinking he’d really lost Iwaizumi, _and there was still his eyes._

“He was only defending himself,” Oikawa replies quietly. “He’d never attack first.”

“You know, I didn’t think this would be your ‘Iwa-chan’.” Hanamaki says. “You said he was cute and tiny and delicate.”

“He is delicate!”

Hanamaki snorts. “Yeah, I doubt those humans would say the same.”

“He was protecting himself!” But the images of the torn and mutilated bodies enter Oikawa’s mind, and no, he hadn’t ever thought Iwaizumi could do such a thing. But well, Oikawa had done so much worse, and he knows Iwaizumi was protecting himself, _and protecting that little brat._ “You can’t blame him.”

“Talking about those humans, I think you have to leave.” Matsukawa says. “Once they find those bodies, they’re going to come after you, and after us too.”

Oikawa wants to say, _let them,_ but sees Iwaizumi who was still asleep and would probably be asleep for the next few days trying to heal. He sighs and gets up.

“It’s okay if I pick him up, right?” Oikawa asks.

“The wounds will heal in the next few days, but…” The beta draws off and Oikawa swallows, wonders if he really needed to hear what he already knew. “I don’t think his eyes will heal, not naturally anyways.”

The word _naturally_ echoes in Oikawa’s mind, and he remembers what feels like years ago, when they’d visited the witch in Nekoma, how the small blonde had blinked at Oikawa, mumbled a goodbye to Iwaizumi, and walked back into his home. “I’ll deal with that later.”

He moves to the table, sees Iwaizumi sleeping with a peaceful look on his face, like he didn’t almost just die, like he wasn’t blind now, like he didn’t just slaughter a group of people. He lifts Iwaizumi into his arms and turns to face the two betas. The two of them look tired and he’s grateful because all they’d wanted was a drink and instead they’d been dragged into this mess, _into the mess Kageyama made._ Oikawa feels Iwaizumi turn and tuck his face into Oikawa’s coat.

“Hajime?” He says gently. But Iwaizumi was still asleep. _I’m going to take care of you now,_ Oikawa promises, _let me be the strong one now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah so, i guess iwaizumi becoming blind might seem a bit random, but i just wanted to say quickly that when i was first thinking about the fic, that was like the one thing i knew was always going to happen. actually the story was originally bokuto and akaashi and how they, whilst looking for karasuno, run into oikawa's and iwaizumi's pack, but then i realized i kind of liked iwaoi's story more and so i went with that. 
> 
> also, part of the reason i was struggling so much with iwaoi vs ushiiwa is because oikawa is really going to hurt iwaizumi and kageyama, so i was wondering what you guys are thinking now of the end ship?


	32. gone

“Your pack is really full of children, huh?”

Oikawa looks up and finds Hanamaki standing against the door. Oikawa exhales slowly and then continues to run his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair. Iwaizumi mumbles something. The two betas had followed Oikawa to his home; partly because they needed to watch over Iwaizumi and partly because they didn’t have a home, or a pack, and took whatever opportunity presented itself. Oikawa’s glad for their presence, the three children had been pale and so, so worried when Oikawa had come home with a bruised and broken Iwaizumi. And so, so silent when they realized there was Oikawa, Iwaizumi, two betas and nobody else. But the two betas keep the children busy, keep them quiet and away from Oikawa, who’d been spending all his days by Iwaizumi’s side, because despite Matsukawa saying Iwaizumi would wake up on the first day, he hadn’t. His healing had slowed down, and he had had a fever on the third day, and all his did was murmur and grumble and hiss, but he hadn’t woken up really. Oikawa glances at the bandages around his eyes, becomes the worst version of himself, becomes an ugly that Iwaizumi didn’t know about and wouldn’t know about because he wasn’t awake.

“Iwa-chan likes to collect the broken,” Oikawa responds, his voice hard. _Collects the broken, even when the world offered him so much beauty. Kageyama was bad luck, he’s bad luck because you would’ve never gone into the cold, never would’ve come after me, never would’ve had to hurt and kill and lose your eyes, if not for him._

“T..” Iwaizumi says suddenly, voice so faint. “T-Tobio?”

Oikawa grits his teeth at the name. He stands up, tries to forget, leans over the bed, cups Iwaizumi’s face in his palm. Says sweetly, even when every part of him was bitter, “Hajime? Hajime, can you hear me?”

“Tooru?” Iwaizumi exhales, and then he tries to get up. Hanamaki moves to the bedside and Oikawa helps him sit up. Iwaizumi cries out and then leans more into Oikawa. “Where is Tobio?”

“Try not to move so much, baby, you’ll get hurt.” Oikawa says gently, Iwaizumi’s hands reach out, grab the air and then grab Oikawa’s shirt, tugs hard with desperate hands.

“Tobio-“

“You were attacked, do you remember?” Oikawa asks. Iwaizumi tenses and his breathes become uneven and shallow. “They hurt you really badly, Hajime, but you’re home now.”

“Where is he?” Iwaizumi chokes out, and Oikawa sees how his lower lip trembles. How he sinks his teeth into his lower lip so that he doesn’t break. In a quieter voice, “Did… Did they…?”

“We’ve all been so worried, but never mind that, you must be so hungry. Tell me what you want?” Oikawa continues, he moves back and Iwaizumi’s hands are empty and he raises them to his face, gently presses against the bandages around his eyes, and he seems to calm down. Hanamaki glances at Oikawa. And before either of them can stop him, Iwaizumi moves off the bed, and he’s falls down but still tries to move, rips off the bandages. Oikawa tsks, and goes and grabs Iwaizumi, who just thrashes around in his arms.

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” Oikawa says to him, Iwaizumi continues to fight, but loses, and Oikawa places his back on the bed. “You need to calm-“

 _“Why aren’t you answering me?”_ Iwaizumi screams at him. His voice breaks, and Oikawa watches as tears begin sliding down his cheeks. _Ah._ Oikawa freezes, because he’d _always_ wanted to see Iwaizumi cry. Always wanted to see him vulnerable. Always wanted him to be weak with Oikawa. And Oikawa had always thought Iwaizumi crying would be beautiful, like diamonds, and Oikawa had dreamed that when Iwaizumi cried, he would cling onto Oikawa and Oikawa would murmur sweet words and kiss those tears and kiss the omega silent. But now, with Iwaizumi grabbing onto whatever he could, silent sobs wracking through his body, he looked so _weak._

“God.” Oikawa realizes. “You look really pathetic, Iwa-chan.”

“Where is he?” Iwaizumi cries, demands for an answer. “What happened?”

_Fucking Kageyama._

“He’s gone.” Oikawa replies coldly. The words have an immediate effect on the omega who stops crying and fighting. He has his eyes closed, and Oikawa’s grateful for that at least. Oikawa sighs and pulls Iwaizumi back into his arms. The omega is still as Oikawa runs his fingers through his hair comfortingly.

“Gone.” Iwaizumi echoes. “What…. What? _What do you mean gone?_ I just saw him, I was just with him, I just held him, I don’t… _How can he be gone?_ ”

“I’m sorry, Hajime.” Oikawa feels Iwaizumi cry into his shirt, and it’s a really ugly sound, and Iwaizumi stops talking because words are too hard to say and all he can do is cry and break and break over and over again in Oikawa’s embrace.


	33. when iwaizumi fell out of love

“Here, be careful. Don’t want to bump into anything, hm?” Iwaizumi hears Oikawa say as he leads Iwaizumi around the castle, but not outside, no matter how many times Iwaizumi had begged, _begged,_ for Oikawa to let him go, let him find Kageyama. Instead, Oikawa keeps Iwaizumi so close to him, keeps Iwaizumi away from everyone else and away from the outside world and all Iwaizumi can do is remain in Oikawa’s orbit, the way he’d always been anyways. Oikawa’s arm is around Iwaizumi’s waist, and he’s being gentle and sweet and Iwaizumi takes it all in numbly.

It’s Kageyama that consumes every thought, and Iwaizumi can’t care less Oikawa’s love, not when every thought is about where Kageyama is, when every desire is for Iwaizumi to leave Oikawa, leave the castle and find where he was, because he was gone, and he shouldn’t be gone. And even the absence of his own sight is so muted when compared to the absence of his child. Oikawa brushes Iwaizumi’s hair and holds him when he sleeps and Iwaizumi dreams of seeing the black wolf he was so proud of. In his dreams Kageyama is within his reach and Kageyama is looking up at him with big blue eyes and he’s asking why Oikawa hates him and Iwaizumi is explaining that it wasn’t hatred but more the naturally anxiety every alpha felt towards each other. And he’d lied, he lied to Kageyama, and he lied and now he can’t even apologize because all he’d wanted was to not hurt his feelings, and he’s crying again, crying bitter tears, because _what if I never get to apologize?_

“Come on, Iwa-chan, you need to stop with all this.” Oikawa says softly, he wipes the tears off Iwaizumi’s face and Iwaizumi knows he should hate Oikawa. He knows that he should hate Oikawa, that he should tear Oikawa apart for taking a part of Iwaizumi away, for hiding from him whatever the truth was, but even that is forgotten, lost, overshadowed so completely by the strong desire to see Kageyama again. He’s too tired for revenge and rage, all he wants to do is have Kageyama in his arms again. _He was here just a few days ago, I saw him just a few days ago, so why is it that he’s not here now, why is it that he’s gone now?_

“Please, _please,_ Tooru—”

The words die and Iwaizumi just continues to follow Oikawa.

Oikawa had said _gone,_ and Iwaizumi doesn’t know what type of gone he means but Iwaizumi struggles to see what the point in knowing which gone it was is because all he knows is Kageyama wasn’t here with him. Iwaizumi rests against the bed, and then he's resting on cold snow and he can taste blood, and he can't see and he can't see Kageyama and Kageyama was gone, and he's lying on the snow, wanting more than anything to get up because he'd promised they could go home. _Did they kill him? Or did they take him from me? Even when I said I'd never let you hurt, are you hurting right now?_

The pack is just as clueless as him, and Oikawa deflects everything and digresses, and even the two betas who had helped him are silent. Perhaps they _can’t_ say anything, perhaps Oikawa had forced them into silence. And it was as though almost everyone felt Iwaizumi’s sadness and misery. Kunimi, Kindaichi and Kyoutani who, even though they weren't entirely fond of Kageyama, also feel his absence. When Oikawa allows them, the three of them move to Iwaizumi’s embrace, and he holds them so, so close, and Iwaizumi cries over and over again about how sorry he was, how awful he was, because he’d told them he’d protect them, and now Kageyama was _gone._

Iwaizumi thinks, _this is what death must feel like._ Except he was still alive so it was worse. Because he could sleep and dream of his baby, and then he would wake up and die all over again because he was gone. _Kageyama is gone, he’s gone, he’s gone and someone’s taken him from me and there is no better place than in my arms, there is no better place but why is he not here?_ And Oikawa holds him when he wakes up, and he’s kicked the rest of the children out of Iwaizumi’s bed, and he strokes Iwaizumi’s hair and places soft kisses on his tear-stricken cheeks, and pretends that everything was alright. 

“It’s okay, Hajime. I’ll take care of you, alright, so take as long as you need.” Oikawa murmurs as he wipes tears from Iwaizumi’s face that he didn’t know was there. “I’m here, I’m here.”

“When did I become less than you?” Iwaizumi whispers to him. “When did you stop looking at me as your equal?”

Oikawa is silent for a few moments, and Iwaizumi wonders if the stars were still shining, wonders if the sun was going to rise tomorrow, wonders about how the world was nothing, and the truths of the world were nothing, and how he felt nothing to the person who was holding him now.

“How would you know how I look at you?” Oikawa replies icily. “ _You’re fucking blind.”_

_._

Hanamaki and Matsukawa had watched as Iwaizumi, who Oikawa had explained as _just perfect, so amazing, so beautiful, so kind, and so, so loved,_ had fallen into the flowers outside the castle. The two of them had been playing with the pair of small betas (the small alpha preferring to watch from afar) and the small bird when Iwaizumi had wandered out of the castle. They watch as Kyoutani runs towards him, how he’s taken into the omega’s arms, and then they watch as Oikawa follows Iwaizumi, how cruel he is and he looms over the person he’d said he loved more than anything. Kunimi and Kindaichi become still in their arms. 

“It’s wrong.” Matsukawa comments to his mate. Hanamaki looks away.

“I know,” He replies. “But what can we do against Oikawa?”

And the answer presents itself, a few days later, when Hanamaki is woken up by the omega. Hanamaki moves from Matsukawa’s arms, who wakes as well. Hanamaki tries to get out of the bed but the omega places his hands on his chest.

“Ssh,” The omega breathes out, the two betas freeze. He was wearing a large cloak, boots, and Hanamaki notices the weapon at his side. Hanamaki swallows.

“You going somewhere?”

“Could you do me a favour?” Iwaizumi asks quietly. Matsukawa tenses, the two of them not really wanting to get on the bad side of a crazy alpha. “I’m not asking you to help me run away, I just need you to stay, for the children. Until I come back.”

And it’s a few moments of silence, the omega stands so confidently, and they notice how his sadness wasn’t as thick and consuming as it had been for the past few weeks. Hanamaki grabs Matsukawa’s hand from under the bed sheet, squeezes and after a sigh, Matsukawa nods.

“We promise.”


	34. claimed by the alpha

“Here,” Iwaizumi hands him a book. Ushijima takes it, surprised slightly, and looks down at the cover. _Claimed by the alpha,_ Ushijima blinks at the raunchy book cover, the naked woman in the cover has her leg around a similarly naked man, who is biting into her neck. “You like reading, right?”

“Yes.” Ushijima confirms, Iwaizumi gives him a boyish smile, eyes sparkly and Ushijima won’t say that he preferred non-fiction, history and science and classical poetry, and not, _not whatever this was._ But Iwaizumi looked so happy, so Ushijima accepts the gift without complaint. In the afternoon, Tendou finds Ushijima reading the novel intently. The red headed alpha raises his eyebrows, his signature smile unravelling on his lips.

“Wakatoshi-kun? I didn’t realize you liked romance books.” He says with a slight drawl. Ushijima glances from the novel and to his second in command.

“Hajime has given it to me as a gift,” He explains. “I hadn’t wanted to decline, or to judge the book too quickly. But, it is exactly what I had thought it would be. It’s cliché, and it seems the author spends more time and effort detailing the sexual activities between the two characters than the development of their personalities.” Essentially the book was 350 pages of porn with the occasional, dis-jointed and poorly put together plot. Ushijima had wondered why Iwaizumi would get him such a book. Did he really believe Ushijima would enjoy it?

“Hmm,” Tendou says, he has strokes his chin in thought, eyes closed. And then he snaps them open, snaps his fingers and yells triumphantly. “He’s unsatisfied with you during sex!”

Ushijima glances back at the book, and briefly skims the last page he’d read, there had been a lot of passionate sex that the book described as ‘making love’ and he frowns at this new revelation. “I was quite confident in my ability.”

“This is clearly him wanting you to learn how to properly please him.” Tendou continues. He places a hand on Ushijima’s shoulder and leans in close. “Listen, he probably doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you outright.”

“It would not hurt my feelings.” Ushijima says, but he can’t deny the small part of himself that is a bit embarrassed that the fictional man in the novel was a better lover than him. He holds it tighter, suddenly realizing he couldn’t just skim over the book, when Iwaizumi clearly wanted him to learn from it.

“Of course not.” Tendou agrees quickly. “But maybe he can’t explain it. He’s probably too used to that man-child he has to deal with and doesn’t realize how to be with a real alpha.”

 _Claimed by the alpha._ Ushijima stares at the title a bit longer.

.

_She grabbed him desperately, “Claim me, take me, Zion, take me right here surrounded by the bodies of our enemies.” Zion growls, rips her dress to shreds. She gasps, and looks at him hungrily, and when he lifts her into his strong, strong arms, she knows, I’m yours, I’m always yours, moans against his lips, tastes blood of their enemies, becomes more excited because she really was finally his._

Ushijima doesn’t mean to sigh, but he can’t help it when once again, he’s thrown into another sex scene. He hadn’t really learnt anything, except that the pair couldn’t keep their hands off each other and fucked _everywhere_ and that they spoke so much. Iwaizumi, who’d previously been snoring softly at Ushijima’s side, whines a bit. He pats the bed beside him, looking for Ushijima, and when he doesn’t feel him, Iwaizumi opens his eyes. He squints at Ushijima, who was reading on the bed.

“Mmph.” He yawns, sits up and leans against Ushijima’s shoulder. “Wakatoshi?” 

“I didn’t mean to wak-“

And then Iwaizumi, who finally realized what was in Ushijima’s hands, begins laughing. He places his hand over his mouth to muffle the noise and Ushijima thinks of how nice the sound was, how innocent Iwaizumi sounded.

“You… You’re actually reading that trash?” Iwaizumi manages to say between his laughter. Ushijima opens his mouth, but isn’t at all sure how to respond. Waits for Iwaizumi to calm down. Iwaizumi wipes tears away and lets out one last laugh. “God, you’re so cute sometimes.”

“Cute? I am not sure I understand.” Ushijima says. _Cute?_ An alpha like him was not cute, sometimes he really didn’t understand Iwaizumi.

“I didn’t think you’d actually read it, but wow, you’ve almost finished it.” Iwaizumi whistles a bit as he notices that Ushijima was on the last few pages. Ushijima frowns and puts the book on his bedside. He turns off his lamp.

“I was mistaken,” He says, and maybe he comes off a bit gruff, because _I was wrong._ Iwaizumi pokes Ushijima’s cheek.

“Hey.” Iwaizumi whispers. Ushijima closes his eyes. Iwaizumi continues poking him. When Ushijima doesn’t respond, Iwaizumi places a few kisses along his clenched jaw. Tilts Ushijima’s face so that they’re looking at each other. “Hey, don’t be mad, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad.” He says. And then Iwaizumi smiles cheekily.

“Well?” Ushijima raises his eyebrows as if to ask, _well what?_ “Did you enjoy it?”

Ushijima thinks about the question for a bit. “No. It is quite possibly the worst book I’ve ever read.”

Iwaizumi laughs tiredly, and then snuggles into Ushijima’s side. Ushijima places one arm around Iwaizumi and smiles a bit as well. He thinks Iwaizumi’s fallen asleep, but then he whispers, “I know there is a lot we don’t understand about each other yet. But I think that I’ll enjoy learning more about you. I’ll enjoy learning how to love you. I hope you’ll enjoy learning to love me too.”

.

The word _love_ had stuck with Ushijima months after Iwaizumi had left with a defeated Oikawa and turned away from someone he’d said he could love. Ushijima didn’t believe he needed love, not when he didn’t understand what it really meant, and as a pack alpha, he’d been taught the only things you needed was respect, admiration and fear. Love meant something different to omegas, Ushijima had reasoned. But when Goshiki comes into Ushijima’s office, and knocks over a pot, but doesn’t apologize because his eyes are so wide and he’s talking so fast, explaining how Iwaizumi was outside their house, Ushijima's heart seems to rise, because maybe he'd missed Iwaizumi's smile, maybe he'd missed being the one that could make Iwaizumi smile, maybe he'd missed spending time with the omega that laughed so freely and ran so fast and Ushijima had hoped for a moment he could protect Iwaizumi's happiness because it made him happy as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to write more about ushijima and iwaizumi's relationship. i hope it doesn't feel too forced (though some of it is more 'said' than 'shown'). i'm going to try to show it more in the next few chapters.


	35. until i return

Oikawa sighs when he wakes up alone. He’d figured Iwaizumi would leave eventually, and he hates it, but he knows exactly who Iwaizumi is seeking help from. _Well,_ Oikawa thinks, _Kageyama is probably far enough already._

.

“Do you think,” Ushijima pauses as he stares at Goshiki, who was speaking with Iwaizumi who he had missed and both Ushijima and Tendou had realized that. Tendou stands beside Ushijima, the way he always would, and sighs. “Do you think Oikawa is the one who hurt him?”

“Who knows?” Tendou replies quietly. Ushijima walks into the room and Iwaizumi looks up, but not up at Ushijima, and hesitates.

“Haj— _Iwaizumi,_ please come with me.” Ushijima holds his hand out and it’s a few moments before he realizes Iwaizumi can’t see anymore. Ushijima, who had never felt so helpless before, feels his heart sink slightly. He lowers his hand and helps Iwaizumi stand up. Tendou remains with Goshiki as Iwaizumi and him enter his bedroom. Iwaizumi sits down on the bed, his hands run slightly down the blanket. Ushijima opens his mouth.

“You want to know what happened.” Iwaizumi interrupts. “Some humans attacked me, I’m, I’m blind now, and –“Iwaizumi pauses, trembles, and Ushijima moves forward to comfort him, but Iwaizumi turns away, wipes away his own tears. “Fuck, _fuck,_ Tobio's gone.”

He whispers the last few words and they hang in the air. Ushijima furrows his eyebrows slightly, watches as Iwaizumi tells himself to stop crying. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t fucking know!” Iwaizumi shouts angrily. He laughs a bit, and it's such a sad sound. Shakes his head and shrugs. “I don’t even fucking know what that means. I passed out, and when I woke up, he wasn’t there, and Oikawa’s not telling me anything, and I know I shouldn’t be yelling at you when you’ve done nothing wrong, but, _he’s gone,_ he’s gone and I don’t know what to do. Wakatoshi, what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

Ushijima doesn’t know what to do.

He watches, hands by his side, as Iwaizumi tries to calm himself down, how he fails, and then tries again. Finally, Iwaizumi looks up again.

“I’m going to find him, but I… I know I don’t deserve it, but I need your help.” Iwaizumi says. “I’ll do anything, if you need money, or if you want my body, fuck, I’ll do _anything_.”

Ushijima’s frowns at the sound of Iwaizumi’s begging, at the insinuation. “Do you really think that low of me?”

Iwaizumi freezes, and Ushijima remembers when, months ago, after Oikawa had challenged Ushijima, Iwaizumi had walked into the room Ushijima was resting in. He’d raised Ushijima’s hands, kissed the palms gently over the bandages, he’d apologized quietly, looked at him, a tired look in his eyes, and apologized for yelling, apologized because he’d also felt the challenge of his pack alpha, because he’d felt the way Oikawa’s anger had consumed him already, and apologized because he knows Ushijima was just protecting his pack, and protecting Iwaizumi when he hadn’t killed the other alpha as tradition would have it. And he’d fixed Ushijima’s hair and had said that bullshit about the world loving him and Oikawa, and how he had to be with Oikawa, and Ushijima had been furious because _just what the fuck did that mean,_ but had let Iwaizumi go anyways.

“No.” Iwaizumi admits softly.

Ushijima exhales and then looks to the bandages over Iwaizumi’s eyes. He gets up and finds a roll of new bandages and then returns to Iwaizumi. Gently, he replaces them, stares briefly at Iwaizumi’s closed eyes, wonders if he’ll ever see the greenish-grey again, it’s quiet and Ushijima is slow and careful, and Iwaizumi’s breathing evens.

“I’ll go with you.” Ushijima says when he’s finished. “We’ll find him.”

Iwaizumi raises his hands and Ushijima moves his face into them. Iwaizumi’s thumb brushes over Ushijima’s cheekbones, and he leans forward, places a soft kiss against the corner of Ushijima’s mouth. 

.

“If Oikawa comes?” Tendou asks Ushijima as he’s about to leave. Ushijima turns to where Iwaizumi was waiting for him, Goshiki has his arms around the omega, asking him not to leave. Ushijima frown deepens at the name of Iwaizumi’s pack alpha, if he could even call him that anymore. Iwaizumi hadn’t want to talk about it, but Ushijima didn’t need to ask to know that clearly Oikawa had done something awful.

“Keep him here until I return.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry oikawa i don't actually hate you :( 
> 
> one day i'll write you as not a piece of trash but until then....


	36. a beautiful world

“Close your eyes,” Iwaizumi had murmured. “And stay behind me.”

And Kageyama had done exactly that, had kept his eyes shut even when he could hear screaming and bones breaking and Iwaizumi’s growls and then the pained whine and finally, _finally,_ it was silent. He hears soft steps in snow and then the wolf falls beside Kageyama. He opens his eyes slightly, presses himself up against the still white wolf and begins to howl.

.

Ushijima turns when he hears Iwaizumi sneeze. _Cute,_ he thinks when he sees Iwaizumi’s flushed cheeks, when he sees the slightly pouty frown, the way Iwaizumi was shivering and looked small in Ushijima’s coat.

“We should stop.” Ushijima says. But Iwaizumi shakes his head. His teeth chatter and he opens his mouth to reply, but a gust of wind blows his hat off and he trembles and holds the coat closer to himself.

“Fine.” He grumbles. Then shouts to the trees and the snow and the stars, “Fine!”

Ushijima resists the urge to chuckle and instead wonders how far the nearest town would be. But then his eyes land on a cabin that he hadn’t seen before. When Ushijima mentions this to Iwaizumi, he gets a smile in return and an _of course, no one is going to be in it, didn’t I tell you I was lucky?_

The two of them enter the small cabin, and there is no one ( _I told you),_ and looks as though it hadn’t been used for years. Ushijima takes his clothes off and shifts and moves to Iwaizumi’s side, who leans against him, murmurs something against dark fur and then they fall asleep.

.

Ushijima follows Iwaizumi, and when he’d asked the other how he knew where he was going, Iwaizumi had replied that _it just feels right,_ and then _it’s like I’m being pulled to him._ Ushijima doesn’t comment that Iwaizumi, despite him saying he didn’t like fate, was much more naïve and more innocent and more sweet than he would ever admit. Iwaizumi blindly follows the worlds instruction, and everything happened for a reason, and the world was good to him, and the world was only ever good. And even though they’d stolen his eyes, and probably stolen his child, Iwaizumi’s faith in world is so, so strong. _The hard-working will be rewarded,_ Iwaizumi probably thinks, _the world is beautiful for the beautiful, everything will be fine, everything will be perfect soon, later, tomorrow._

Ushijima does not want to suggest that Kageyama might not even be alive at the end of all this.

.

Iwaizumi can taste blood in his mouth. He sits up abruptly and then rushes outside. Fingers dig into snow, he tries to throw up, tries to spit out the blood but there’s nothing, and he chokes, he can hear the screaming of his pack, the howls of his old pack alpha, and then there is the screaming of the men he’d ripped apart, and Kageyema’s soft whimpering, and screaming and screaming, and his father had said _I’ll meet you again one day,_ and maybe now Iwaizumi doubts it.

.

“What do you think about hell?” Iwaizumi asks Ushijima as they walk. Ushijima had said it would be better for them to sprint in their wolf forms, but Iwaizumi had shook his head, felt the need to throw up, and said he would prefer walking. “And about heaven.”

“I don’t think about it,” Ushijima answers. Iwaizumi, who’d been hoping for a better answer than that, sighs a bit in annoyance. Ushijima, noticing this, continues after a few moments of thought. “I don’t believe there is anything to gain thinking about it. I do what I can to make the lives of my pack better and I suppose I will do that until I die.”

.

“Did you enjoy learning to love me?” Ushijima asks after a few days. Iwaizumi, who’d been eating an apple, raises his eyebrows, and stops walking. Ushijima stops as well, and finally after what seemed like so long, Iwaizumi frowns and Ushijima can imagine him furrowing his eyebrows and narrowing his eyes.

“You really want to hear me say it?” Iwaizumi asks, there is a small blush. “Isn’t it already obvious?”

Ushijima and Iwaizumi walk for a few more minutes when Iwaizumi grabs Ushijima’s arm and pulls him to a stop.

“Hajime?”

Iwaizumi sighs slightly and then offers Ushijima a kiss, who lowers and presses his lips against the other. “You’re a clueless dumbass sometimes, but yeah, I love you.”

.

Ushijima thinks he finally knows what that really means.

.

He knows Iwaizumi was lucky, and that was made more apparent by the way food was never scarce during their journey, and how they already had places to stay, and Ushijima has a sinking feeling that this wasn’t the world loving Iwaizumi, but making amends for the awful things it had done, and Iwaizumi refuses to believe that Kageyama is anything but alive. Hurt, yes, possibly, but of course, he’s alive. And months ago, when Oikawa had told him the world loved Iwaizumi, he didn’t really understand what that meant.

But he understands now, when Iwaizumi, who’d previously been walking silently, pauses. He sees the change in the omega, the soft exhale, the swallow, the sound of his quickening heartbeat, and doesn’t realize why until Iwaizumi starts sprinting towards something.

Ushijima can only watch in wonder as the world splits apart, the trees move out of his way so Iwaizumi's path is clear, how he can see Kageyama sleeping among yellow and pink flowers, and how the sun falls on the small child and offers him back to his family and how everything else, _everything else,_ is nothing.

 _Then what am I here for?_ Ushijima thinks as he nears the pair, he sees Iwaizumi gather the child his arms, and he’s crying and laughing into his hair, and the child wakes slowly in his mother’s arms, and Ushijima, who had been certain the child was dead, feels lighter and ah, _maybe the world was beautiful,_ Kageyama puts his arms around Iwaizumi and then _why did the world need me then?_

Before he can think about that, a large black feather falls from the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you guys think ! 
> 
> :)


	37. enter karasuno

Ushijima, who’d been caught up in the tenderness of the moment, feels his heart stops in panic and before his mind can register, his body has rushed forward and pushed Iwaizumi out of the way. He’s quick enough to protect Iwaizumi, and catch the spear, except its already pierced his body. He clenches his teeth and stares at the attacker.

Large black wings rise and the silver-haired man gives him a sweet smile and then tries to push the spear in further. Ushijima winces, _he was an alpha for a reason,_ pulls the spear out. The two of them stare at each other for a moment, but Ushijima is quicker and he, with all his strength, throws the spear, along with the crow holding it, to the side. He goes flying through the air, and before he can hit a tree, he regains his balance and remains in the sky. 

“What’s happening?!” Iwaizumi asks alarmed from behind him. “Wakatoshi, are you hurt?”

“I’m fine.” Ushijima hisses through clenched teeth, but the wound stings, like the spear had been coated in something. He looks up and finds the silver haired man is no longer alone. There is a woman, who looks just as cold and dangerous as her partner, and then there is an orange haired child that is flying beside them. Ushijima had heard of Karasuno before, except that most of them had been wiped out, and the remnants of the crows just wandered around the continent without a home, he wonders how it was, after all these years of just hearing them from hushed whispers and drunken tales, they were here now, they were fighting him now.

“You’re not fine,” The silver-haired man tsks, his tone is sugary, “You’ve been poisoned.”

Ushijima assess the situation, there were two of them, if you didn’t include the child which Ushijima won’t because he won’t harm the small one, but he’s already injured, _poisoned,_ and he doesn’t want to risk moving too much. _Try to reason with them first,_ he thinks.

“I’ll fucking kill you.” Iwaizumi warns in a low voice. Ushijima sighs.

“G-Give us Kageyama!” The child shouts, Iwaizumi holds Kageyama closer to him.

“Like hell I’d do that!”

“Kageyama? It’s going to be fine, sweetie,” The silver-haired man calls out, Ushijima weakens and he almost falls onto the floor, but he can’t, _he can’t fall now,_ and he wonders how quick he could kill the two, and if the child knew of the whereabouts of a cure. “I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”

“Y-You.. _You’re going to keep him safe?”_ Iwaizumi repeats in disbelief, voice trembles with fury.

Ushijima shifts, and in an instant, he’s launched himself into the air and grabs onto the man, they crash onto the ground, the kid screams. Just as he’s about to bite him, he’s pulled off the man and thrown onto the floor. Looks up, sees the woman and a new man, and as he gets up, he hears Iwaizumi shift as well. He moves and stands between Ushijima and the three crows. Ushijima is strong, he’s strong but he’s been poisoned and there’s a shame he feels that Iwaizumi, who was still healing from the attack on him, was protecting him now. The white wolf snarls and lets out a low growl. Kageyama had shifted as well, but when Ushijima turns, he finds the small alpha next to the orange haired child. The two stand close, and it clicks when he realizes Kageyama had moved to the child, _he knows them. Trusts them._

Before Iwaizumi can attack, Ushijima throws himself onto the other wolf, holds him down. Iwaizumi thrashes around and Ushijima shifts.

“We’re not here to hurt Kageyama!” Ushijima says loudly, his vision begins to fade, and he can’t stand so he remains on the ground beside Iwaizumi, _the world loves me, don’t you believe me now?_ “We’re here to take him home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suck at action scenes ;(


	38. what now?

Ushijima wakes up to the sound of hushed whispers and there’s something poking his face and he groans slightly but it sounds threatening, and then there is the sound of shrieking and footsteps against wood. His body feels heavy and he’s sluggish as he gets up and then he falls. Strong arms catch him.

“Easy there,” Someone says kindly, someone Ushijima doesn’t recognize. Immediately, Ushijima panics and pushes the man off him and pushes himself to the ground. He crashes into a table and water splashes over him and glass shatters. “Woah.”

Ushijima feels nauseous and the world spins underneath him and then Iwaizumi is there, pulling Ushijima to him. He places his ear against Iwaizumi’s chest, focuses on the steady heartbeat, inhales, exhales, closes his eyes, takes in the scent of the omega. Iwaizumi cards his fingers through Ushijima’s hair and finally Ushijima opens his eyes again.

There is a black haired man standing at the doorway, and holding onto his legs are three children. Ushijima recognizes only the man and the orange haired child, but it is clear by the black wings on all of them that they were part of Karasuno, that Ushijima was here with Karasuno, that he was alive and Iwaizumi’s here with him too. The man smiles at him and it looks genuine, but he recalls the sweet smile of the silver haired man and the vicious look in his eyes right before he stabbed him.

“It’s okay,” Iwaizumi murmurs. “It was a misunderstanding, you’re okay.”

And then Ushijima falls unconscious again.

.

Ushijima walks into the main room where Iwaizumi and Kageyama were. Iwaizumi has a sleeping Kageyama in his lap and is holding the small alpha whilst he talks to the two men Ushijima had seen. The silver haired one gives him a smile, and it’s a bit nervous, and the sharpness in his eye is slightly gone. Iwaizumi notices Ushijima’s presence and turns even though he doesn’t quite find him.

“Come sit,” Iwaizumi says, he pats a spot next to him. Silently, Ushijima moves and sits beside him. He’s sitting there until he notices the orange haired child is looking at him. When Ushijima meets his eyes, the child immediately sits up straighter. Iwaizumi places a hand on Ushijima’s leg.

Iwaizumi introduces them and Ushijima nods when he learns their names. Sugawara apologizes for stabbing him and offers him some tea. Daichi explains how he was just talking to Iwaizumi about Karasuno and Ushijima is surprised to hear how confident he is when he talks and at one point, he places his hand on the shoulder of a green haired child who gives Ushijima a tiny smile before looking away quickly, and says that the kids were the future, and how they would ensure the strength of Karasuno would no longer be a myth, how they would be a strength, a truth you couldn’t deny.

The orange haired child agrees and when Ushijima looks at him again, he shouts, “Huh! You wanna fight!?”.

Ushijima shakes his head. “I don’t fight children.”

The child’s jaw drops and before he can say anymore, Kageyama shifts in Iwaizumi’s arms and looks to the child and hisses, “Shut up, dumbass! I’m sleeping.” 

Iwaizumi looks down in wonder and Kagayama goes back to sleep and Ushijima thinks about how the two sounded so similar. He smiles when Iwaizumi looks so proud.

After a few hours, after they’d been joined by a woman, Shimizu, and a large man, Asahi, after the children have fallen asleep and the blond girl is holding onto the shirt of the green haired boy, Sugawara glances at Kageyama’s sleeping figure and frowns.

“What are you going to do now?” He asks quietly, and it was a question that had lingered between the silences of the night but hadn’t been addressed because it was up to Iwaizumi and Iwaizumi had dodged it all night. Iwaizumi takes another sip of his drink.

“Go home.” Iwaizumi answers finally, like it was so obvious. “Take him back to his family, of course.”

Daichi and Sugarawara share a look, and Sugawara reaches over the table and places a hand on Iwaizumi’s. In a soft voice, “Iwaizumi, Kageyama told us what your alpha told him. I don’t think it’s saf-“

Iwaizumi removes his hand and the action is surprising to Ushijima, because the two of them had gotten along so easily. “Oikawa’s a fucking idiot, but I’ll beat sense into him.”

Ushijima watches as Iwaizumi places a cup down and becomes lost in thought. Ushijima wonders how Iwaizumi could trust the other alpha so much, wonders how much he can forgive, and when Ushijima had heard of what Oikawa had said to Kageyama, he hadn’t been surprised, but what had surprised him was Iwaizumi’s reaction. He’d taken it in and then changed the subject, dismissing the clear cruelty of Oikawa as his shitty personality. _Do you really believe that?_ Ushijima wanted to ask. Kageyama murmurs something incoherent into Iwaizumi’s coat. 

“There’s nowhere safer for Kageyama than with me.”


	39. warmth

They let Iwaizumi and Ushijima remain in Karasuno for a few more days, saying that it was better for Ushijima and Iwaizumi to have their strength before they go back. Iwaizumi knows what they’re suggesting, what they’re suggesting about Oikawa, but he ignores it anyways because more than anyone, Iwaizumi knew how shitty Oikawa was, and more than anyone, Iwaizumi had the right to hate him the most, but he doesn’t. Well, maybe Kageyama should hate him too, but when Kageyama had nervously asked whether they would be returning home, Iwaizumi had asked him if he wanted to. Quietly, Kageyama had told him he wanted to go home, wanted to be someone that could make Oikawa proud of, wanted to learn more from him.

He was sitting among the flowers, enjoying the sun and enjoying hearing Kageyama with the other children when someone calls his name. “I-Iwaizumi-san!” Iwaizumi turns to the voice. He thinks the child is Hinata, who Kageyama had become grouchy when explaining it was him that had found Kageyama and invited him to stay with Karasuno.

“Yeah?”

“Could you turn into a wolf?” The child asks excitedly. He starts explaining how it had been so cool when Iwaizumi had shifted before, and how pretty he had looked and how he had been scary but not as scary as Ushijima and Iwaizumi frowns a bit because he had wanted to be frightening but of course, he was much smaller than Ushijima, but the frown turns into a bit of a surprised smile because turning into a wolf was nothing special among the pack, but the child spoke about it like it was the most amazing thing in the world. He gets a bit embarrassed and agrees.

He hears the children exclaim and Iwaizumi wishes briefly he could see them but he removes the thought and allows them to run their fingers through his fur. And he starts to think about how he’d been called a monster, a beast, and how he had been the last thing those men had seen before Iwaizumi ripped them apart and he feels sick, but he feels Kageyama (who had also shifted) snuggle into his side the way he had been doing for years. Iwaizumi allows himself to relax, _they would’ve hurt him, they would’ve killed him,_ he allows himself to believe that he had no other choice. He ends up falling asleep in the sun to the sound of the children’s laughing and talking.


	40. my family

“Hajime?” Ushijima asks hesitantly. The omega pauses and places his hand on the sleeping child’s hair. He turns to Ushijima.

“You should go back to Shiratorizawa.” Iwaizumi says quietly. Ushijima looks behind him, sees the castle, knows Oikawa is there waiting. “I need to speak with him alone. I just need to talk to him.”

Ushijima frowns. “I don’t believe it is at all wise to speak with Oikawa alone, especially not with Kageyama there.”

“I’m the last person who would want Tobio hurt.” Iwaizumi snaps. “I’ve already explained this, Oikawa’s an idiot but that’s all he is.”

Ushijima looks once again to Iwaizumi, and he has a fierce look on his face, and he’s holding Kageyama like he wouldn’t ever let him go, but Ushijima knows that even a desperate omega couldn’t always protect their children from a vicious alpha. Ushijima protests a bit more, but Iwaizumi kicks him and angrily tells him to get lost, smiles softly and tells him that he’ll come visit him soon.

.

Before Iwaizumi had left, he had visited Kyoutani. Kyoutani guessed that Iwaizumi hadn’t meant to wake him up when he whispered a small goodbye to the child, and that maybe it would’ve been easier for Iwaizumi if Kyoutani had pretended to be asleep. But he had woken up and hugged Iwaizumi, held him tightly, and he had wanted to ask him not to go, and Iwaizumi noticed, and he promised, promised he’d be back soon, back with Kageyama. He’d told Kyoutani not to worry about Oikawa, that the two older betas had promised they’d watch over the children in his absence and Kyoutani had grumbled, eyes briefly moving to the two other children sleeping in the room, that it was his pack, and they were his family and he was an alpha so it would be him that would take care of them.

“Our family.” Iwaizumi had repeated quietly, holding onto Kyoutani’s small hands. He smiled briefly, taken a deep breath, Kyoutani frowns nervously. _My family,_ Kyoutani had said so carelessly, _I’ll protect our pack until you return,_ and Kyoutani wonders when had he started seeing them all as family, but somewhere inside him, there is a warmth and his heart clenches because _my family, my pack, my home, you’re coming back soon, right?_

When Iwaizumi had left, it had been a few minutes of silence until he began to hear soft crying. He gets out of his bed and walks quietly to where the betas were sleeping. He sees Kunimi tense as he nears them. Places a hand in Kunimi’s hair the way Iwaizumi always did. Ruffles it a bit and Kunimi lets out an annoyed sound.

“Stop.” He mumbles and Kyoutani smiles a bit. And then in a tiny voice, “Do you think Kageyama is dead?”

“No way.” Kyoutani says, he moves onto the bed and Kindaichi and Kunimi look at him. He wasn’t any good at this, so he continues to pat Kunimi’s head. Actually, he doesn’t want to think about it at all, sure, he didn’t really speak to the other alpha, and sometimes he reminded him so much of Oikawa and he preferred to spend his time with the others but it still hurt him when Iwaizumi had returned home without him and Oikawa and said Kageyama was gone. So he doesn’t think about it, and instead thinks of Iwaizumi. He exhales. “There’s no fucking way Iwaizumi is letting anyone, not Oikawa, not some weak humans, not even God, take Kageyama from him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never really specified but im thinking kunimi, kindaichi and kageyama are like 4-5, and kyoutani would be around 9-10, not really sure but there are a few years difference between them
> 
> regardless, too young to be swearing >:( iwaizumi is a bit of a bad influence


	41. sinking

Oikawa had begged for sympathy, had wanted nothing more than understanding, and love and Iwaizumi had thrown him to the ground, over and over again, and Iwaizumi was always pulling Oikawa below him, dragging the alpha down from what he deserved. The ugliness in Oikawa he hid, the viciousness he swallowed, the tears and the blood and the cries and he never wanted to cry in front of Iwaizumi but shouldn’t he have been allowed?

Eyes open slowly, an omega stares back. Stands straight, and there’s a look on his face like he would attack Oikawa if needed. And he’s right, Oikawa smiles slightly, he’s right because Oikawa wants nothing more than to force the omega into the submission he craved above all else. Kageyama is behind the omega, hiding his face from Oikawa, hiding because he wasn’t reckless and wasn’t stupidly arrogant like the omega that was staring at Oikawa like he could really attack the alpha, like there was any chance he could win, and he’s staring at Oikawa as though they were equals.

 _When did I stop looking to you as an equal?_ Oikawa thinks as he exhales slowly, the crown on his head is cold and beautiful and heavy and Oikawa is ugly and he’s evil, and he’s an alpha, he’s an alpha, so who the fuck does the omega think he is looking at him as if they’re equals, _since when the fuck did I ever look to you as my equal?_

“I thought I told you to never come back,” Oikawa says, his voice trembles with a fury that he’d been swallowing for so long, his eyes burn with an anger that he’d been supressing, pushing down, forgetting for so long. _I wanted you to be mine, I wanted you to be by my side, always and forever, I wanted only you._ Why should he? Why had he ever been gentle? _And yet, you’ve chosen everybody else._ Oikawa stands up, walks towards them, and when Kageyama shakes, Oikawa isn’t at all soothed by the alpha’s submission. Because an omega is looking at him, looking at him but not up at him. _I told you to stay,_ Oikawa wants to hiss, _I told you to stay and you disobeyed me._

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi replies, his voice is hard, _and you pushed me to the ground,_ and Oikawa can tell he’s angry too. Oikawa grabs Iwaizumi by his hair and he gasps when Oikawa forces him onto his knees. Kageyama falls back, and suddenly, even he’s not there. Nobody is there, because at the end of the world, there is only him and the omega that always looked down on him. Iwaizumi hisses and tries to move get Oikawa to let go, but he should know better, and Oikawa burns in shame because he’d let this omega look down on him for far too long. He thinks back to the first night the world had torn apart, when he’d been crying and begging for death and begging for understanding, and Iwaizumi had punched him and he’d fallen to the floor. He’d had to look up at Iwaizumi then, had to grab his hand, had to be the one was lead. There is an ugliness in Oikawa, there is the feeling of burning everytime he had had to look up someone else, _their pack alpha, Ushijima, you were supposed to be by my side, you were supposed to be mine,_ the desire to be the best and to never be less than anyone else, and even more than the best, the strongest, and he wanted to be the one that had people screaming and running and wanted to make people want to die rather than be the one that shattered and fell to an omega’s feet and begged for death _._

 _I wanted you to love me,_ Oikawa thinks as he stares down at Iwaizumi, _to love me and only me._

“Let me go,”

“Make me.”

 _Did you think,_ Oikawa asks Iwaizumi when the other shifts and tackles Oikawa to the stone ground, _did you really fucking think you were stronger than me?_

“I’ll beat the submission into you,” Oikawa promises in a low tone before shifting, Iwaizumi opens his eyes, finally, finally, and Oikawa sees white instead of green and it's as though something breaks in Oikawa, something that he’d been holding back for so, so long. _A blind omega is challenging me,_ Oikawa thinks as he sinks his teeth into Iwaizumi’s shoulder, and the blood tastes so, so good and Iwaizumi lets out a whine, and Oikawa sinks his teeth in deeper. Oikawa sees the red stain the white fur, white fur he had run through his fingers and cried into, and the red makes him delirious and nothing, _nothing_ had ever made him as excited as the thought of having Iwaizumi finally, finally fucking submitting like he was always supposed to. It was the natural order, Oikawa wants to say when he attacks Iwaizumi again and again and the other wolf fights back and he’s faster, but he’s smaller than Oikawa, so, so much weaker and Oikawa’s desire for victory is so, so much larger. It had consumed Oikawa and now it would capture Iwaizumi, _I want to win, I want to win you, I’ll tear you apart first if I have to, so long as I am the one to put you back together again._ It was the way the world was, Iwaizumi was an idiot for ever thinking he was Oikawa’ s equal.

The fight is gruesome, and the victory was already so easy but Oikawa drags it out, _until you submit,_ and he drags his claws down Iwaizumi’s eyes again, bites everywhere but his neck, because he couldn’t take Iwaizumi’s life yet, _just submit, baby, I love the submissive parts of you, love only the submissive parts of you._ And all the times Iwaizumi had laughed at Oikawa, and when Iwaizumi had taken another alpha like Oikawa was nothing, and it was Iwaizumi who had said _do you really think you’re a good alpha?_ He bets Iwaizumi thinks it now, thinks Oikawa was a good alpha when he struggles to stand up. Broken. Bloody. Oikawa grins wolfishly and then sinks his teeth into Iwaizumi’s body again.

He stands over the body of the whimpering omega and looks towards where Kageyama was frozen.

He lets out a loud growl, he wants them all to hear, the victory tastes so, so sweet and it stains his teeth red. His heart pounds in his chest and his mind so frighteningly clear of everything other than the hunger for more. _More, I need more than this._ The omega was hardly a challenge. At the sound of his pack alphas growl, Kageyama submits, he puts his head down, and his neck is exposed, and Oikawa finds the victory, the submission so delicious. As he moves off Iwaizumi, the omega notices where he was going to next, and with a strength that surprises all of them, he grabs onto Oikawa and drags him down. Oikawa smiles again but that soon disappears when Iwaizumi claws at his face. Iwaizumi is desperate and disgustingly so, he attacks Oikawa blindly, _ha,_ and grabs onto whatever he can. Oikawa would laugh. All this time Oikawa should’ve known what the best way to hurt Iwaizumi was, and fuck, he sees it know when the omega does everything it can to keep Oikawa from Kageyama.

 _I’ll kill him,_ Oikawa wants to promise, _I’ll kill him and then I’ll take you as mine. Only mine. I don’t want to share anymore._

Oikawa kicks Iwaizumi off him, and the omega hits the smaller throne, shatters it, and Oikawa thinks of how symbolic that was, because he didn’t want Iwaizumi beside him anymore, he wanted him beneath him.

“O-Oika-“ Oikawa lets out another growl, and the small alpha cries. When Oikawa turns, Iwaizumi is lying on the ground, still. Finally. Oikawa shifts, winces when his fingers faintly touch the cuts on his face, but that was alright, he didn’t need to be pretty for Iwaizumi anymore. _Your freedom to choose, I’ll take that from you._ The alpha scrambles back into the hallway. The alpha that reminded Oikawa of the one in his nightmares, Oikawa should have killed the child when they’d first found him. And there is the sound of shuffling. Oikawa looks to Iwaizumi in surprise, but the omega doesn’t look towards him, doesn’t try to fight him, and he leaves a streak of blood that glows and shines and looks so good as he drags himself to Kageyama. The omega stands up on shaking and broken legs, stands in front of Kageyama. All he could do was stand up and stand up and Oikawa wonders how many times he would have to beat the omega for him to finally give in.

“You’re a real fucking idiot, huh, Iwa-chan?” And there is a sensation as though he had severed his connection with the world, with the universe and with Iwaizumi. _I hate the one you love, and I love him more than you._ And he is no longer Iwaizumi’s, no longer a man made of the world to be returned back to the world, and his soul is not made of soft gold, glittery things, no longer is he to be pushed around by fate, and he’s other, completely otherworldly, severed his connection finally. He breathes in cold air like it was the first time he’d breathed, and _it’s a new world_ , he thinks, _a new world where I take the world’s love for myself and where I grab victory with my hands._

In his delirium, his apparent transcendence as a result of an omega’s blood and his guarantee of a submission from one that would never submit, it is not Iwaizumi who drags him back down.

Kyoutani’s teeth sink into Oikawa and he cries out in shock and throws the small but not completely small alpha to a wall. He can’t take a step back, can’t even think, before once again, he’s attacked. More viciously than before. And he and Iwaizumi both watch as the two betas who he had brought here, who he had given a home to, stand in front of Iwaizumi, in front of Kageyama and Kyoutani, stand against Oikawa as though they would fight him too. The two betas stare at him, and their eyes show no hesitation, not the way they had been for the last few weeks, and its Oikawa’s blood on their teeth but they still snarl, still promise of more, they would take more and everything they could. And Kindaichi and Kunimi are there too, they move towards Kageyama, their brother, they stand beside him even though they hated him, because they hated Oikawa more. They all stand beside Iwaizumi, they stay, _they stay, they're here for you, and they won’t leave._

On the ground, the two children that had run from the end of the world and chased something neither of them knew seem to find it now.

They find it now, Oikawa watches in awe as Iwaizumi’s pack stands in front of him, protect him, _your pack,_ Oikawa’s mouth opens in surprise, and he’s still, and his descent from whatever higher place he had been going to has frozen him completely. Oikawa bites his lower lip, and he can taste Iwaizumi’s blood, and before it had thrown him into a delirious state and had made anger and desire consume him, and now it tastes so bitter, so metallic, and it makes Oikawa so, so sick.

“Hajime?” Oikawa dares to whisper; his voice is so small. And Iwaizumi is still too. “Hajime, they’re protecting you from me?”

It sinks into Oikawa when Iwaizumi sinks to the ground.


	42. fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part two :

“A-Akaashi!” Bokuto exclaims loudly when Akaashi appears. He hides the sword behind his back and tries to distract the other man with a large smile. Akaashi isn’t amused. The cold blue eyes burn Bokuto and he physically cringes away from it.

Akaashi’s frowning as he simply holds his hand out. Bokuto looks away, looks to the trees around them, looks up to the sky almost longingly. “Bokut-“

“Fine!” Bokuto gives in, he gives Akaashi the old wooden sword that Bokuto had found and sighs loudly. When Akaashi doesn’t respond but begins walking back to their home, Bokuto just follows. He bites his lip and then looks to Akaashi’s back, to his large white wings that he always kept tucked as though he wished to hide them and feels himself deflate a bit because yes, Akaashi wanted nothing more than to hide what they were. He sighs again, louder, sadder. Akaashi turns to him, finally.

“Please,” Akaashi says quietly, Bokuto’s heart sinks and sinks. “stop playing with swords, Bokuto-san. If one of the humans were to see you…” And he finishes his sentence there because Bokuto’s heard it all before. _Don’t play with swords, don’t talk with the humans, keep quiet, don’t visit the town,_ and the most hurtful, _don’t fly, Bokuto-san, promise me you won’t ever fly._

Bokuto drags his feet the rest of the way, and Akaashi doesn’t comment further. He throws the sword to the forest at one point and Bokuto watches his with wide eyes and it stings when the wooden stick breaks against a rock. He gives the snapped wooden sword a last glance before once again looking at Akaashi's wings. For the rest of the day, Bokuto drapes himself around the house, and it’s one of those days where the two are silent. Akaashi and him are eating dinner when they hear fireworks. Bokuto almost instantly brightens. He runs to the window of their small house and watches the night sky explode in beautiful and bright colours. He watches with sparkling eyes and then looks back to Akaashi who is still frowning. Akaashi shakes his head.

“But Akaaaasshi! It’s so pretty!” Bokuto whines in protest, and he looks to the fireworks and they’re too far but if they were to go closer to the town, he’s sure it would be a lot better, but maybe not too close because the fireworks are really loud and they might hurt if they hit you. He looks to Akaashi again, he’s still hopeful and Akaashi almost falters.

“No, we can’t.” Akaashi says instead, looks away, Bokuto exhales slowly. He continues, “If it’s a festival, they might be more dangerous. I’m sorry, Bokuto-san, but we have to stay here.”

.

“Akaashi.” Bokuto whispers. Akaashi doesn’t wake up from his sleep, and Bokuto grins. He tiptoes out of the house, leaves the sleeping and disapproving Akaashi and once he’s out, he’s sprinting towards the direction of the town.

The fireworks had stopped a few hours ago, but Bokuto still hears cheering and singing as he nears the town. He stops running, and takes in the sight, wings tucked behind him but they tremble in anticipation, and Bokuto wants to spread them when his heart fills with excitement but he keeps them behind him. Bokuto is in awe of the small town, and how there are so many more stalls than usual, and there’s so many people, and the night is warm and joyful and Bokuto laughs, almost dizzy with an innocent wonder.

Someone bumps into him and his heart clenches but the man gives him a lazy smile, eyes dazed and cheeks flushed and shouts an apology.

“You were wrong.” Bokuto breathes out when someone offers him a drink and people smile at him, and they dance with him, and offer greetings and wish him a happy new year and everything is so peaceful. Bokuto thinks of Akaashi’s stern face, and his frown, and his icy eyes, and his _don’t ever go down to the town, don’t ever fly, promise me._ Bokuto finds a small jewellery stall, and is immediately drawn to a shiny necklace with a stone the colour of Akaashi’s eyes. He is captivated and he buys it, the stall owner smiles at him, hands the necklace over, and when their hands touch, the woman grabs his hands gently, wishes him a wonderful year full of luck and good health and then with a wink, whispers, _and love._

Bokuto is walking towards another stall when someone bumps into him. He turns to apologize and to smile and to echo the greetings he’s been hearing all night, but the man isn’t as warm as everyone else and he shoves Bokuto to the ground.

“Ouch! What are you doing?” Bokuto proclaims, he looks upwards, confused, and the man just glares at him with a hatred that Bokuto doesn’t understand but it still hits him like a wave.

“Watch where you’re going, monster.” The man growls and when he spots the stone necklace, he crushes it with his foot. A shocked sound leaves Bokuto and the man laughs cruelly before walking away. And when Bokuto looks up again, people just watch him as though they were too far from him to help. And Bokuto helplessly grabs what remains of the necklace and tucks it into his coat as he gets back up. He feels himself become smaller, shoulders slumped, wings tucked, face down and burning with embarrassment, and he plays with the cold chain of the necklace as he decides with a heavy heart that he should probably go back home now.

“My necklace.” Bokuto mourns as he heads away from the town and the music is quieter, and there’s fireworks again and Bokuto is happy he’s not there anymore but he’s upset because he’d been having so much fun before that last man. _Piece of shit._ Bokuto curses him. When he finally gets home, he stretches his wings and then hides them again, quiets infinitely as he enters.

He’s getting out of his clothes, holding the cold chain tightly, and he smiles a bit when he remembers the woman, _and love,_ she said to him, _and love._ And when Bokuto looks up to Akaashi’s bed, he finds it empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii, 
> 
> so this is the second part of the story, where a few years have passed since oikawa almost murdered kageyama and iwaizumi (that bastard) and will be told primarily through bokuto & akaashi's pov. anyways, i hope i get the characterization of them correct (since i kinda messed up with oikawa's and made him into a monster i'm so sorry) so please let me know what you guys thinks! 
> 
> thanks for reading and hope you can enjoy! 
> 
> :)


	43. where

And when the sun rises, Bokuto is still alone.

He swallows shakily, has his knees tucked to his chest and face is his hands. He breathes so, so quietly, because he wants to hear Akaashi when he returns. Trembles and then wants to throw up and his heart is pounding so hard and he’s scared it might explode because surely, that couldn’t be healthy. He moans in pain at Akaashi’s absence because it leaves him so, so cold and has his whole body aching.

“Where did you go?” Bokuto whimpers slightly. He begins crying and mumbling to himself that everything was fine, that Akaashi was fine, but why hadn’t he returned? He raises his head and looks at the door as though if he stared hard enough, Akaashi would open it and offer a rare smile to Bokuto. Whispers in a tiny, tiny voice, “Please come back. Please, please, _please_.”

Bokuto falls asleep and dreams peacefully of flying in the air with Akaashi the way he never had and is smiling when he finally is woken up by a loud bang. And there’s more banging and Bokuto groans tiredly. And then the door of the house is pulled open and ripped off its hinges. Bokuto wakes up immediately and before he can understand what was happening, a tall man enters his and Akaashi’s home. The brunette looks at him for a while, and Bokuto is frozen in shock, and then finally Bokuto notices Akaashi in his arms.

“Akaashi!” Bokuto cries out, he rushes forward towards the strange man, and Akaashi is still sleeping, but there is a large bruise on his cheek and his lips are bloody and his dark hair is glistening with dark red blood.

“You’re Bokuto, then?” The man asks and Bokuto, who was now on his knees and holding the too quiet Akaashi, looks up at the man properly. Pretty, but not prettier than Akaashi, is what he first thinks, but dangerous. _Don’t fight,_ another one of Akaashi’s requests, _just appear as unthreatening as possible._ Brown eyes stare down at him like he was nothing, the man is unimpressed by what he sees. Bokuto swallows and tries to make himself seem smaller (even though he’s taller than the man, and stronger too). Akaashi is light in his arms. When Bokuto sneaks a glance to the axe, the man notices and holds his hands up in surrender. “I know how this looks like, but I’m not the one who took his wings.”

“H-His wings?” Bokuto repeats. _Don’t fly, promise me you won’t,_ and when Bokuto looks to Akaashi again, his heart sinks lower and lower and since when could it get lower? The wings that Bokuto always watched from behind, the wings Akaashi wouldn’t even stretch because he rejected everything that came with being what they were, _didn’t fly, never flied,_ and now he can’t. He feels the breath knocked out of him, and the world shrinks and shrinks and closes itself around Bokuto. And disbelief coils around Bokuto and he can no longer breath. The world becomes him, him and Akaashi and his wings but not Akaashi's. Bokuto lifts Akaashi’s upper body up, runs his hands down Akaashi’s back as if to confirm what his mind already knew because his heart was hiding and refused to comprehend anything. He feels only warm blood. Akaashi murmurs something and their eyes meet. One of Akaashi’s eyes is completely red and the usual iciness is replaced by a weak, dazed sort of look. _Me, you, my wings and not your wings._

“Akaashi?” Bokuto asks softly, he grabs one of Akaashi’s hands and when he raises it, Akaashi cries out in pain. The sound echoes in Bokuto’s mind and he’s crying tears of shock. _And me, just me, why is this happening? Me, my wings, me and me._ The world is him and it's collapsing, breaking and he's falling into something. Can see but is unseeing and can't breathe, can't talk, can't move. “W-What happened?”

He looks up because Akaashi’s fallen asleep again and _why am I looking up?_ He puts Akaashi down and when his eyes meet the brunettes again, the other man sighs when he realizes what was going to happen. _I don’t need an axe,_ Bokuto thinks as he blindly rushes towards the other man and all he needs his own strength when the two go crashing to the ground. Anger courses throughout his body, becomes larger (finally), wings open and he slams his fist into the other man’s jaw, golden eyes glow with fury, _he said don’t fly, promised me not to fight._

And then brunette growls, and it’s so animalistic, so wolf-like, that Bokuto almost doubts that he’d actually heard it considering he was still falling and sinking and he was dizzy with a blind rage, but the brunette’s eyes darken towards a black and his presence becomes so heavy and suffocating and he pushes Bokuto off him with a strength that didn’t suit his lean muscles. Bokuto stumbles and falls to the ground again.

“Calm down, little birdie.” The man hisses under his breath and he raises a hand to his face and presses to where Bokuto had hit him. “I told you I’m not the one who did this, I just found him.”

The brunette takes a deep breath, and Bokuto watches as his eyes lighten to a shade of brown once again. He hears the man whisper to himself about how he was a changed man now, changed because he couldn’t go home like this, _can’t see him like this,_ and then the man looks at him again, and offers him a hand. His eyes are still cruel, and the expression on his face is stony like this was the absolute worst thing for him.

Bokuto just moves to Akaashi again, lifts him up gently, he’s so, so light without his wings, _his wings,_ Bokuto feels his heart break as he places Akaashi down on his bed. His world is Akaashi again, and him, and the brunette, and the crushing feeling that Akaashi had most definitely been hurt by humans, and possibly the woman that had held his hands and whispered _love,_ possibly the man the had crushed his necklace. And to add to everything, Bokuto doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know what to say to the other man, doesn’t know how to speak to Akaashi when he wakes up, doesn’t know, he doesn’t know anything. His world is Akaashi, him, the stranger and a haziness. 

“I’m here to help.” The man says from behind him. Bokuto just closes his eyes and places his head on Akaashi’s mattress. Falling, Bokuto just feels as though he is falling and falling. Again, louder, the man speaks, “I’m here to help you both, but we have to leave. It’s not safe for any of us here, not safe to be so close to the village.”

“Where?” Bokuto asks absent-mindedly. And Akaashi mumbles something. Bokuto frowns helplessly, eyes pleading for guidance that Akaashi can't provide, _where are we going to go? What's going to happen tomorrow?_ He needs Akaashi to grab his hands, needs Akaashi to look at him with those blue eyes and tell him. Needs to know what was going to happen, because his world is only Akaashi and him and there is no tomorrow. “Where can we go?”

Bokuto and Akaashi had always been together, and to be honest, Bokuto doesn’t remember his life before Akaashi. The two had been so small when they had found this home, and they’d stayed here, despite it being too small and too old and too far from everything, and Bokuto had called this place his home. _Don’t go, but I went. Don’t trust them, but I did. You were right, you were right._ The humans had looked at him as though there were not in the same world as him, they looked at him as though he was something untouchable, unreachable, too far, so, so far.

“My old home,” The man says quietly, and Bokuto can't hear him. “It’s the safest place for you both.”


	44. an ugly world

_[A few years earlier]_

Oikawa had never known starvation, had never really known desperateness, struggle, weakness. When Iwaizumi had taken his hand and taken Oikawa to a tomorrow, everything had fell into their hands, their wealth, their luck, their ability to always, always go to bed full and Oikawa had never known starvation, but he knows it now. When all he could catch was sick and dying animals, when fruit was so, so scarce and they almost always rotted so quickly. He’d believed he would be a king, and now he eats whatever small animals he can catch with desperate and empty hands. He curls up slightly, hopes the hunger will go away soon because he needed to keep going. With his eyes open, Oikawa sees a world that was rejecting him, a world that had him wandering mindlessly and blind, an ugly, ugly world that cursed him. And so he closes his eyes, tries to dream again, tries to fall into a world that didn’t exist, a world beyond or below this one, where it’s still warm, and he’s still happy and Iwaizumi is still looking at him with love. His heart aches, _he’ll never look at me like that again._ Before he had left Iwaizumi’s family, all he had seen was fear and fury and the promise to protect against Oikawa, because Oikawa was someone others had to protect themselves from, because Oikawa was an evil that had people shaking and wondering about what tomorrows would hold, and _did I really think I’d be happy like that?_

Oikawa curls his hand around a small vial in his pocket, and with strength so rare in his current state, he begins moving again. Slowly, and weakly, he moves towards where he knows Iwaizumi, and his family, were not but would be soon. And he can’t face them, can’t look at them anymore, didn’t deserve to. A root he hadn’t seen trips him, and he goes crashing into cold earth. He growls, frustrated, and the world says, _go back,_ and promises Oikawa only the worst. But Oikawa hisses, _I’ll leave him, just wait a bit._ And then the snow falls heavier, and with each step, Oikawa sinks further and further into thick snow and he’s exhaling icy air that pricks his eyes and burns his lungs. Finally, finally he finds himself at the entrance of a castle he had once begged Iwaizumi to make into a home. And it was a home, Oikawa thinks, heart aches and aches, to everyone who deserved it, who deserved only the best, and Oikawa doesn’t belong here, because he only deserved the worst, and the world promised that and shouted it at him with each gust of wind and each growl of his empty stomach and with the starry night sky that had been hidden from him ever since he forced Kageyama to cry out the stars in his dark blue eyes. And Oikawa had grabbed them, but they were so cold, and so heavy, so lifeless. He held those stars in his bloodied hands and now wished he could run them through Iwaizumi’s white fur instead.

Oikawa’s quiet and swift as he enters the castle, and he finds things are different, and the castle is warm despite the storm outside, they must have renovated or fixed the holes. Oikawa slowly moves towards the throne room. Tries not to think about how he had thrown Iwaizumi to the small throne with such a force it had shattered, tries not to think about how Iwaizumi had fallen to the floor after his pack had shown up, and how Oikawa had ran away before they could chase him out. He finds the small throne has been replaced by a throne equal to the size of the one next to it.

He swallows, doesn’t think about it, pulls out the vial of medicine he had bought from the witches with what little money he had. He places it down on the throne, with a small note of instructions. _Even if you don’t ever look at me with love,_ Oikawa whispers before he leaves, _as long as you can look again._


	45. not mine (anymore)

“We should stop for now.” Oikawa says brightly, turning towards the other two. Akaashi and Bokuto had taken Oikawa’s horse, and Akaashi leans against Bokuto who rests his chin on Akaashi’s head. Oikawa’s eyes sparkle with something unreadable and his small smile is sugary, Akaashi frowns in distaste, he remains sceptical of the other, despite him having dragged Akaashi away from people who would’ve taken his life. And so he gives Oikawa the benefit of the doubt, and gets off the horse. Bokuto follows. It’s a while until there’s a small fire, and Oikawa is roasting some meat. Bokuto watches the meat with hungry and wide eyes and Akaashi just bites into a small fruit and waits. Oikawa’s humming under his breath, pretending he doesn’t notice Akaashi’s intense stare. When their eyes do meet, Akaashi doesn’t look away. Oikawa just gives him a smile and a wink.

“This is so cool, huh, Akaashi?” Bokuto whispers excitedly to Akaashi. Akaashi softens when Bokuto’s golden eyes brighten and brighten. “It’s like we’re going on an adventure.”

Akaashi waits to speak, wants to point out that it wasn’t an adventure, not really, not when they were following a stranger to his, past, home after Akaashi’s wings were ripped from him and stolen by humans he’d spent his whole life abiding and submitting to. And he feels heavy, so heavy despite the absence of the weight of his wings, and Oikawa notices.

“I know some witches,” Oikawa says to him. Akaashi and Bokuto had lived an isolated life, kept away from the magic and beauty in their world because Akaashi knew that was the only way to survive without loss. He knows that is why Bokuto is excited now, _an adventure,_ because they’d spent all their lives between four walls, keeping to themselves, knowing only each other, and playing human when they weren't. It had been years since he’d even _heard_ of witches. He had believed he’d been hallucinating Oikawa’s shift from wolf to human because he’d read the myths of wolves, and he hadn’t expected one to rip itself from his imagination and be the one to save him. Hadn’t expected the wolf to offer him a home, offer him somewhere safe, somewhere where he didn’t have to hide. And deep down, under the disbelief and the scepticism and the distrust, he hopes, he hopes more than anything and everything that there was a place for him and Bokuto like that. “And I’m certain they can give you your wings back.”

Akaashi dismisses Oikawa, looks away, _I want to believe you, please let me believe you._ Bokuto begins choking on his food, and Akaashi quickly hands him some water. Bokuto coughs and coughs, slams down on his chest and then with watery eyes, he looks to Oikawa in a wonder. “Witches are _real?!_ ”

Oikawa gives him a small, wolfish smile. “You don’t know about witches? Have you been living under a rock all this time, little birdie?”

The nickname causes Bokuto to blush slightly and Akaashi’s frown deepens, especially because really, Bokuto was larger than Oikawa.

Oikawa shrugs, avoids Akaashi’s glare, “Witches are real, crows too. Whatever the hell you guys are. A bunch of other stuff, probably too scary for me to tell you. And of course, wolves like myself.”

“Is that where we’re going?” Akaashi interrupts before Bokuto can respond to Oikawa’s childish jabs. “To your wolf pack?”

Oikawa falters, and Akaashi is surprised at this. Eyes darken, Oikawa’s sugary smile is replaced by a forced one. “It is a wolf pack. Just not… Not mine.”


	46. promises

Oikawa had hoped he’d run into Kunimi. Or Kindaichi. Except it’s a large, blondish wolf that is the one to find them first. Oikawa doesn’t have the time to move out of the way when the wolf jumps onto him, and he can hear Bokuto shout, and Oikawa struggles to defend himself against the other alpha without hurting him, _I don’t want to hurt any of you anymore,_ he stares into the wolf’s black eyes, sees the promise in them, the warning, the challenge. The wolf lets out a low growl, and the alpha in Oikawa wants to rise to the challenge, wants to fight back, _don’t come near my family,_ and so Oikawa just submits. He stops defending and closes his eyes.

The wolf is heavy and it’s a few moments before he moves off Oikawa. Oikawa opens his eyes carefully, hears the sound of bones breaking and unbreaking and he finds Kyoutani in front of them.

“Oikawa-san!” Akaashi calls out, almost worried. Oikawa lets out the breath he had been holding and stands up. He sees Akaashi and Bokuto standing together. The two of them have wide eyes and they stare at Kyoutani. Oikawa’s almost scared to turn around again.

“Get lost.” A rough voice growls. “You’re not allowed here.”

Oikawa almost chokes, because since when was Kyoutani’s voice so deep? He’s older, of course he’s older, but there’s a part of him that doesn’t want to see how the child had grown. Oikawa inhales and exhales and turns despite everything in him that wanted him to run away again.

Kyoutani is glaring at him with dark eyes, and he’s standing like he’s ready to fight, and he’s so, so much taller now. Probably taller than Iwaizumi. Oikawa’s heart clenches and his tongue is heavy, doesn’t know what to say when he realizes Kyoutani was no longer the small, hurt child that said _I’m going to protect myself,_ but instead an almost adult, who looked so much older, so much stronger, and was instead saying _I’m going to protect my pack,_ and worst of all, _I’m going to protect them against you._

“K-Kyouken-chan,” Oikawa starts nervously. Kyoutani’s frown deepens, and Oikawa holds his hands up in surrender.

“They don’t like him, huh?” Bokuto whispers to Akaashi.

“No.” Kyoutani hisses. “We fucking hate him.”

Out of habit, Oikawa tsks. “Do you kiss Iwa-chan with that mouth?”

Kyoutani opens his mouth, no doubt to once again tell him to fuck off, but Oikawa continues quickly. “I’m not planning on staying,” He gestures to the two other men, Kyoutani looks at them too. Bokuto and Akaashi, who he could see were tense, bow their head in a slight submission, and Oikawa forces whatever that could mean down. “I brought these two for Iwa-ch, for Iwaizumi.”

“I should kill you,” Kyoutani says quietly. Oikawa’s heart falls, and falls, and more than anything he wants to leave. He doesn’t want to stay, doesn’t have the energy to see Kunimi and Kindaichi who used to watch him with bright eyes look at him now like he was an enemy, he doesn’t want to see Iwaizumi, can’t handle it, not strong enough, wants to leave.

“Yeah,” Oikawa mutters after a few moments. “You should.”

_I did this, I did this to myself, I did this._

And he’s beginning his descent once again into his endless self-pity and regret when Kyoutani gives him a long look.

“You’re a coward, Oikawa.” Kyoutani says finally. Falls and falls, continues breaking. Oikawa feels someone grab his shoulder lightly.

“I apologize if it sounds like I’m asking for too much,” Akaashi begins. “But if possible, couldn’t Oikawa come with us to meet your pack leader? Considering we trust him.”

Kyoutani’s eyes drift from Oikawa to Akaashi and to Bokuto, lingers on the large white wings. Oikawa tenses underneath Akaashi’s grip, because he doesn’t want to see Iwaizumi, can’t, not yet, maybe not ever, but Kyoutani gives a small nod.

“Wait- “ Oikawa protests, his voice weak and desperate and he can't walk with them, can't walk towards Iwaizumi, towards someone Oikawa could run from for forever. 

“He waits for you.” Kyoutani says quietly before turning around. Oikawa freezes, eyes widen when he sees a thin tattoo on Kyoutani’s back, when he sees the black and delicate vines along Kyoutani’s spine. And he remembers when they first brought Kindaichi, Kunimi and Kageyama home, when Iwaizumi had painted gently small vines and turquoise flowers on them, over their scars and over their past, and Oikawa’s breath gets caught in his throat, and he’d promised then, _we’ll keep them safe._

Akaashi and Bokuto are looking at him, hesitant to follow Kyoutani who’d attacked Oikawa, waiting to see if he’d follow them and protect them, and Oikawa almost groans, because he’d promised them that he’d take them somewhere safe, promised they could trust him.

So he follows Kyoutani, and the other two follow behind him


	47. the pack leader

_Scarier than Oikawa,_ Bokuto holds onto the hem of Akaashi’s shirt as they’re led into a castle that hadn’t been there and then was there. Bokuto stumbles when he first sees it, he’s in awe as he admires the castle, the interior in a better condition. There are vines growing on some of the walls, and they’re led up a large, fancy staircase and images of kings and queens walking side by side down the staircase, images of the queen’s dress flowing over the stairs, and of crowns catching light and sparkling, and he bites his lip, keeps himself from asking Oikawa and the blonde more about the castle. Akaashi’s eyes wander too, but he’s a lot calmer than Bokuto. Wonders for a moment if Akaashi was scared, if he was anxious because _their pack leader must be scarier than Oikawa._

“Kyoutani?” Bokuto is looking through open doors, _bedroom, bedroom, library, bedroom,_ when he hears an unfamiliar voice. Someone is standing in front of Oikawa and he’s taller than all of them. The blond moves and speaks to the new man, and he searches until his black eyes meet Akaashi and Bokuto’s. Bokuto swallows and doesn’t move and the man is a lot less threatening than the blonde and Oikawa (who could make the world seem like so small and suffocating at times).

He looks down to Akaashi who remains cool and collected and meets his eyes. Bokuto wants to ask, wants to speak, but remains silent and lets the others determine where he would go, lets the others determine where he and Akaashi would be pulled to next.

They begin walking again, and finally they reach a room where there are more voices, _and laughter_ and before they enter, Akaashi hesitates. Bokuto raises his eyebrows and Akaashi sighs before lacing his fingers with Bokuto’s. He holds the other’s hand tight and keeps him close as they enter a large room with a marble staircase leading to two empty thrones. Bokuto looks around the room, and there are those flowers growing across the walls, and there’s large windows which allow sunlight to lazily enter the room. It’s a nice warmth, Bokuto thinks, and it smells nice, and he finally sees the men who were sitting on the stairs below the throne.

_“Tooru?”_

One of the men stands, and he’s shirtless like the other, and takes a few steps towards them and then pauses. Bokuto notices unlike the other two, this man wasn’t looking at Oikawa as someone who shouldn’t be here. Notices, unlike the other men, whose presences were so, so large, the man in front of them is… Golden eyes trace slowly the tattoos of vines and blue flowers that curl around his thick arms and disappear behind his strong shoulders. Bokuto’s eyes lower past a chiselled chest, lowers past dark bronze skin and past a hard, toned stomach, and he sees the hint of another vine on the man’s hips, but it disappears under the waistline of his pants.

“You’re drooling.”

Bokuto flinches and looks away in shock at the blonde’s unamused voice.

“I am not!” Oikawa shrieks outraged, and Bokuto is relieved to find that the blonde had not been speaking to him. Oikawa blushes and his ears are red, and Bokuto makes sure he isn’t drooling. _He… He’s soft? Warm, welcoming._

“You’re back?” The man asks, and Bokuto, with a jolt, realizes the man’s eyes are pure white. Akaashi inhales sharply when the man towards their direction. “And who’s this?”

It’s silent for a few moments before Oikawa replies in a thick voice. “They’re… Owl people? I’m not, I’m not actually certain what they ar-“

“My name is Akaashi Keiji.” Akaashi interjects. The man raises his eyebrows. Gives Bokuto a nervous look. “And this is Bokuto Koutarou. Oikawa-san said you could help us.”

“Help you?” The man repeats. Turns towards Oikawa. “Help them how?”

“Home,” Oikawa answers nervously. Akaashi’s squeezes Bokuto’s hand, as if reassuring him. “I was hoping you’d… let them stay in your home.”

Another man from behind who Bokuto presumes is the pack leader stands up and places his hand on the shorter man’s shoulder. Whispers something, but it doesn’t seem as if he’s listening. The man shrugs off the other man’s hand, walks toward Oikawa, who takes a few steps back and he’s pale and eyes terrified.

“Is that…” He begins, his voice shakes with disbelief. In a quieter tone, “Is that why you came back? _The only reason you came back?”_

When Oikawa can’t reply, the other man scoffs and turns away. He glances towards where Bokuto and Akaashi are frozen and stares at them, even though Bokuto doesn’t think he can see at all, and he says something to the blonde who nods.

“Of course you can stay,” He says to them finally, and his voice is surprisingly soft now, and he feels the effect of the man’s words on Akaashi, who begins to relax beside him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh, so i've been feeling that there's a lack of ... feeling in bokuto and akaashi's povs? (akaashi literally had his wings ripped from him and has been pretty chill) like, they don't really have any dreams or have any feelings or personality and its probably because i'm just using them to continue iwaoi's story. 
> 
> so i'll work on this from next chapter onwards, now that i've finished writing all the intro kind of stuff for the second part !


	48. small flowers of hope

It had been the softness in Oikawa’s otherwise quite amused and generally empty eyes, it had been the way his voice had become heavy with emotion, _he’s beautiful, trust me, he’s really beautiful and he’d never hurt you,_ and it had been the small smile that hid so much from Akaashi and Bokuto, hid a world and a past they might never know, it had been that smile when Oikawa finally said that the world loved the pack leader, _the world loves him, and everyone loves him, and he’ll love you too._

Akaashi holds the blanket closer to him, breathes in slowly its clean scent and stares out to the dark forests around the castle. He remains on a balcony even when he sees both Oikawa and the pack leader, Iwaizumi, leave (not together though, Akaashi suspects Iwaizumi was currently chasing the other). Remains there even though everybody else had fallen asleep. Akaashi had held Bokuto’s warm and strong hands as the other’s excited whispers of a new home, and the promise of a family, had slowly thickened with exhaustion, and then turned into loud snores which was, fortunately for Akaashi who despite his own silence and lack of words preferred loudness and noise, the quietest the other could ever be. Akaashi had watched Bokuto as his golden eyes, so sparkly and so shiny, had become tired and had closed slowly, only to open again with the sun. 

Akaashi moves his hands to his back, feels nothing though he had known there was nothing to feel there, withdraws his hand, resumes staring at the forest with a small sigh.

“Maybe I’m a fool.” Akaashi murmurs into the night, asks the stars, they blink and shine as insistent as ever, perhaps they whisper to him but Akaashi had long since closed his eyes and closed his ears and cut himself from the world and any and all of its sweet whispers, and from magic, and from beauty, _that’s how we survived, that was the only way we could have survived._ “Maybe I shouldn’t trust them.”

 _Them._ Oikawa had called Iwaizumi beautiful before they’d arrived, but he hadn’t been what Akaashi had expected. _Cute,_ Oikawa had commented, _gentle, tiny, sweet._ But the man had _not_ been tiny. He had glared at Oikawa with a rage so deep, and he’d turned that glare to Akaashi and Bokuto (who had tensed). And he’d been frowning, even when he’d promised them a home here, and his voice had been rough when he’d introduced himself to Akaashi as Iwaizumi Hajime, and Akaashi had watched as Oikawa had hidden from everyone and watched when Iwaizumi had hit Kyoutani on the head because he was being too scary. Bokuto had whispered a few minutes before he’d fallen asleep, _it feels safe, he feels safe, right? Akaashi, you feel it too, right?_

And Iwaizumi had held Akaashi’s hands, and Akaashi had been frozen as he stared into milky eyes and it had been unnerving for a moment, and then Akaashi’s heart had clenched and he had wanted to ask, _you’ve lost, too? You’ve lost like I’ve lost?_ And Oikawa had promised him a home, and Iwaizumi had welcomed them, and Bokuto felt it, and Akaashi felt it too. Small, turquoise flowers of hope grow between Akaashi’s ribs, and he feels their soft petals against his heart, and he hopes too, feels it too, his eyes almost shine, _let Bokuto and I be alright, let us be alright, please._


End file.
